


The horizon and the balcony

by Irrelevantrelevancy



Series: The horizon series [2]
Category: Hamilton - Fandom
Genre: Alexander Hamilton Has Anxiety, Blackouts, CGLRE, Caregiver! Herc, Caregiver! Lafayette, Cheating, Content Ending, Extreme angst, Flashbacks, God John is such a bottom but he will never admit it, Heartbreak, I guess light bdsm, Mentions of Sex, Other, Plot Twist, Possibly a little laf, Sex, The Schuyler sisters are actually angels, Therapy, Thomas is an enticing bitch, Violence, anger issues, bless them, d/s dynamics, discussion of suicide, if i ever get around to it, little Alex, non-binary Lafayette, possibly little John?, self deprecation, smut will happen eventually, sorry y’all
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-08-24 12:42:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 51
Words: 78,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16640333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irrelevantrelevancy/pseuds/Irrelevantrelevancy
Summary: A poly hamilsquad story of Alexander’s obsession with their apartments balcony, John coming to terms with himself and Hercules and Lafayette never catching a break.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Timing](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10058918) by [That_Jett_Kid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/That_Jett_Kid/pseuds/That_Jett_Kid). 



3:01am the clock read.

Lafayette had woken up in a dehydrated daze. They don’t even remember falling asleep from the night prior but here they were sandwiched between their lovers. Slowly they sat up and held their breath feeling a slow but steady wave of sadness wash over them.

 

What had they been dreaming about?

 

They thought long and hard about it. Their eyes screwed shut in frustration as they let out the breath they were holding. With a sigh of defeat they slumped back against the pillow and looked to either side of them, their lovers were fast asleep.

 

They yawned and smiled as they counted their blessings, three men loved them for who they were and helped them through the many trials and errors of their identity.

 

Three men...their eyebrows furrowed. Hercules was to their left and John was to their right. They lifted up the duvet revealing only their shirtless body and the legs of their lovers intertwined with their own.

 

Where was Alexander?

 

They had woken up for a reason and this must be it. Paternal instincts came naturally to Lafayette no matter their audience and this wasn’t any different, something was wrong.

 

They gently shimmied under the duvet and army crawled until the mass of curls on their head popped out the other side. They braced themselves and tucked rolling onto the floor keeping their body stiff trying to produce minimal sound.Once they were sure that no one even stirred they army crawled out of the room shutting the door.

 

“ _mon Dieu_ ”they whispered and ran a hand through their hair fluffing it back up. The amount of trouble they went through to keep their lovers comfortable will be the death of them.

 

Slowly tip toeing around the house they hummer softly hoping to give off the notion that someone else was awake, the last thing they wanted to do was frighten him. They heard the rapid jingling of a bell and jumped in surprise practically leaping onto the kitchen counter.

 

“My goodness you gave me a fright _Mon petit chaton_ ”They whispered gently stroking the cats cheek.

 

“I thought that was my nickname”a voice rasped from what sounded like the balcony.

 

“ _donne-moi la force_ ”They looked up to the sky and crossed themselves over before hurriedly opening the door and walking outside.

 

Alex sat on the railing looking down at the active city below him. He wouldn’t fall, no. He’s done this much too many times to fall but that didn’t stop Laf from pulling him off the railing and slamming the smaller man close to his chest.

 

“ _Mon petit chaton doux pourquoi considéreriez-vous même une telle chose!?_ ”They exclaimed running a hand through his hair.

 

Alex looked up at them a smiled.

 

“You know you look beautiful from this angle”he said.

 

Lafayette looked down at him baffled and slightly bashful.

 

“W-what! This is not about my beauty, what were you doing Alexander?”They asked.

 

There was silence. The only sound was the life of the city beneath them, always going never stopping. It was terrifying.

 

“I imagine death so much it feels just like a memory, when’s it gonna get me?”he breathed out.

 

“I...I do not understand...”Lafayette said in defeat. They always prided themselves on being able to understand him but this was the one thing that was not their expertise.

 

“This is about the hurricane, no?”They asked softly. He simply nodded and pressed his head further into Laf’s chest.

 

“I should get John...”They said and went to pull away but Alexander tightened his grip around Laf’s torso and pressed his face even closer into their chest breathing them in. They smelled like home.

 

“Don’t you dare get John, you know he makes me talk” he tried to say it sternly but his voice wavered in and out cracking at the very end.

 

“ _Mon amour_ if you are sitting on the...how you say?”They said in frustration snapping your fingers. Alexander stared up at them waiting before Lafayette huffed.

 

“The _balcon_ I think you are needing to talk to him”They said and yawned again rubbing their eyes. Alex knew this sound and this look, Lafayette’s English vocabulary diminished greatly when they were tired.

 

Alex sighed and pulled away running a hand over his face.

 

“You’re tired Laf, you should go back to sleep...tell John or don’t but if he chews me out don’t go and ask _pourquoi tu fais cette tête?_ ”he said and puffed his chest out mimicking his lover.

 

Lafayette smiled and gently cupped Alexander’s cheek.

 

“Your French is improving my love, you are almost as good as me”They said.

 

Alex’s eyes glazed over with pride and he blushed at the praise.

 

“I am wanting to ask one more question before sleep”They said leaning against the doorway.

 

Alex folded his arms and nodded.

 

Lafayette took a deep breath and tried to regain their composure.

 

“Were you going to commit...suicide?” They asked whispering the last part almost under their breath. Maybe if they didn’t say it loud enough it wouldn’t be real.

 

Alexander stared back at them with his mouth slightly agape. For once in his life the man who left Aaron burr frustrated and at lost for words was feeling the same pain.

 

“I...I don’t have an answer for that”he said.

 

Lafayette’s expression hardened.

 

“Goodnight Alexander, come back to bed soon”They said and stumbled back to the bedroom.


	2. Chapter 2

Alexander never came to bed. Sometime between 4:00am and Dawn he shut himself in his office. How could he be so stupid to let his feelings get the best of him? He thought back to the night prior and sighed, he shouldn’t have told Lafayette that.

 

He’s already been given the lecture from John multiple times about the balcony but he can’t help himself, it’s like a gravitational pull and he always seems to find himself back there.

 

When he was sat up there it was like the horizon between this world and the sky seemed to merge. If he tried hard enough he could almost get a peak to the other side. Was it peaceful on the other side? Would he end up on the more unpleasant end of the other side? Would his mother be waiting for him on the other side?

 

There were so many opportunities for him to die but he was still alive, why? What made him so different from everyone else that he got to live? His mother always told him that death didn’t discriminate between the sinners and the saints, it just takes and takes and takes. Why didn’t it take him?

 

There was a rapid knocking on the door that ripped him out of his day dream almost throwing him into a panic.

 

No balcony,no horizon,no mo-

 

“Alexander!” The voice was clear as day.

 

Now a new panic set in the pit of his stomach. The knocking only got louder practically turning into banging.

 

He looked at the clock 7:00am, that means Laf had already left for work. When Laf leaves for work that means-

 

“Alexander fucking Hamilton open the fucking door!”That means John was awake and despite the time he was livid.

 

“Alexander I swear to god I will bust this shit open!”he screamed, despite the thick wood between them his voice was clear as day. That strong Brooklyn accent that attracted him years ago was now in full affect.

 

Alex slowly got up and unlocked the door quickly backing away, just as he expected the door was swung wide the force leaving a dent in the wall.

 

“Come here”John said completely calm. Alex took a cautionary step forward and was soon pulled in a vice like grip against his partners chest.

 

“Y-you son of a bitch!”John exclaimed burying his face in Alexander’s neck leaving him almost stunned. This is anything but what he expected.

 

Instead of yelling at him John was...breaking down? That was the only way to explain it, his face was bright red as tears streamed carelessly.

 

“Y-you w-were going t-to leave me!”he screamed and gripped onto the front of Alex’s shirt almost falling to his knees. Alex acted quick and and wrapped an arm around his waist.

 

“After everything we been through you was just gonna leave me!”he screamed. Alexander sighed, he would much prefer a lecture.

 

“John...”he started but John wiped his face and held a hand up.

 

“Don’t you think I tried Alex? Huh? Don’t you tried to take the easy way out?”

 

Alexander couldn’t believe what he was hearing. John was so strong and easy going, he could be a hard ass but...this is not what he expected.

 

“I wanted to, I wanted to bad but I thought of you Alexander! I thought of what I would be throwing away and if it means I gotta deal with the fucked up shit I been through just to be with you I would choose you a million fucking times!”he screamed.

 

Now he was mad.

 

“You were going to throw it all away huh? I’m a wreck right now and so is Princess and Hunky, imagine if you actually did it? Alexander you are my home and trust and believe I could not go on with you”he said and pulled away cupping the smaller mans cheeks.

 

“I...I wasn’t going to do it”Alexander said weakly, he was feeling too much and too little under the gaze of John.

 

“But you wanted to huh?”he asked finally lowering his voice.

 

“I’ve considered it once or twice...”he said as the distance between them grew smaller.

 

“Is it because I don’t how much I care enough?...i-is this one on me? Because I can do so much better-“he started as tears reappeared in his eyes.

 

“No no no, it’s not on you...it’s been a hard few weeks for me. Last week was....”Alex started but soon trailed off as tears blurred in his vision. He could say it in his head all he wanted but saying the words out loud proved difficult.

 

“I-I wasn’t there to protect you”John said his voice cracking as a tear slid down his cheek.

 

“Protect me from what baby?”Alex asked wiping the tear with his thumb.

 

“Protect you from yourself Alex, I’ve always been there for you when this happened since the day we met a-and I wasn’t...”he said.

 

“I understand that you’re busy John, I don’t blame you but I can admit it was a bit harder to um...cope”he said choosing his words carefully, could he even call it coping? He spent the entire day locked up in his office sobbing and trying to distract himself with anything and everything he could muster.

 

“No Alex you’re more important than my work and I need you to believe that...I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there for you”John said.

 

Alexander stood in silence trying to soak it all in. John took this as a sign to keep talking.

 

“Listen I-I know I don’t say this often enough, call it the toxic masculinity or the internationalized homophobia but I-“he said and it’s like a song that was paused prematurely, he couldn’t get the words out.

 

“Take your time”Alex said quietly.

 

John couldn’t say the words no matter how hard he tried. His body trembled and his face turned beet red as he let out a scream of frustration and turned away punching the wall repeatedly. He let out a cry of agony as his knuckles bruised but he couldn’t stop, he fucking deserved it. Why couldn’t he say three simple words? He knew he loved Alexander but saying or even hearing the words physically made him ill, he could reference the time him and Hercules were getting busy and he threw up due to those twisted beautiful words.

 

The sound of feet rapidly hitting the hardwood floor came from down the hall and there he stood at the door frame as though thinking about him could cause a physical manifestation.

 

“Alexander is he...?”he asked and Alex simply nodded staring blankly at the ground. He wanted to help but right now he was running on empty.

 

Hercules swooped in and grabbed John at the waist who was still punching and kicking as he sobbed and mumbled to himself.

 

“Hey hey hey John, it’s me Herc”he cooed softly in his ear. He kept repeating it until John recognized his voice and slowly started to calm down. His chest heaved and his face paled.

 

“I-I need!”he said quickly.

 

Hercules quickly grabbed the waste bin and handed it to John who buried his face in it throwing up. He quickly set John to his feet and took a step back giving him his space.

 

After a few minutes John’s head reappeared and he wiped the corner of his lip wincing.

 

“It was bad this time wasn’t it?”he said and chuckled weakly assessing the damage. His knuckles were raw and blood dripped down his hand, he looked up at the wall and saw he had barely made quite the dent.

 

“Herc...I’m sorry-“he started but Hercules held his hand up.

 

“I’ve been dating you for almost six years, you don’t have to explain yourself to me”he said. John nodded and looked at Alexander.

 

“I tried to help...”he said pathetically.

 

“Shhh I know you did, he’s dissociating right now. I’m going to go put him to bed and then I’m going to come and wrap your hands up, okay?”he said. John nodded weakly and Hercules took a few strides and leaned down kissing his forehead.

 

“I care about you deeply”he said with the upmost seriousness.

 

“I care about you too hunky”John said and it seems as though even for a second he had that familiar playful glint in his eyes.

 

Hercules smiles and grabbed Alexander throwing him over his shoulder and walking towards the bedroom.

 

John sighed and rubbing his knuckles.

 

How were they going to tell Lafayette about this?

 


	3. Chapter 3

The tension in the apartment was thick and Hercules was torn. It was in his better judgment to keep John and Alex away from each other but they were both in dire need of his attention, the two went from closed off to needy in the blink of an eye.

 

John being the lesser affectionate of the bunch he usually savored these moments but he couldn’t help but feel as though Alex was being neglected.

 

“I jus wanna see him...say ‘m sorry”John mumbled against Hercules chest. He was curled up in the fetal position gripping onto Herc’s shirt so tightly his hands were shaking. He wasn’t sure if he was crying anymore, he didn’t even have the energy to feel weak. He knew Herc’s arms were safe and that’s all he needed.

 

Hercules sighed and rubbed Johns back gently rocking him.

 

“You had a long morning and you should go back to sleep”he said.

 

“Alright daddy”John said with a twinge of aggravation to his tone.

 

“I can’t believe even after a blackout you still find it in you to be sarcastic”

 

“You’d be surprised at the things I can do after a blackout”he mumbled. Although it was said casually it didn’t sit right with him.

 

“John how many blackouts have you had in the last few months?”he asked.

 

“I dunno...maybe three...four?”He slurred.

 

That was at least once in the last few months, John’s ability to keep a poker face was insane. At this point he could be described as a functioning alcoholic.

 

“I’m going to make an appointment to see your therapist next week, no if’s,but’s or I’ll fucking kill you’s”he said sternly.

 

“Fine”John said.

 

Fine? This was worse than Hercules thought, he wasn’t even fighting it. The hands that were so tightly gripping his shirt fell into his lap as the hazel eyes of his lover closed and his breath slowed.

 

He was asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Once Lafayette got home it was an unspoken decision to switch roles, Alex needed sensibility and John needed affection. 

 

They slowly crept into the bedroom and smiled as they saw the look of peace on John’s face. Every single freckle exactly where they had left it this morning. A soft blush burned through tear stricken cheeks.

 

They quickly hurried around the room grabbing things they would need. John’s blackouts were usually followed by emotional drops that could last indefinitely, he would cling to one person’s one person only with his life and become their personal shadow for however long.

 

Lafayette kneeled by the side of the bed and stroked his cheek.

 

“ _mon Dieu_ look at how beautiful you are my love”They said quietly. The sound of their voice seemed to rouse John from his sleep because he started to stir and soon bolted up in his spot with wide eyes and messy hair.

 

“Shhh it is alright _ma faiblesse_ ”They said quietly and reached up combing a gentle hand through his knotted hair.

 

“what does that mean?”John asked quietly. Lafayette froze, they knew they would have to explain one day but not at a moment like this.

 

“I am not sure what you mean...”They said.

 

John rolled his eyes.

 

“Don’t play the I don’t know English card now, you know what I mean. You only call

me this...everyone is is ma chaton but I’m...different”he said letting out a breath signifying the end of his rant.

 

“It is very beautiful and all I can tell you is it means a lot to me because you are different”Lafayette said.

 

“When will you tell me?”He asked.

 

“The right time will come and it will be magnificent”Laf said with a twinkle in their eyes.

 

“Mhm sure, I smell like shit can I go shower?”John asked wrinkling up his nose.

 

“You know the rules”Laf said.

 

“Yeah yeah you have to come with me I know, I’m practically on suicide watch”he muttered and they both froze up at the mention of that word. Lafayette looked piercingly into John’s eyes sending a shiver down the man’s spine and he nodded his head getting out of bed.

 

“Laf will you braid my hair when I’m done, it’s a mess”he said pointing to the mass of curls. He could have sworn he had combed it the night before but it always ended up a mess of coils one way or another.

 

Lafayette nodded and couldn’t help the smile from creeping up on their face, they loved to braid John’s hair, it was a privilege that was only for special occasions.

 

“I do not know what you were dreaming about but you seem to have woken up with a problem”They said. John looked down and cursed under his breath.

 

“Shit...I...”his cheeks turned pink as he rubbed the nape of his neck trying to come up with some sort of explanation.

 

“Just know I am here to help you, that includes even problems of this sort”they said and winked.

 

“Do you have to sit in the bathroom with me?”he groaned.

 

Lafayette nodded and crossed their arms.

 

“ _Oui_ , you know why. I promise not to stare I respect your privacy, but if you do need help just know I am always willing to lend you my mou-“

 

“That’s enough Lafayette!”John squeaked and grabbed the towel storming off to the bathroom.

 

“ _Ma faiblesse en effet_ ”They said grabbed all the care items they needed and followed after.


	5. Chapter 5

For the next few weeks following that event John and Alexander walked on eggshells around each other. It was funny really how casual they tried to be but they would use the most minimal excuses to not be around each other. It was like the elephant in the room was trying to hide.

 

At first Lafayette and Hercules were worried but now they were keeping track of all the insane excuses that were being used. It wasn’t the most romantic or couple thing to do but hey they were friends first before any romance ensued.

 

Alexander was sat on the couch one leg crossed over the other as he focused on the documentary in front of him. When he lived with his foster family there was a no nonsense tolerance. No games,movies or shows unless they were educational and only for an hour a day. He spent his teenage years trying to make them happy but they were never satisfied, they would never be satisfied...

 

“Mind if I sit here?”John asked gruffly from behind him. He yelped and quickly fumbled for the remote closing out of Netflix.

 

“Unless you were watching porn out in the open what the hell was that?”The freckled man asked raising an eyebrow.

 

“I...um it was nothing John, how was work?”he asked.

 

“Alexander cut the crap we both know I’m unemployed, I’m the Martha Stewart’s of this damn house”he said crossing his arms.

 

“I was watching a documentary on fungi”he mumbled.

 

John’s eyes softened.

 

“Alex you hate documentaries, you thinkin about Janice and Steven?”he asked. Alexander nodded and ran a hand over his face.

 

“Why were they like that John? Why was I never enough for them?”He asked. John scooted closer and grabbed Alex’s hands.

 

“Look at where we are and look at where we started”John said and gestured around the room.

 

“The fact that we’re both alive right now is a fucking miracle, so look alive sunshine”John said and raised his hand cupping Alex’s cheek.

 

“I-I know it’s just...hard”Alex said with a sigh.

 

“I know Alex, I know it’s hard but I...I L-o-v-e you. I know that’s a childish way for me to say it but if it brings you peace of mind, that would be enough” at this point John had closed the distance between the two. Alex could feel the other man’s breath on his lips.

 

“Look at where we are, Look at where we started...”Alexander repeated in a hushed tone he stares into John’s eyes and was brought back to where it all started.

 

_Alexander’s eyes widened as he was dragged through the cold streets of Harlem, it was December 1st and he was finally being moved through the system. The lady at the foster center said that this was the first step to being adopted._

_“Keep up Kid, you’re far too skinny to be moving so slow!”The lady said In annoyance as she weaved her way through city traffic._

_“I’m sorry ma’am”he mumbled._

_She gripped his wrist tighter and ran across the street. Once they made it safely across Alexander shook and looked up at her._

_“W-we couldn’t just wait for the white man?”he asked._

_“The white man?”_

_“Yeah the white man...the one who makes sure it’s safe to cross”he said._

_She furrowed her brows and looked at him._

_“You mean the walk sign?”she asked amusement lacing her voice. He nodded slowly, walk sign...that was a funny name for the white man. He shrugged it off and sighed thinking about the huge houses he had seen on the train ride over here._

_This was just like his island but colder. There was the neighborhood bodega,the corner store,the school and the church. It seems like everyone’s hood was practically the same._

_They stopped in front of an apartment complex and the lady smiled._

_“This is our stop kid”she said and walked up the stairs. It seemed like his feet were frozen because he couldn’t put in the thoughts into motion to actually climb them._

_“Come on kid, this is your new home-what did I tell you about dragging that suitcase?”she said through gritted teeth._

_His face paled and a sharp chill shot down his spine as he flipped the suitcase around so the wheels were actually ground level. He hadn’t realized he’d been dragging it._

_“I’m sorry ma’am”he said._

_“Good, now come on!”she hissed gesturing towards the door. He quickly climbed the stairs heaving his suitcase behind him._

_She pulled out a set of keys and opened the door, Alexander was met with an immediate onslaught of noise. A boy around his age was standing there waiting with a baby on his hip, holding a toddlers hand. He had amber eyes and dark hair curly hair pulled back in a ponytail._

_“Good John you’re here, this is Alexander. Go nuts, I gotta run!”she said pushing Alex forward and jogging back down the stairs._

_John looked him up and down and frowned._

_“I don’t gotta take care of you too do I?”He asked._

_“I-I beg your pardon sir?”Alex stuttered._

_John furrowed his brows and took a step forward._

_“The fuck you just call me?”_

 

It was one of Alexander’s fondest memories, he was glad John was the one to open the door.

 

“Earth to Alexander, are you okay babe?”John asked.

 

“Look at where we are! Look at where the fuck we started!”Alex suddenly exclaimed. John’s eyes widened as he jumped back in surprise.

 

“Yeah baby...did you have another flashback?”he questioned and Alex nodded.

 

“It was a good one this time, the day we first met”Alex said. John smiled and ran a hand through his hair.

 

“Oh god I remember that day! you were so small I thought you were like nine or somethin”he said and chuckled.

 

Alex glared.

 

“Yeah I know, I can’t believe Janice had you working with all the kids”Alex said.

 

John shrugged.

 

“I was a dropout baby, I couldn’t live there if I didn’t do somethin”he said.

 

“Your accent is really strong today”Alex said staring at his lips.

 

“What’s that gotta do with kids?”John asked smirking.

 

“Nothing, but it’s got me feelin some type of way”Alex said. John leaned back and clasped his hands together hollering.

 

“No way! The prestigious Alexander Hamilton is using hood slang?”he asked. Alex nodded.

 

“You know I only speak like this when it’s just you and me because...”Alex said

 

“There can only be one New Yorker who sounds the part”John finished with a cheesy grin.

 

“That’s right, now quit playin with me and kiss me already”he said.

 

John gripped Alexander’s hair and pulled his close.

 

“Don’t mind if I do”


	6. Chapter 6

Lafayette walked into the house and immediately kicked off their heels closing the door behind them. Today they had chosen to take the later to their usual early morning shift which meant they got home at an unspeakable time.

 

“ _Je suis un putain d'idiot_ ”They spat bitterly under their breath. They regretted the decision every time but it still somehow wriggled itself into their subconscious as they were trying to sleep the night prior.

 

Taking the later shift didn’t even mean sleeping in, Lafayette was practically incapable of that. As soon as the sun was up they were up, being an early bird had its perks but this was not one of them.

 

They had been up since 5:00am and it was closing in on midnight. They hung their purse up one of the hooks by the closet and shrugged off their coat.

 

“You are going to watch judge Judy and relax”They mumbled to themself and plopped down on the couch. Immediately a chill shot up their spine in realization and they gasped jumping back up to their feet.

 

“ _Mon Dieu_!”They squealed and immediately shimmied out of their skirt. They had sat in a wet spot and not just any wet spot _the_ infamous wet spot. They turned to face the couch and covered their mouth eyes growing the size of saucers.

 

They were going to kill them.

 

“My couch!”They whined.

 

It was a limited edition model all the way from France and now one of their partners cum was soaking in it. They jogged to the bathroom and pulled a mask over their face grabbing a sponge and bleach.

 

“Babe?”A raspy voice whispered. Lafayette’s heart stopped for a second before recognizing who it was.

 

“Oh Hercules I am sorry, did I wake you?”They asked. Hercules shook his head and took a few steps forward.

 

“I was just putting the finishing touches on a dress”he said.

 

Lafayette nodded.

 

“I guess you’ve seen the surprise Alex and John left on the couch?”He asked.

 

“Hercules you knew!”Laf cried and pulled at their hair.

 

“Shhh baby, they only went at it a half an hour ago”he said.

 

“Yes but on my couch-“

 

“We’ve all fucked on that couch at least twice”he said giving Lafayette a pointed look who was still pouting.

 

“I know but it was _très belle_...”They said.

 

“Yes Laf I know it was _très belle_ but I think we should be happy about the fact that they finally made up”he said.

 

Lafayette sighed and took down their hair running their fingers through it.

 

“I know I’m just being _Un morveux stupide_ ”They said and looked down playing with their fingers.

 

Hercules furrowed his brows for a few seconds and clenched his teeth.

 

“Gilbert.”he said. Lafayette’s head shot up almost immediately giving Hercules their full attention.

 

“I haven’t heard you talk so poorly about yourself in years, we are having a couples discussion tomorrow”He said.

 

Lafayette nodded.

 

“I need to clean the couch...”they said but Hercules held up a hand.

 

“I’ll do it, you need to go to sleep because you are not taking the late shift tomorrow”He said.

 

Lafayette felt a warmth spread across their cheeks and nodded wrapping their arms around him. The only person who could tell Lafayette what to do and not get an argument was Hercules.

 

Hercules chuckled and ran a hand through his partners hair.

 

“I haven’t forgotten about you a baby,

I know you need some lovin just like our boys do”he said.

 

“I appreciate you so much _mon chou_ ”They said.

 

“I appreciate you too French fry, now get to bed”He said.

 

Lafayette walked into the bedroom fully ready to raise hell and give their partners a piece of their mind but stopped at the door way gasping.

 

“ _pas adorable_...”They breathed out.

 

Alexander and John were cuddled up in the middle of the bed. John had his arms wrapped around Alex who was gently gripping the duvet with one hand and sucking his thumb with the other. It was a peculiar sight but Lafayette couldn’t get over the fact of how cute it was.

 

“I know”Hercules whispered causing Lafayette to stiffen up in fright once again. They needed to get this man a bell or something.

 

“I came by earlier to scold them but were all cuddled up. Believe it or not but John was sucking on his fingers just like this”He said and stuck his middle and pointer finger in his mouth. Lafayette grinned and clasped their hands together.

 

“Did you take a picture?”They asked.

 

“Of course I did”he said and pulled out hisphone.

 

“Are we going to bring it up in the couple meeting tomorrow?”Lafayette asked.

 

“Of course we are”


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning Lafayette rose early and smiled to themself.

 

_Back on schedule_ they thought and rolled out of bed. Exactly fifteen minutes later almost like clockwork John was groaning and stretching, arching his back until he was satisfied with the amount of cracks.

 

Lafayette felt a strong pair of arms wrap around them and closed their eyes sighing in contentment as butterfly light kisses were trailed down their neck.

 

“G’mornin princess”John rasped and placed a kiss on Lafayette’s cheek. Lafayette smiled and leaned back into John’s touch. They savored moments like this with John, just the two of them.

 

“Good morning _mon amour_ ”They said.

 

“How’s about you hop in the shower and I go make you some breakfast with _un cafecito_?”he said and smirked at the dumbfounded look on Lafayette’s face.

 

“I did not know you spoke another language...”They said in shock. A heavy feeling grew in their chest at just how little they really knew about John.

 

“Don’t stress about it princess, I never told anyone”he said.

 

“But why you sounded...beautiful” Lafayette whispered.

 

John blushed and shrugged them off.

 

“Don’t flatter me, I only offered to make you a ‘lil coffee”he said and rubbed the back of his neck.

 

“Why don’t you speak it?”Lafayette asked.

“Are you ashamed of it?”

 

John quickly shook his head and sighed.

 

“Let’s just say Alexander wasn’t the only one who grew up in the Caribbean”He said.

 

“Tell me of where you are from” Lafayette whispered cautiously and took the man’s hands in their own. John sighed and pulled away.

 

“Maybe another time...”he said but Lafayette grabbed his hands tighter.

 

“Why are you doing this?”Their voice was almost unrecognizably thick with confusion and sadness. John’s eyes widened as tears welled up in his partners brown eyes, everything was crashing down around him.

 

No one is ever as strong as they seem. He wanted to scream, he wanted to explain everything. The trials and tribulations, how fucked his childhood was. How Steve and Janice could kiss his ass and go to hell, the amount of times he thought he was bound for hell.

 

“What do you mean?” Is all he could say.

 

Lafayette pulled him out of the room and pinned him against the wall.

 

“You know exactly what I’m talking about!”They exclaimed in a hushed tone.

 

“Why do you always close yourself off, especially to me? Am I not good enough for you John? Am I too feminine?”They asked.

 

John quickly shook his head.

 

“No Laf it’s not that you know I care about you more than anything, I like the way you are and who you are”he said.

 

“Are you sure? I know people look at us differently when we go-“

 

John rolled his eyes and reached around grabbing Lafayette’s hair in his fist and pulling them into a kiss. Lafayette stumbled for a second at the sheer force but soon brought their hands up and cupped John’s face.

 

Before things could go any further John pulled away and looked up into Lafayette’s teary eyes.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling this way?”he asked.

 

“Because I didn’t want to make a big deal out of nothing”they said.

 

“Your feelings are something Lafayette and I care about them, I may be a little rough around the edges b-“

 

“Stop it.”Lafayette whispered.

 

“Stop what?”John said.

 

“Stop putting yourself down, you are perfect”They said.

 

John smiled.

 

“I L-o-v-e you Lafayette”John said.

 

“I L-o-v-e you too _ma faiblesse_ ”Laf said.

 

John grinned and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

 

_“mi reina_ ”he said. The R rolled perfectly off his tongue and Lafayette watched in amazement.

 

“What does that mean?”They breathed out.

 

“It’s fuckin beautiful and all I can tell you is it means a lot to me because you’re different”he said.

 

Lafayette smiled at the play on their own words.

 

“When will you tell me?”They asked

 

“The right time will come and it will be magnificent”


	8. Chapter 8

The morning went on like usual after that.

Lafayette fussed in the mirror on their appearance like usual.

 

John walked in and grabbed their hand.

 

“Breakfast is waiting for you and I got your coffee in ya tumbla cup”he said distractedly as his eyes scanned over his partner.

 

“You mean my tumbler cup?”they asked furrowing their brows.

 

“Mhm...damn baby you look fine as hell, how about you wear that necklace I got you?”John suggested.

 

That was it, the missing piece that they needed. The necklace was a simple gold chain with the letters L and J on it with a rose in the middle.

 

A memory of how they first met.

 

_John walked over and fiddled with his tie nervously. It was a few days after their talk about wanting another partner, a mutual agreement. It felt like a weight had been lifted off both of their shoulders._

_He tapped the person’s shoulder and smirked biting his lip._

_“You seem to be the ball of the belle...I-I mean the belle of the ball!”He quickly corrected himself and rubbed the back of his neck turning bright red._

_What was wrong with him, he never stuttered._

_“And what if I am?”They said the words almost getting lost In their accent._

_“Gah damn...”John said under his breath as his jaw dropped._

_“You are how you say...beau, are you my prince?”They said with a cheeky grin._

_“O-Oui!”_

 

It was history from there.

 

“There”He said as he finally got the clip into place around his partner’s neck.

 

“Now you’re the belle of the ball”he said.

 

“Don’t you mean the ball of the belle?”Lafayette corrected with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

 

“Yes exactly you’re ri-wait I said it right this time!”He exclaimed throwing his partner into a fit of giggles.

 

“It is fun to mess with you, you get flustered and it is cute”They explained. 

 

John felt the familiar blush creep up his neck and ducked his head trying to hide it.

 

“Listen you’ve gotta get your tight little ass on the highway before traffic hits”he said and grabbed Lafayette’s ass admiring how it looked in their slacks.

 

“ _Oui_ but we both know my ass is anything but _petit_ ”They said and threw a wink over their shoulder tying their hair up in a top knot.

 

John’s eyes widened.

 

“Oh you’re mine when you get home”he growled.

 

“I wouldn’t want anything more”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could hardly call this a chapter but I’m just loving the John/Lafayette dynamic going on


	9. Chapter 9

Alexander slowly opened his eyes and smiled, big strong arms were wrapped around him. He felt small and safe, god it’s been so long since he’s felt like this.

 

“Mmm good morning sleeping beauty, did you rest well?”Hercules asked.

 

Alex simply buried his face deeper into Herc’s chest practically purring as hands soon found there way into his hair.

 

He felt his boyfriend’s chest vibrate with laughter.

 

“I’m going to take that as a yes, you slept like a baby last night”Hercules said.

 

Alex quirked up a brow at the choice of words but thought nothing of it.

 

“So I was going to wait until our couples meeting today-“

 

“We’re having another one of those?”he groaned.

 

“Yes we are. Anyways before you so rudely interrupted, I was just wondering why you were sucking your thumb last night”Hercules said.

 

Panic.

 

That was the only way to describe Alexander’s reaction. He shot up out of bed immediately and stumbled to the door trying to make an escape.

 

Hercules got up and strode over throwing Alex over his shoulder.

 

“You’re not running away from me this time, I just want an explanation. Does it make you feel safe?”he asked.

 

Alex nodded slowly and squirmed in the man’s arms.

 

“I’m gonna pinch your butt”he threatened. He soon felt a sharp sting and yelped.

 

“What was that for!?”he said.

 

“Seems like I got you first”Hercules said casually. Alexander glared at his back.

 

“Tell me more Alexander, why does it make you feel safe?”He asked and took a seat on the bed. Alex grunted as he was manhandled into a seated position on Herc’s lap. His arms were wrapped around him not tight enough that it hurt but tight enough that he knew he wouldn’t be going anywhere anytime soon.

 

“Man I don’t know! It just does!”he exclaimed.

 

“Lower your voice.”Hercules reprimanded gently. Alex blushed and mumbled an apology.

 

“There’s got to be a reason, does it make you feel small? Protected?”Hercules inquired.

 

Alex nodded again and started to squirm again.

 

“You’re free to go, send John in please”he said and opened his arms. Alex hopped off of his lap and scurried out of the room into the kitchen.

 

“John!”he said.

 

The amber eyed man was dancing around the kitchen wearing the frilliest apron they owned.

 

“Oh god morning baby!”he exclaimed and danced over kissing Alex on the cheek.

 

“Why don’t you wipe that look of your face and stay a while? Bachata with me? I’ll play Romeo Santos”He said and wiggled his eyebrows.

 

Alex furrowed his own and looked around.

 

“You’re wearing an apron, offering to dance to Latin music with me and you’re _cooking arroz con habichuelas_? Are you okay?”he asked.

 

“I’m better than okay, early morning revelations with Lafayette are the best!”John exclaimed.

 

“You’re freaking me out babe”Alex said. Nothing was normal today, did he wake up on mars?

 

John rolled his eyes and took out his phone pressing play. He grabbed Alexander’s hands and pulled him close dancing side to side guiding his husband’s clumsy feet.

 

“Come on babe, I know you still got some rhythm in you. Just imagine we’re back in Harlem, dancin on the fire escape”he saidin his ear.

 

Alex closed his eyes and smiled at the memory, it all came flooding back to him like remembering how to ride a bike. He took a deep breath and chuckled as they danced around the kitchen. His eyes zoned in on a bright purple bottle and he couldn’t help but laugh.

 

“I knew something smelled familiar, is that fabuloso?”he asked.

 

John smiled and twirled him around.

 

“It’s the only correct way to mop the floor”he said.

 

“Don’t tell me I’ll be wakin up next Sunday morning to you playing Ritchie Valens”Alex joked.

 

“No promises babe”he said.

 

They danced for what felt like forever before the reggaeton started playing, they shared a look and quickly shut it off. They both knew they couldn’t control themselves when the reggaeton started playing.

 

“Feeling any better?”John asked wiping the sweat off his forehead. Alex nodded and doubled over placing his hands on his knees taking a deep breath.

 

“I don’t even remember why I came in here”he answered honestly.

 

“But what I really wanna say is I missed this side of you John. This is the John who swept me off my feet damn near ten years ago, the John that I married”He said.

 

John smiled.

 

“I could say the same for you Alexander, I married you for a reason. Mr. Alexander Hamilton-Laurens”he said and kissed his forehead.

 

“Now _ir a tomar una ducha_ , I need to finish cooking”John said.

 

“Oh I love it when you talk dirty to me in Spanish”Alexander said.

 

“Oh is that right?”John said and placed his lips right next to Alex’s lips.

 

“ _hueles a mierda_ ”He whispered rolling his R’s extra long.

 

Alex gasped and slapped his shoulder.

 

“Rude ass!”he exclaimed.

 

“Guilty as charged, but I’m serious you smell like shit go take a shower”he said.

 

Alex rolled his eyes and walked out of the kitchen.

 

“What is taking them so long?”Hercules muttered.

 

Alexander walked back into the bedroom and grabbed his towel.

 

Hercules looked at him incredulously.

 

“Didn’t I tell you to send John in?”he asked.

 

Alexander groaned and slapped a hand against his forehead.

 

“ _Coño_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations  
> arroz con habichuelas-rice and beans  
> ir a tomar una ducha-go take a shower  
> hueles a mierda-you smell like shit  
> Coño-fuck
> 
> I’m sorry for not adding Translations prior but now the language barrier is even growing a bit much for me and I’m writing the shit so please accept this Laurens/Ham fluff as an apology


	10. Chapter 10

Lafayette walked through the front door and crashed on the couch in a sigh of relief. They loved their job but thank god it was over and done with for the day. It was bring your child to work day and they were not prepared to be the center of attention. It seems like French words,big poofy hair and jewelry lures in any child.

 

Looking past all the little hands tugging on their hair they really enjoyed it. Lafayette had always loved taking care of people, specifically children. There was just this unlimited amount of energy and curiosity and innocence that melted their heart.

 

“Woah you look rough” the couch sank down next to them. They rolled their eyes and looked up to meet a freckled smirking face.

 

“That is what happens when you spend five hours entertaining children”They said.

 

John seemed to stiffen up and shook his head scrunching his face up.

 

“God I hate children”he spat.

 

Lafayette’s face fell and they sat up tilting their head. _Hate_ and _Children_ felt so wrong being in the same sentence together. It was like hating carbs, people did but it still surprised them every time it was mentioned.

 

“No no no baby I...I don’t hate children. I just don’t like being responsible for them”he said.

 

Lafayette nodded slowly.

 

“This is about your past, no?”They asked gently. They only knew the bare minimum of John’s story, growing up through the system and being a high school dropout. There was so much more to it...

 

_December 22nd,Harlem, Saint Mary’s foster home. John had just gotten home from school and slung his backpack on the chair almost pouring over with excitement. Ms.Mac’s first grade class had spent a good portion of the day creating Christmas ornaments, he couldn’t wait to show Janice his!_

_It was a picture of him,her and Steven holding a toy car. It’s what he’s wanted for years, every Christmas she said next year but maybe this year was the year!_

_Janice had walked into view and he ran up to her pulling on her pant leg._

_“Mommy mommy look what we done in sch-“he started but she pressed a finger to her lips narrowing her eyes at him._

_Steven soon walked into the kitchen from the living room bouncing a crying baby on his hip. His eyes lit up once he saw John and he smiled._

_“Daddy guess wha-“_

_“Jimmy it’s good you’re back, how about you take Jamie up to your room and watch her?”he said._

_John’s face fell and he nodded opening his arms. He thought things were supposed to be different when it was Christmas time, why weren’t they listening to him?_

_“Such a good big brother, how’s the big ol seven treatin ya?”he asked. John placed the baby on his hip and furrowed his brows._

_“Daddy ‘m only six-“_

_“Sorry bud I gotta take this call, you might be getting a little brother for Christmas”he said with a wink. John’s bottom lip trembled as he walked up the stairs as quickly as he could. A baby for Christmas again? Where did mommy and daddy keep getting all these babies from?_

_He pushed open the door and scooted up on his bed pressing his back against the wall. Jamie soon began to fuss and he rubbed her back trying not to panic._

_“P-please no Jamie, if you cry mommy an daddy gonna get mad at me”he said and tried rocking her. To no avail the baby let out a wail. John rested his head against the wall and let out a whimper as the tears rolled down his face._

“John...john...”

_Mommy and daddy were going to be so mad at him._

“John!”the voice exclaimed followed by rapid clapping. He took a deep breath and blinked his eyes rapidly looking at the room around them.

 

“John why are you crying my love?”Lafayette asked wiping his tears.

 

“I...I can’t do children Lafayette I’m sorry but I can’t!”He cried out pulling his knees up to his chest.

 

“Shhh it’s okay my love it’s okay-“

 

“They were so angry at me! So angry, I was just a kid!”he sobbed.

 

“They are not here anymore, you’re safe here”They wrapped their arms around John and pulled him onto their lap rubbing his back.

 

“I thought they loved me, I really did. I was just an extra set of hands”he said.

 

“Are you talking about your foster parents?”They asked. John nodded and wiped his eyes.

 

“They loved every other child in there except for me. I didn’t get shit for my birthday or for Christmas, Hell they didn’t even know my name half the time”he said.

 

“Everyone else got adopted except for me...I had to grow up there”he said and pulled his shirt up wiping his face.

 

Lafayette nodded solemnly and felt their heart shatter. Now was a better time than ever to explain this.

 

“I know you did not get a childhood John, but maybe we could give you one?”They asked softly. John’s head snapped up and his eyes bulged out of his skull.

 

“W-what do you mean by that? You mean that weird daddy kink shit?”He asked. Lafayette rolled their eyes and shook their head.

 

“No not the ‘weird daddy kink shit’, it’s called age regression. I think it could be very beneficial towards you...and Alexander, I’ve thought about it for a long time”They said.

 

Age regression?

 

“I saw you sucking on your fingers the other day. That makes you feel safe, yes?”They asked.

 

John nodded slowly.

 

“I will wait until the couple discussion to spill all the...the how you say that expression?”they asked.

 

“The beans?”John croaked.

 

“Ah yes! Spill the beans, what a funny expression-anyways! You will be able to return to adult life whenever you want and no one outside of us has to know”They said.

 

“When you mean childhood y-you mean like goin to the park an the zoo an stuff?”he asked. Lafayette nodded their head and John smiled a bit, he had always wanted to go to the zoo.

 

“I think I wanna know more about this”

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

“Absolutely not!”Alexander exclaimed and flopped back on the couch. John sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

 

“Alex you’re not even listening to them all the way through”John said grabbing Alex’s hands.

 

“John is right Alex, we haven’t even started the meeting yet”Hercules said. Alex rolled his eyes and snatched his hands back crossing his arms. This whole meeting was pointless to him, he had so much stuff he’d rather be doing than talking about his feelings.

 

“Then can we keep it short? I’ve got a twenty-five page essay due in two months”he said. Lafayette rolled their eyes and muttered under their breath.

 

“Lafayette would you like to explain?”Hercules asked. Lafayette nodded and pulled out there mac book opening google slides.

 

“I have made a power point presentation on the subject”They said proudly. Alex couldn’t help but grin, he’s finally started rubbing off on the French fry.

 

_“One thing to remember before you get out there babe”Alex said_

_Lafayette suddenly stopped their nervous pacing and faced the small man._

_“Yes my love? Anything would help right now”_

_“Everything is more convincing with a power point presentation”_

 

Good to know he doesn’t talk for nothing.

 

Lafayette pressed the presentation mode and started with the first slide. It simply said age regression. Alex furrowed hiseyebrows.

 

“Is that a man in a onesie?”he said slowly. Lafayette nodded and quickly turned to the first slide.

 

“What is age regression? Probably the question you are all asking “They said. Everyone nodded and they took it as a sign to continue.

 

“Age regression is actually a form of therapy where a person who has dealt with childhood trauma or for better words lack of childhood gets to experience the feelings of childhood at a later age. It is basically regressing to a younger headspace, it’s also used by many just as a stress reliever.” They said.

 

Alexander’s jaw dropped, he had basically been doing this for years. Even back when he was in the Caribbean. Now that it had a name and a coherent definition it all started to make sense.

 

“I-I know what this is...”he said softly. Everyone turned to face him and he felt a blush spread across his cheeks.

 

“I’ve been doing this for a really long time”he said meekly.

 

“And you did not tell us _mon petit_?”Laf said.

 

“Telling your partners you sometime act like a baby isn’t a normal dinner table topic”he said.

 

“You didn’t even tell me Alex? I’ve known you for twenty years, I married you and you hid this?”John said. It wasn’t quite anger but more of an aggravated disappointment.

 

“Easy tiger”Hercules said giving him a pointed look. He huffed and leaned back crossing his legs.

 

“I’m sorry! I didn’t know how to bring it up and I haven’t done it in like a few years anyways”Alex said.

 

“Yeah but even back then, I could’ve taken care of you-“

 

“John you were too busy taking care of everyone else and you know it. You’ve done so much already, you can’t take care of everyone!”Alex blurted out. His thoughts were askew but he sighed contently, at least he got the general point across.

 

John locked his jaw and clenched his fist nodding.

 

“Anyways next slide!”Laf said quickly pressing the space bar.

 

“What are the benefits of age regression? Some of the key benefits are it can actually work as a coping mechanism for anxiety and depression. It’s peaceful and it’s very calming”They said.

 

“You sound like you’re talking from experience”John snorted. Lafayette’s face hardened and they turned their body facing him.

 

“I am talking from experience, problem?”they said. John quickly shook his head and mumbled an apology.

 

“Alright then. The following slides are just things such as assessing what your little space is like which will take trial and error”They said.

 

John raised his hand. Lafayette nodded and pointed at him.

 

“When can we start?”He asked.

 

“Whenever you want”Lafayette said.

 

John stood up and cracked his knuckles.

 

“Come on, we’re starting now. I wanna go to Target”he said.

 

Everyone looked at each other.

 

“Come on am I speakin a different language? Let’s go!”he exclaimed and ran off to the bedroom rambling about how he needed his shoes.

 

Alex stood up and looked at them.

 

“That went better than expected, I guess we’re going to target”he said. Hercules and Lafayette nodded following John to the bedroom.

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

Letting John loose in Target was simultaneously the best and worst thing they have ever done. Years of bottled up childishness went off like a firecracker as soon as they entered the toy isle.

 

He had ran down the isle as fast as his feet would take him and stopped marveling at the action figures.

 

“Alexander are you not going to join him?”Hercules asked rubbing the man’s back gently. Alex shook his head.

 

“I’m not feeling small right now and besides I kinda just wanna watch him. I’ve never seen John so...happy, it’s nice”he said. Lafayette smiled and wrapped an arm around him.

 

“I couldn’t agree more, I’m willing to bet on the fact that he is no older than five right now”They said and pulled out a dollar bill. The two men smirked and pulled out their wallets.

 

“My guess is four”Alex said.

 

“Mines is seven”Hercules said pulling out a twenty.

 

“Woah okay big bucks mulligan!”Alex said and nudged his partners shoulder. Hercules chuckled and slid his wallet back in his pocket.

 

“Whatever Alex-here he comes”He said a grin gracing his face. John ran back down the isle holding a bright red toy wooden toy car.

 

“I want!”He said bouncing in place and pointing to the shopping cart. They all collectively melted.

 

“You can get whatever you want _mon tout petit_ ”Lafayette said softly almost tearing up under the gaze of John’s innocent eyes.

 

“I can get whatever I want?”he whispered in awe.

 

They nodded.

 

John seemed to ponder for a few seconds before he placed the toy car in the cart and wrapped his arms around Lafayette’s torso.

 

“That’s all I want, I love you”He said burying his face in their chest. The men watched in awe as Lafayette crumbled to their knees wrapping their arms around him tightly kissing his head.

 

“I love you so much my little one, I’m never letting you go”They said letting the tears stream down their face. Once they pulled away John looked up at them and frowned.

 

“Why you cryin Laffy?”John asked quietly and reached up wiping Lafayette’s tears.

 

“Happy tears _mon amour,_ only happy tears”They choked out.

 

Alexander and Hercules smiled wiping their own tears soon starting to chuckle a the obscurity of the situation. Three grown adults bawling there eyes out at a target in the middle of the city at 1:00pm.

 

In the end Alexander cried the hardest. There was a beauty in watching someone who had been so emotionally damaged and closed off finally start to open up.

 

This was the start of something so beautiful and it’s only just begun.


	13. Chapter 13

John had adapted to little life almost immediately. Once they got home he immediately kicked off his shoes and plopped down on the living room carpet.

 

“I have my toy now?”he asked softly and crawled up to Hercules sitting at his feet. Hercules smiled and inwardly groaned at the twenty dollars he had lost. He bent down and picked John on sitting him on his hip.

 

“How about we get you in some more age appropriate clothes first? I don’t think little boys like you wear button downs and jeans”he said. John giggled and shook his head dangling his feet.

 

Alexander helped Lafayette bring the bags in and took a seat on the couch watching the exchange go down. He wanted in on it bad but he didn’t want to take the attention away from John, John needed this attention more than anybody.

 

“You know you can join in Alexander, there’s two of us to take care of you two”Lafayette whispered in his ear. Alex nodded and closed his eyes taking a deep breath, he’s been hiding this for so long it’s like he’s almost forgotten how to let go.

 

“Do you need some help regressing mon petit?”Lafayette asked rubbing his shoulder. Alex nodded shyly and was immediately pulled into Laf’s lap, more or less so cradled against them then anything.

 

“What is your little age my sweet?”They asked rubbing his back.

 

“I...um...I think infant to like two or somethin like that”he mumbled.

 

“So that means you use bottles and pacifiers?”They asked.

 

“Mhm”he said.

 

Lafayette laid Alex back on the couch much to his confusion and kneeled down.

 

“Hop on”They said.

 

Alex climbed on and squealed in surprise as he was lifted with ease.

 

Lafayette chuckled and went into the kitchen pulling out a Mickey Mouse baby bottle from the target bag and held it up for Alex to see.

 

“Do you like?”They asked.

 

“I love!”Alex squealed.

 

“Good, it’ll do for now until we can get you an adult one”They said. Alex tilted his head, they made bottles for adults?

 

Lafayette quickly washed and rinsed the bottle pouring in vanilla almond milk.

 

“Let’s go back to the couch and I’ll play you some cartoons”They said Alex nodded happily and rested his chin atop Lafayette’s curls.

 

Hercules soon came out of the bedroom with John who was dressed in a blue striped shirt and overalls.

 

“Baby!”John squealed and pointed. Hercules followed his finger and smiled placing John on the ground with his toy car.

 

“It seems like our other little one has come out to play?”He said and took a seat on the couch.

 

Lafayette nodded and held the nipple up to Alex’s lips who immediately latched on and sucked hungrily.

 

“Good job”Lafayette praised quietly and stroked his cheek. Alex balled up his fists and rubbed his eyes as he looked up at the now three men staring down at him.

 

“I like the baby!”John exclaimed happily and reached out to poke Alex’s cheek. Alex scrunched up his face and curled up closer into Lafayette’s chest.

 

“The baby doesn’t like me...”John said his bottom lip starting to wobble.

 

“No no no it’s okay, Alex is just a little sleepy”Hercules said.

 

“He sleepy?”John repeated.

 

“Yeah, I’m sure he’ll wanna play more after he takes a nap”He said.

 

“Okay!”John said and crawled back to the carpet rolling the wooden car around.

 

“But we gotta remember to use our indoor voices okay?”he said. John nodded and mumbled under his breath as he crawled out of the living room rolling the car down the hallway.

 

“Good job putting out that fire Herc”Lafayette said.

 

Hercules smiled and shrugged bashfully.

 

“It’s seems as though John and I have a certain understanding now”he said.

 

They heard a soft snore and looked down to see Alex fast asleep bunching his fists up in Lafayette’s shirt.

 

“This is so good for them, look at how peaceful he looks”Laf said quietly.

 

“And look at so happy and carefree John is, I’m so proud of them for trusting us”Hercules said. He leaned over and kissed Lafayette’s temple.

 

“And I’m even more proud of you for knowing exactly what he needed, you’re a good caregiver sweetheart”he said.

 

“What can I say? I learned from the best”They said.

 

It was nice and peaceful until they heard a crash from the guest room.

 

“Uh oh!”John’s voice cried out.

 

“Oh no, uh oh is never good”Hercules said and jogged down the hall.

 

Lafayette ran their hand through Alex’s hair and hummed softly.

 

Just last month the two were constantly breaking down and arguing and now all they could hear from down the was John completely disregarding being reprimanded and saying how much he loved the baby.

 

“Yeah, this is definitely good for you two”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who has been reading so far, I hope you enjoy what you’ve read! I love feedback so feel free to comment!


	14. Chapter 14

__Everything was going fine until John’s eyes widened and he slowly backed away from the toy car.

 

“What the fuck am I doing?!”he cried out and jumped to his feet. Hercules looked over at Lafayette and they shared a mutual understanding.

 

Yes John had adapted very quickly to little life, too quickly. It just wasn’t like him to jump into things so quickly.

 

“Y-y’all got me out here actin like a baby just cause my life was tough?”he said in shock gripping onto his hair, he couldn’t believe it.

 

“John your life wasn’t _tough_ , it was traumatic”Lafayette said calmly. John shook his head throwing his hands up.

 

“Nah fuck your big bad therapist words! My life was tough and that’s just it, I ain’t traumatized!”he screamed.

 

Lafayette pinched the bridge of their nose and sighed. They had really though John was past the phase of denial.

 

“John sometimes you wake up screaming in the middle of the night saying ‘daddy I’m sorry’ and ‘mommy I’ll do better’ what does that sound like to you?”They asked.

 

John’s face turned bright red and he gritted his teeth.

 

“You don’t know jack shit about me!”he screamed. Hercules quickly grabbed Alex and slung him over his shoulder jogging into what they called the safe room. It was a sound proof room that held things like blankets, a bed and various miscellaneous objects.

 

Lafayette stood up towering over the man.

 

“Exactly I don’t know jack shit about you because you won’t ever tell me!”They exclaimed.

 

“I don’t need you using your fancy shrink words on me and diagnosing me with shit I don’t have!”He screamed back.

 

Anxiety,PTSD and depression, three things John along with Alexander did in fact have. Not to mention his severe anger issues and ADHD.

 

“John I’m not going to sit here and argue with you”he said. That only seemed to make things worse.

 

“Why won’t you argue with me? Am I not worth your time!”he screamed.

 

“Don’t you love me!?”He said voice breaking half way through the sentence.

 

“ _Mon amour_...love isn’t about yelling at each other”Lafayette said taking a step forward. John’s breath soon started to pick up and his eyes watered as he roughly buried his face in Lafayette’s chest.

 

“Shhh I know _mon amour_ I know”they said soothingly and rubbed his back.

 

“I-I-I’m s-sorry!”John sobbed struggling to get the words out.

 

“Shhh it’s okay baby you don’t have to speak right now”They said.

 

They stayed like that for a while before John’s sobbing soon ceased and he slumped against them. Lafayette cursed under their breath and transferred him to the couch checking his pulse. It was coming in slower than usual and Lafayette sighed, he had passed out.

 

They pulled out John’s phone and typed in the passcode. They opened up the contacts list and scrolled to the very bottom, evil bitch. They rolled their eyes, of course John would have her saved as that.

 

They pressed the call button and put it up against their ear.

 

_One ring...two rings...thre-_

 

“Hello?”the woman’s voice chirped.

 

“Hello Ms.Schuyler? Yes this is John’s partner eh...Gilbert, I am very worried about him and I would like to make an appointment for him...this Friday works fine, no I will be taking him myself...take care”They said and hung up the phone.

 

They looked over and jumped in shock to see John’s eyes were still wide open. They sighed and gently closed them before leaning back against the couch.

 

“I hope you can forgive me _mon amour_...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When will John ever get a break you may ask? Oh never  
> Thank you to everyone reading this like I said comments are greatly appreciated and I just love interacting with y’all!


	15. Chapter 15

“Care to explain why I just got a call from Helliza ?”John said storming into the bedroom. Hercules and Alex slowly shook their heads while Lafayette sat in rocking chair nursing a now warm cup up tea.

 

“I called her”They said. John groaned and ran a hand down his face, of course Lafayette did.

 

“Laf you know I-“

 

“It was either that or call the emergency room and say you were having a psychiatric break down, which I still think you were but that’s beyond my point”Their gaze was stone cold as they put their tea down and crossed their arms, a chill crept up John’s spine.

 

“Psychiatric breakdown my a-“

 

“you keep talking with that attitude that is right where my heeled boot will end up, _me comprennent?_ ”They said firmly. John sucked his teeth but still nodded.

 

“I don’t need to see a damn therapist, she’s probably just out for my money anyways”he scoffed. Lafayette sat up straight and narrowed their brows and bit their bottom lip. The way John talked about therapists honestly hurt their feelings.

 

“Is that all you think we do?”They said quietly. John’s eyes widened in realization and he covered his mouth, he looked to the other boys for help but they simply turned away. He had dug his grave and now he had to lay in it.

 

“Laf come on you know I didn’t-“

 

“No. I’ve heard enough, you’re seeing your therapist on Friday and that’s final. If you will excuse me I will be setting up the guest bedroom”They said and grabbed their pillow off the bed quickly leaving the room.

 

“You fucked up”Alex finally said.

 

“Yeah, you know it takes a lot to piss Lafayette off”Hercules said.

 

John groaned and rubbed his face, Laf was pissed? That was even worse then them being upset, they were the master of the silent treatment. Everyone else just seems to blow up when they were mad but Lafayette just...shuts down.

 

They don’t talk to anyone about it and goes on their daily business like everything was fine, it was the most terrifying thing ever. They didn’t laugh or smile, they just evil eyed everyone in their path and became...cold.

 

“What am I supposed to do?”He asked.

 

“You can start off by actually going to your therapy appointment and then kiss their ass like your life depends on it. You swept them off their feet once, you can do it again”Alex said.

 

“And John Lafayette is more worried about you than anything, you’re not who you used to be”Hercules said.

 

“I need to speak to them”John said and quickly ran down the hallway to the guest bedroom. He knocked on the door rapidly and only got met with silence.

 

“Lafayette please let me in”he pleaded.

 

“It’s Gilbert to you”They said.

 

John slid down the wall and held his head in his hands.

 

Never in his life had he felt so helpless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRANSLATIONS  
> me comprennent-understand me?


	16. Chapter 16

Lafayette didn’t come out for dinner, Alex was starting to get worried. He slowly walked down the hall with a warm plate of rice and a cup of soda in the other hand. He reached the guest bedroom and looked at his two occupied hands, he really didn’t think this through.

 

He gently tapped the door with his foot.

 

“Lafayette? _Mon amour_ it’s me Alex”he said. The door quickly opened and he was yanked inside, the carbonated drink splashed over the edge of the cup onto his arm quickly leaving a sticky residue.

 

Gross. He thought scrunching his face up.

 

“Your French is improving”They said quietly. Alex’s heart would usually flutter at the praise but it just didn’t feel right this time.

 

“I brought you dinner, John made rice again...”he said and sat on the edge of the bed. Lafayette thanked him quietly and placed it on the bedside table. Alex sighed and took a step towards them.

 

“Lafayette you have to eat...”He said. Laf quickly shook their head.

 

“My stomach hurts, I can not eat”They said.

 

“Do you not want it because you’re genuinely not hungry or because John made it?”He asked. Lafayette shrugged.

 

“Both”They said. Alex almost rolled his eyes, another way to describe Lafayette when they were angry was petty. It was a more unfavorable description but it was true.

 

“You’re being petty”Alex said bluntly.

 

“And he’s being a dick, why should I not be petty?”They asked crossing their arms. Alex honestly didn’t know what else he expected.

 

“John is being a dick, you’re right”He said but he couldn’t explain why, exposing John’s past would end in a divorce for sure. Although it didn’t excuse his behavior it gave some insight into why he is the way he is.

 

“Exactly, I’m done trying to help him”They said.

 

“Lafayette don’t say that”he said.

 

“No I’m done and this time I mean it. I’ve been trying to help him for years and he just keeps refusing it and getting upset with me, I’m fucking tired”Lafayette said harshly. They cursed a lot in their native tongue but Alex had never heard them drop the f-bomb in English before.

 

Alex sat quietly and listened to them rant.

 

“He refuses to believe that he’s traumatized! He believes that flashbacks like that are just normal and they happen to everybody! Newsflash Laurens they don’t!”They continued.

 

“God he’s obviously crying out for help but he won’t fucking take it! He’s like a feral pitbull!”They screamed and flopped down on the bed. Second f-bomb in five minutes, new record.

 

“I completely understand what you’re saying, I wish I could tell you he was different when were younger but I honestly I think he was worse...”Alex said.

 

“Despite not having much of a childhood, they never really showed him love. God I remember this one day...”he said trailing off into one of his more unfavorable stories.

 

_John had just gotten home from work and slammed his backpack on the couch with a heavy sigh. Working in retail was a bitch, but it was giving him decent money._

_“James i’m glad you’re home!”Janice said._

_“John-“_

_“Whatever, so Steven and I are going out tonight and I need you to watch the kids”She said._

_“Ma you can’t be serious...there’s almost twenty of them and I’m tired”he said._

_She took a step closer and grabbed his chin pulling him down to eye level._

_“I bust my ass for you day after day and you got the nerve to say you’re tired? Have a little respect, you know I was going to be gracious enough and cover dinner tonight but you all can starve for all I care!”she exclaimed._

_“You never cover dinner anyways”he mumbled._

_Alexander who had been watching from around the corner covered his eyes and prayed that it wouldn’t happen_

_No no no no n-Smack._

_The sound resonated through the room like a shotgun. He shakily uncovered his eyes and saw a red scratch across John’s cheek, the hand she slapped him with held her wedding ring._

_“If you’re going to be disrespectful at least say it from your chest”she snarled._

_“Yes ma’am”_

_“You know sometimes I genuinely wish I never adopted you, you’re more trouble than you’re worth”she said_

_“Yes ma’am, I’m sorry ma’am”he said._

_“You were just so sad and small looking, I thought I could fix you. They warned me about you, said you were a trouble maker”she chuckled._

_“Yes ma’am, I’m sorry ma’am”he repeated almost robotically._

_“Now before I go what do we say”_

_“I love you ma’am”he mumbled._

_Smack._

_“Say it so I can fucking hear you”she said._

_“M-ma! I-I love you ma...”He said quickly correcting himself._

_“Good, I love you too. Now stop crying, I raised a boy not a bitch”_

 

“ _Mon Dieu_...I’m going to fucking kill her!”They said and jumped to their feet.

 

“No no no no! Don’t even mention it! If John finds out that I even said that he’ll kill me!”Alex said and pushed Lafayette by their shoulders back down on the bed.

 

“And that was her on a good day, trust me. I only got a fraction of what John got, I actually got adopted...he had to stay there.”Alex said.

 

lafayette nodded solemnly.

 

“Hell he grew up there listening to that day in and day out, he practically hasn’t had a personality since he was a child. I’m not trying to excuse how much of a dick he is but...now that you at least know a fraction of the hell he’s endured I hope it makes more sense”Alex said.

 

“Thank you for sharing that Alex, him and I are going to have a heart to heart one of these days. He can’t keep all of that bottled inside forever.”They said.

 

Alex nodded.

 

“One more question my love?”Lafayette asked.

 

“Sure, go for it”He said.

 

“Did she ever hit you?”They asked.

 

“Yeah...only a handful of times”he said.

 

Lafayette scrunched up their face and grunted under their breath, for the win a grand total of four times in the past fifteen minutes.

 

“I’m going to fucking kill her”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRANSLATIONS  
> Mon amour-my love  
> Mon Dieu-Lafayette’s favorite word(my god)


	17. Chapter 17

Alex pressed a kiss to his lovers forehead and grabbed his shaking hands in his own.

 

“You’re going to pop a button off if you don’t slow down”He said gently. John nodded and chuckled breathily.

 

“Y-yeah, you’re right ‘m sorry”he said looking down. He couldn’t bare looking into Alexander’s eyes right now, all he would see is pity.

 

“You don’t need to be sorry, I know today is going to be a tough day for you. If you need to be picked up call me, I’m working in town”Alexander said while doing up the buttons on John’s shirt. John nodded and pressed a kiss to Alexander’s cheek.

 

“Good luck out there today, if I don’t hear laf scolding you for kicking Burr’s ass I’m gonna be disappointed”he said.

 

Alex grinned.

 

“Speaking of Laf you do know it’s their birthday in a few weeks, right?”he said. John nodded his head and sat on the edge of the bed pulling his sneakers on.

 

“Of course I remember, then it’s Hercules’,then mine and then yours”he said.

 

Alex pouted dramatically.

 

“You don’t understand how hard it is on me when you three were all born so damn close together”he said.

 

John rolled his eyes.

 

“Damn I’m sorry lemme go tell my mama she should have pushed me out of her vagina a few months later _princess_ ”he teased.

 

Alex chuckled lowly and took a step closer backing John against the wall. John’s eyes widened as he saw Alex’s rapidly darken with annoyance and lust.

 

“Lafayette is your princess, I’m your king”he whispered. John swallowed harshly and nodded, it was one of those days. Alexander was a switch if he’s ever seen one, most switches had a general preference but he was fifty-fifty through and through.

 

“And you know what good people do when they see the king?”he continued. John slowly shook his head.

 

“They kneel”

 

John furrowed his brows at Alexander’s expectant face.

 

“You want me...right now?”he questioned and took a look at the time, he would be late if they started anything.

 

“I think you’re smart enough to read between the lines”Alex said simply.

 

John slowly lowered himself to his knees and looked at him through hooded eyes. He purred softly as Alexander ran a hand through his curls. He went to scoot closer but the attention was gone and Alex was digging in the closet pulling a jacket on over his top.

 

“Alright now stand back up”Alex said grabbing his phone off the bed. John’s jaw dropped as he climbed back to his feet contorting his face in confusion.

 

“What the fuck was that for?!”He exclaimed.

 

“That my dear boy was to put you in your place, I’m not ya princess. Let’s go!”he said walking out of the bedroom. John quickly walked to the bathroom and splashed cold water on his warm face.

 

He looked in the mirror and sighed at his still red cheeks, Alex had him right where he wanted him.

 

“Hurry up you can touch yourself in the car!”Alex hollered. John groaned and walked out of the bathroom grabbing his phone from the kitchen.

 

“Alex why are you doing this to me?”he said.

 

“I just thought you needed to relax”he said innocently.

 

“You thought by making me almost slip into subspace would relax me?”John questioned raising an eyebrow.

 

“Are you relaxed?”

 

“I’m horny”he deadpanned.

 

Alex smiled cheekily and grabbed his butt causing the amber eyed man to yelp.

 

“Close enough”

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The smut you have all been waiting for

John’s fingers tapped rapidly on his thighs as he sat In the waiting room. He had already blown signing in, he had used his maiden name and a whole bunch of difficulties ensued. Their were multiple babies crying and the receptionist couldn’t find his health care in the system. Turns out he was signed up under his married name.

 

He refocused his attention on the children’s portion of the waiting room. There was a flatscreen tv posted up in the right corner of the room, Sofia the First was playing. He watched intently subconsciously bringing his fingers up to his mouth.

 

“Mr. Hamilton-Laurens!”A nurse said. He jumped slightly and roughly snatched his fingers away from his mouth, god had anyone seen him?

 

He stood up and followed her down a hall and up a flight of stairs.

 

Psychiatric ward

 

One of the signs read in blue bold letters.

He rolled his eyes.

 

God what was he doing here?

 

The nurse knocked on the door and his heart fell to the pits of his stomach, when did they get here? It was now or never

 

“Come in!”a song like voice rang.

 

“You can take it from here”the nurse said and quickly walked down the hallway seeming to disappear completely.

 

He opened the door slowly and cringed at the surroundings around him, the same as it always has been. There was a shelf next to the door full of toys,a doll house and a kitchen set.

 

“Mrs.Schuyler....”he said forcing a smile.

 

She turned away from the computer and smiled.

 

“My my John, you’ve grown since the last time I’ve seen you”she said with a grin. He rolled his eyes and shrugged of his jacket taking a seat.

 

“Cut the formalities Betsy, What trauma are we diving into today?”he asked. She huffed and crossed her arms staring at him over the bridge of her glasses.

 

“I see you’re pretty much still the same, today is just a general check In. I won’t make you get into the heavy stuff until we’re meeting regularly, I need you to gain my trust”she said. He scoffed and leaned back in his seat.

 

“That’s rich coming from you, you’ll never gain my trust”he said. She chuckled and turned back to her computer typing rapidly.

 

“You’ll be surprised with what I can do”she said. He raised a brow and wanted to question her further but decided against it.

 

“What’s with all the kiddie stuff in your office?”he asked.

 

“My original background was adolescence therapy, I’ve further moved on from that but I kept all my things. You’d be surprised at the amount of adults who would plop themselves on the ground and play while we chatted”she said.

 

God that sounded nice, that cooking set was calling his nam-no no _no_ he was not here for that.

 

“And that’s not weird to you?”He asked.

 

She shook her head.

 

“Why would it be? There’s nothing wrong with playing, some people use it to cope”she said matter of factly. Huh, so Lafayette wasn’t just twisting words.

 

He nodded.

 

“How about this session you go ahead and ask me some questions? You can get as personal as you’d like, I’m an open book!”she chirped. Her happiness was making him sick.

 

“Alright Elizabeth...are you married?”He asked.

 

“Mhm, I got married recently.”she said lifting up her hand showing off a heavy rocked ring.

 

“God damn...”he breathed out and looked closer, a rich royal blue sapphire laid uniformly next to diamonds. Not a single stone was out of place.

 

“How much did that cost him?”he asked

 

“Her and around eight thousand dollars give or take”she said casually. His eyes bulged out of his skull.

 

“Her?! Eight thousand dollars?!”he exclaimed.

 

Eliza chuckled and nodded.

 

“Yes John I’m very much a lesbian”she said.

 

“But you-“he started but soon cut himself looking down in shame.

 

“But I don’t look like one?”she finished.

 

he nodded sheepishly.

 

“Um...what’s your wife’s name?”he asked.

 

“Her name is Maria”she said.

 

“Do you guys want children?”he asked. She nodded and pressed a hand to her stomach.

 

“One step ahead, I’m already pregnant”she said casually. He sputtered and did a double take, she was wearing a tight fitted dress and he saw a small bump. She didn’t really look pregnant, just like she was eating good.

 

God this is not the answer he expected, what else do you say about people? He was trying to make her uncomfortable and it wasn’t working!

 

“How’s your sex life?”he asked. She raised an eyebrow.

 

“How’s yours?”she shot back. He flushed as he remembered the events from earlier.

 

“But like genuinely as your therapist I just need the usual run down, are you sexually active?”she asked.

 

_Very._

 

“Yes”he said.

 

“How many partners do you say you would have on average?”she asked.

 

“Three”he said.

 

 

“It says here that you’re married...does your partner know?”she said almost in a whisper. He couldn’t help but snort and lean back in his chair.

 

“Have you heard of polyamory Mrs.Schuyler?”He asked. She nodded slowly.

 

“Yes I have, is that the relationship you are currently in?”she asked.

 

“Good job! Look at you piecing the puzzle together!”he said almost sardonically.

 

“Is your relationship healthy?”she asked

 

He narrowed his eyes at her.

 

“What do you mean by that? Is it because there’s four of us?”he asked maliciously, he was like a cat ready to strike.

 

“No, I’m simply looking at the spreadsheet of questions I’m required to ask you. The entire world isn’t against you John”she said.

 

_The entire world isn’t against you John_

_The entire world isn’t against you John_

_The entire world isn’t a-_

 

“How would you know?”he scoffed and shook his head as if to get the words out of his head.

 

“Unless you have a giant target on your back it’s impossible for the entire world to be against you or unless you’re trump-dammit! I’m letting politics slip into my work again”she said gently scolding herself.

 

He leaned back against the seat.

 

“You know you’re starting to grow on me”he said.

 

“I’ve been told I have that affect on people”

 

John’s appointment lasted another hour as they slowly delved into slightly less savory topics.

 

“I’ll see you next week Eliza”he said.

 

“I’ll be here”she said. He got up and made his way to the door before he gasped.

 

“Wait John!”she said.

 

“Hm?”

 

She stood up and placed a hand on his shoulder.

 

“I saw you eyeing the toys pretty frequently, I am letting you know from a personally bias perspective that I will not be weirded out if you play with them. This is not the therapist in me talking either, it’s just me”she said.

 

“I...I might take you up on that offer, I need to think about it”he said nervously.

 

“You can take your time, they won’t be going anywhere”she said.

 

He nodded and left the room jogging down the stairs. He looked around quickly an power walked to the back exit sliding through effortlessly. Leaving the back way lead him right down the side street to Dunkin Donuts, he was feeling pretty good so he wanted to pick Alexander up a treat.

 

He walked inside and relished in the scent of fresh coffee. He ordered a twelve count of munchkins and two vanilla bean coladas. He almost caved and ordered a coffee for Alexander but realized he saw him drinking one this morning. If Alexander wasn’t going to watch his coffee intake John would watch it for him.

 

He thanked the cashier and walked down the side street until he finally broke out into the main strip.

 

_Washington Street_

 

God the man was a New York law legend, he had his own street where he had his own business which was one of the tallest sky scrapers in the fucker. Legend has it you could see that shit all the way from Boston.

 

He crossed the road quickly and squeaked as he almost dropped the bag of munchkins in his hand.

 

“Good morning Charles!”He chirped.

 

“Good morning to you too John! God I haven’t seen you in soooo long we should totally hang out!”Charles exclaimed.

 

“Mhm Just open the fuckin door Charles”he said smile dropping into an ultimate poker face. Charles smile faltered and he nodded opening the door, John murmured a thank you and walked inside.

 

“God what I would give t-Mr.Washington sir!”He squealed curtseying placing one foot behind the other and bowing his head.

 

“Good to see you John! Have you come for Hamilton?”he asked. John timidly looked up and nodded holding up the Dunkin Donuts almost to prove that he wasn’t a threat.

 

“Well he’s currently in a meeting but you’re free to go up to his office, you know the way don’t you?”he asked.

 

“Yes sir!”John squeaked.

 

“Alright then, I should be on my way. Take care John”he said and walked out of the double doors, John let out a sigh of relief and glared at the interns who were giggling at his behavior.

 

“Oh no I-I-I’m sorry Mr daddy Washington!”Jefferson exclaimed dramatically curtseying mimicking the younger man.

 

“Go to hell Jefferson”he said. Thomas stepped out his from behind his desk almost doubling over in laughter. He handed him a slip of paper and pulled a napkin out of his blazer pocket wiping his eyes.

 

“Be a lamb johnny and give that to Hamilton for me”he said.

 

“ _Be a lamb tommy_ and don’t order me around like I’m your bitch”John said shoving the paper back into his hand.

 

He ignored the cry of protest and walked towards the elevator pressing the button. Once he was inside he clicked the eleventh one and sighed leaning his head against the cool metal. God Jefferson just knew how to make his blood boil, he hated being in his presence. For one it made him sick, he was also scared they were gonna end up hate fucking.

 

He couldn’t deny the man had sex appeal, southern charm had always been a weakness of his but not from someone who was always talking shit. He was glad his hatred outweighed his desires.

 

Once the elevator reached his floor he practically jumped out and power walked down the hall to Alexander’s office. He was proud to say the least, his man didn’t get a cubicle-no he got a whole damn office. Alexander Hamilton was scribed in golden letters, he’s been working there for damn near fifteen years. It’s exactly what he deserved.

 

He let himself in and frowned seeing that it was a mess.

 

“He really does treat this office like it’s his damn house”he grumbled and started picking up loose pieces of paper off the ground. He started fuming when he saw a coffee maker in the corner of the room, really? Alex needed a whole coffee maker.

 

He grabbed the coffee pot and opened the window dumping it outside.

 

“I hope no one was walking around here”he mumbled amusedly. He placed it back In the holder and wiped up the residue of cream and sugar left on the table.

 

“ _cochino_ ”he mumbled cleaning up the many disposable coffee cups that failed to make their way into the waste bin. He moved on to desk and let out a sigh, this was going to be hell.

 

He took a seat in the leather chair and started reading over the pages organizing them by date, then by importance. It seemed like something Alexander would do if he wasn’t such a pig.

 

He saw the man’s computer was half opened and scrolled through, he didn’t even feel guilty about it. This was Alex’s work computer, the worst thing that could be on it was porn.

 

He decided to go through his reminders and saw that many of them had been left for today only minutes apart.

 

MEETING FROM TWO TO FOUR

 

It said in all caps, John checked the clock.

It was only 2:47pm, he could do so much for Alex while he was in the meeting!

 

He made a note of all the things that needed to be copied and sifted through the papers grabbing them. He quickly walked down the hall to the copy room and copied them waiting patiently until they were done. God is this what it felt like to have a purpose?

 

He walked back to Alexander’s office and sorted the copies placing the originals back where they needed to go. He did a bit more tidying and actually answered a few phone calls before he heard the sound of footsteps approaching.

 

He squealed and dove under the desk pulling his knees up to his chest.

 

“Alright burr, we will converse later!”Alex exclaimed and damn near slammed the door shut.

 

“What the...”

 

“Surprise!”John yelled crawling from under the desk and jumping to his feet.

Alexander looked around and smiled, his floor was actually spotless for once.

 

“What are you doing here baby?”he asked.

 

“I had a good meeting with Eliza and I was in the area so I wanted to come visit you!”he said.

“I brought you Dunkin’ Donuts and I got your favorite munchkins!”he said bouncing in place, god he was practically itching for praise.

 

Alexander walked over to his desk and stood quietly for a few minutes his eyes scanning over everything.

 

“It seems like you were busy being a good little secretary for me weren’t you?”he asked.

 

John nodded his head rapidly.

 

“You were hm? I think my sweet little secretary deserves a treat, don’t you?”Alex asked. John’s breath hitched and he nodded again whimpering as he felt himself start to tent in his jeans.

 

“Lock the door John”he said eyes darkening. John sprinted towards the door and turned every lock he could get his hands before Alex chuckled.

 

“I think that’s enough”He said taking a seat in the leather chair. John nodded again and walked over straddling his lap.

 

“You’re bold today, but you’ve been so good I’ll allow it”Alex said. John sighed of relief and bucked his hips letting out another whimper.

 

“Go ahead baby, this is your reward. Take what you want”he said lowly. John complied immediately and ground his hips against Alexander’s. Alexander let out a sharp breath and leaned back in his chair watching the boy writhe and squirm above him.

 

“You’re so pleasure sensitive baby, god the littles things just seem to get you going”he mumbled leaning forward to suck a hickey on the boys neck.

 

John leaned a little farther back causing Alexander to lose contact. He furrowed his eyebrows but let out a surprised groan as soft lips were being connected against his own. John always managed to taste so sweet, this time it was Vanilla bean but it’s like his lips always had a lingering taste of cherry coke.

 

John pressed harder against him and moans loudly against his lips causing the chair to squeak. The desk pressing against his back hurt so fucking good and he hadn’t cum in days a-in the heat of the moment Alexander wrapped a hand around John’s neck and squeezed gently. John screamed against his lips and bucked wildy his hips soon stuttering to a halt. Alex could feel the warmth spreading through John’s jeans onto his own slacks.

 

He stared in awe for a few moments as John tried to catch his breath, his lips were hot pink and his cheeks were flaming red.

 

“I...I didn’t know choking got you going like that”he said almost in embarrassment. He had never seen John get off so quickly and so intensely before.

 

“I kept it a secret because I knew it got me going like that, Hercules choked me once and I came so hard I passed out”he panted slumping against Alex.

 

“Then you definitely need some sugar right now”he said and held John in place with one arm as he reached forward and grabbed the colada.

 

“Drink”he said holding the straw up to John’s lips. John whined and pushed it away resting his head on Alex’s shoulder

 

“ ‘m tired”he mumbled.

 

“Uh uh uh, three good sips and then you can take a nap”he said.

 

“Two”

 

“Three”

 

“Two”

 

“Two and a half”

 

“How the fuck do I take half a sip?”John mumbled.

 

“That’s for you to figure out, now drink”Alex said firmly. John sat up and chewed on the straw a bit his eyes starting to flutter shut.

 

Alexander patted his butt harshly causing him to moan out softly, he rolled his eyes.

 

“No chewing, sip now.”he said. John whined and took a few sips before pushing it away again. He laid his head back on Alexander’s shoulder and leg his eyes flutter shut falling asleep.

 

Alexander rubbed his back gently and pulled out his phone. He flickered through his call log and pressed it to his ear.

 

“Aaron burr”

 

“Alexander Hamilton”he greeted.

 

“I’m going to have to push our 5:00pm meeting to about 6:30pm”he said.

 

“Why is that?”Aaron asked.

 

He looked at John who was sucking on his middle and pointer finger snoring softly.

 

“Something personal came up”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations  
> cochino-basically dirty or pig


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry about all the language switching and the constant back and forth between translations that is most definitely guaranteed but I couldn’t help myself. I love my linguistic based chapters because of how language pertains to identity and all that nerdy shit. If you don’t wanna do the back and forth you can just skip this chapter, it’s bascially more little John being a sweet angel

The gentle coaxing of Eliza’s words and the exhaustion and relief of earlier’s activities seemed to do it for John because he slipped and he slipped _hard_. Alexander had never seen him so small, he couldn’t be any older than two.

 

Alex checked the clock.

 

5:15pm. Lafayette should still be on their break. He gently bounced John on his lap and smiled as he opened Skype on his computer. He hoped Lafayette was near his computer.

 

The dial up sound started and they played the waiting game. John whined impatiently and Alex hushed him gently.

 

Once Lafayette’s face popped up on the screen John squealed in excitement.

 

“How are my two favorite boys doing?”They asked. Alex gave a thumbs up and John smiled happily grabbing at the computer. Lafayette’s eyes widened as they realized the situation.

 

“ _L'avez-vous sous contrôle?_ ”They asked raising a brow. Alexander nodded confidently and combed a hand through John’s hair.

 

“ _Oui_ ”He said. John soon started feeling left out and pouted.

 

“ _Mon doudou_...”he said quietly and reached for the computer almost wishing he could pull Lafayette out and hug them. Laf’s expression was priceless, they let out an audible gasp and stood up dancing around their office.

 

“ _Vous parlez le français douceur?_ ”They cooed once they finally finished the happy dance.

 

John’s eyes widened at the sudden onslaught of foreign language and he buried his face into Alexander’s neck.

 

“I taught him a few things when he woke up from his nap earlier but he...he picked that up on his own”He said still in shock. John had never been one to pick up language but the amount of French he’s soaked up in thirty minutes was astounding.

 

“Please show me please please please!”Lafayette said bouncing in their seat.

 

Alex nodded and whispered in John’s ear gently trying to coax him out of his shyness.

 

“You wanna show _doudou_ what we learned, huh?”he said gently. John nodded slowly and chewed on his fingers.

 

“Who’s that?”Alex said pointing to the screen. John smiled wide showing all of his teeth.

 

“That my _doudou_ ”he said matter of factly.

 

“ _très bien!_ ”Lafayette praised and clapped their hands.

 

“Who am I?”Alex said pointing to himself.

 

“Papa!”John said.

 

Alex grabbed the picture and of all four of them together on from his desk and pointed to Hercules.

 

“Who’s that?”he said. John thought long and hard about it, they didn’t go over this earlier. Alex didn’t mean to put him on the spot but he wanted to see where he lay with Hercules.

 

“Dada”he said finally. The two practically swooned, of course Hercules was dada.

 

“What color is _doudou_ wearing?”He asked pointing to the screen. Lafayette had on a mustard yellow waist coat with little honey bees embroidered on it.

 

“ _abeille_ ”he said. Lafayette cooed again and pointed to the bees on their coat.

 

“ _très bien_ , there are how many bees on my coat?”They said and tapped their chin seeming to ponder.

 

“Hm, _Un..._ ”They said and groaned in fake frustration.

“I don’t think I am getting it, can you help me honey?”They asked. John nodded and pointed his finger out moving it along the screen as he counted.

 

“ _Un... deux... trois!_ ”He said and clapped his hands.

 

“Very very good my little scholar”They praised.

 

“Do you like counting with _doudou_?”Alex said bouncing his knee. John nodded and curled up closer to him.

 

“Can you say thank you?”He asked.

 

“ _merci_ ”he mumbled and looked up at Alexander.

“ _Leche papa?_ ”He asked. It took Alex’s mind a few seconds to switch from French back into his native tongue but he grinned from ear to ear

 

“I think our little trilingual scholar is sleepy, I should go find him some milk”he said.

 

Lafayette groaned in protest, the fun had just began.

 

“You can be on bedtime duty and teach him all the French you want, it’s kinda cute how he switches languages and doesn’t realize it...”he said and kissed John’s forehead.

 

“ _Leche por favor?_ ”He asked again.

 

“Annnd now we’re back to full on Spanish, I’ll see you when we get home Laf. Bye.”he said and ended the call.

 

Alex stood up and placed John on his hip.

 

“Let’s go find you some _Leche_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> L'avez-vous sous contrôle-you have him under control?  
> Oui-yes  
> Mon doudou-my safety  
> très bien-very good  
> abeille-bee  
> Merci-thank you  
> Vous parlez le français douceur?-you speak French sweetness?  
> Por favor-please  
> Leche-milk


	20. Chapter 20

Hercules sighed and rubbed a hand down his face.

 

“Ma’am please I know the calculations are a little off from the last fitting but I’ve redone them over five times”he said. The bride in question scoffed and waved him off.

 

“I don’t care how many times you’ve done it, do it again”she said. He clenched his jaw and grabbed the measuring tape wrapping it around her waist. He cinched it in as much as he could and sighed, 34 inches.

 

“Ma’am it still reads 34 inches”he said.

 

“It’s wrong! My waist was just 30 inches the other day!”she cried out and flounced down in a tantrum. He wanted to scold her but bit his tongue, she wasn’t a little just entitled.

 

“I don’t know what else you want me to say...”he said. He would have gladly made the adjustments but the wedding was just mere weeks away, this would take much longer as he would basically have to complete a new bodice.

 

“I want you to fix it!”she screamed.

 

“Ma’am you are not my only customer”he said calmly.

“I would suggest you simply went to a bridal shop and tested your luck”he said.

 

“Me? At a bridal shop?”she said incredulously. He nodded his head slowly and she scoffed once again.

 

“I don’t do bridal shops, I only do one of a kind creations. I’m just different like that”she said. _Yeah she was different alright_ he thought.

 

“We can rehash this again at a later time but I’ve got a train to catch back to New York”he said. She groaned and stood up slipping off the dress.

 

“Is there any other way I could get you to stay Mr.Mulligan?”she asked looking him up and down.

 

“I’m in a very committed relationship ma’am so I will gladly turn down your offer”he said quickly standing up and packing up his tailoring kit.

 

“Oh but she doesn’t have to know...”she said reaching out to touch him, he grabbed her wrist firmly and pressed it back against her chest keeping her at a distance.

 

“I don’t think my three partners would appreciate that, also you’re backing the wrong horse anyways. I’m not attracted to the female anatomy”he said.

 

Her cheeks went ablaze and she scurried off into the dressing room. He rolled his eyes, someone was always trying it with him.

 

He left the workshop and hurried down the street, he needed to catch this train or he wouldn’t get home today.

 

“Ten minutes”he mumbled and shoved his phone back in his pocket. He was a little stockier now but he hoped his high school track skills wouldn’t fail him. He broke out of his power walk into a full on sprint weaving and dodging cars.

 

“Fucking hell”he grumbled, he hadn’t run that hard and that fast in so long. He tasted blood, he grimaced and took a breather before continuing.

 

Thanking his lucky stars he slipped into the station and checked the time board. Exactly a minute until the train was coming, he kneeled on the ground resting his bag next to him and took a deep breath. God he was so tired.

 

Back at home it was a different type of chaos.

 

“Dadaaaa!”John wailed throwing himself on the carpet. Alex and Lafayette pinched the bridge of their noses. John had just realized Hercules had not been home and was not too happy about it.

 

“Baby...”Alex started but John sent him the dirtiest look and he shut his mouth. Now was not the time to intervene he guessed.

 

“Why don’t we Skype dada, would you like that?”Lafayette tried. John nodded and crawled back over to them wiping his eyes.

 

“Good job putting out that fire Laf”Alex whispered and sat on the couch. He bent over and helped John into his lap before leaning back.

 

“It’s what I do”Laf said with a grin and placed the laptop on the coffee table in front of them.

 

_Incoming call from Laffy taffy_

 

Hercules smiled and answered almost immediately, he had missed his love throughout the day.

 

“He-oh it’s a party!”he exclaimed before lowering his voice as dirty looks were casted his way.

 

“We were calling because John really needed to see you”They said. John smiled at the camera and waved excitedly.

 

“Hi dada!”he said. Hercules couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face and the melting in his heart, this boy would be the death of him.

 

“Hi baby, whatcha doin?”he asked.

 

“I with doudou and papa!”he exclaimed. Hercules raised an eyebrow.

 

“Doudou and papa eh? When did this happen?”he asked fixating his glance at the two adults in question.

 

“John spent a good portion of his day at my office today, he’s been little for almost-“Alexander said and looked forward checking the time on his laptop.

 

“Almost six hours which is actually a record for him, gosh you shoulda seen him earlier”Alex gushed and wrapped his arms around John.

 

“Where did doudou come from though?”he asked. They both looked at each other and shrugged.

 

“We really don’t know where he got it from, he just pointed to Lafayette earlier and blurted it out”Alex said.

 

Lafayette’s heart swelled with pride at the memory, they loved being John’s doudou.

 

“What does it even mean?”he asked furrowing his brows.

 

“It’s more creole French than anything but it means like a security blanket “Lafayette explained.

 

“when I was a baby I had a doudou which was a bee lovie”They said using an example. Hercules nodded in understanding.

 

“Why am I dada?”he asked.

 

“Um we also don’t know, John just chose you to be dada”Alex said. Hercules nodded again and leaned back against the seat.

 

“The astounding stuff always happens when I’m away”he said putting on a dramatic pout. John whined and scrunched his face up reaching for the camera.

 

“Dada no cry!”he said in a panic feeling tears well up in his eyes. Hercules’ eyes widened and he fixed his face slapping on his biggest smile.

 

“Shhh shhh it’s okay baby, I’m okay. I’m not going to cry, dada was just being silly”he said. John nodded and leaned back against Alex sticking his fingers in his mouth. It felt alien referring to himself as dada but it was something he could get used to.

 

Hercules checked the time and looked at the two carers disapprovingly.

 

“No wonder he’s so on edge, it’s almost 11:00pm. You guys should really put him down for bed soon”He said.

 

“I don’t think he’s tired, he’s had two naps today”Alex said.

 

“Would you let a two year old stay up until 11:00pm?”

 

“Yes”Alex said immediately. Hercules rolled his eyes.

 

“Wrong person to ask, Lafayette would you?”he asked. Lafayette shrugged.

 

“I mean it depends on the situation, but he is really missing you. I don’t think he will sleep without you here”They said.

 

Lafayette was the voice of idealism but Hercules was the voice of reason, in his defense someone had to be.

 

“I’m not going to be home every night to tuck him in, you know how crazy my schedule gets during the last few weeks of summer...”he said.

 

Lafayette let out the breath they were holding and they sighed shakily.

 

“I-I know but just...he is so small right now...”They mumbled. Alex rubbed their back and pulled them closer pressing a hand against their temple. Lafayette responded by burying their face into the crook of his neck.

 

Hercules sighed, having a big heart was Lafayette’s greatest strength and their biggest weakness.

 

“I know you don’t want to see him upset...he can stay up until I get here but he’s going straight to bed as soon as I walk through that door”he said. Lafayette’s head shot up with such a fierceness their headscarf came undone causing their hair to floof around their face.

 

“Really?”They asked not even bothering to push the hair out of their eyes. Hercules nodded, John was Lafayette’s greatest weakness and Lafayette was his. Everyone just seemed to have a soft spot for Alexander.

 

Alexander bit his lip and watched, Hercules was so admirable,so giving,so good. He couldn’t believe that along with Lafayette he got this great man. They were like the two for one deal of the century. Alexander had been hesitant for the addition of Hercules just cause he’s never heard of a four person relationship but it’s one of the best decisions he’s ever made.

 

“Alex why are you looking at me like that?”Hercules asked with a knowing smirk.

 

“Because I’m so in love with you”he answered honestly. It put Hercules mind at ease to know the spark they once had never burned out. Sometimes he would question where he fell with Alexander but every time he said he loved him he felt like he was falling all over again.

 

“Why are you lookin at me like that Herc?”Alex asked.

 

“Because I’m madly in love with you”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Sorry that I didn't triple update today but it was thanksgiving day so I was trying to rest. Like Alexander I’ve been writing non-stop since last week and I kinda need a break so I might take tomorrow off


	21. Chapter 21

The next day went smoothly, It was Lafayette and Hercules day off. Alexander walked into the living room and pushed his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. He was dressed rather smart for the usual business casual of his workplace.

 

Lafayette raised an eyebrow as they bounced John on their lap.

 

“You look handsome”They said. He was wearing a long sleeved black turtle neck tucked into a pair of grey plaid trousers tapered at the ankle. On top he wore a long black blazer paired with his nice oxfords.

 

“What is the occasion mon amour?”They asked. Alexander leaned down and pressed a hasty kiss to their cheek.

 

“I’ve got a lunch meeting with Washington today, rumor has it he’s been generous with promotions lately”He said wiggling his eyebrows with a dopey grin on his face.

 

“Well I wish you the best, you should get going”They said. Alex shook his head and sat on the couch grabbing John and pulling him onto his lap.

 

“I’ve got some time, I need a snuggle from my little man first”He said. John smiled and reached up batting around Alex’s ponytail.

 

“G’mornin papa”he mumbled.

 

“G’mornin to you too”he teased and ruffled up the littles hair. John squealed and pressed his face closer against Alex’s chest.

 

“Has he eaten anything yet?”Alex asked.

 

“Not anything solid but I did convince him to take a bottle of almond milk”They said.

 

Alex nodded and checked the time placing a kiss on John’s temple.

 

“I’ve gotta go, I should be back before dark”He said sliding out from underneath John. John furrowed his brows and reached for Alexander.

 

“John go too!”he insisted and slid off the couch grabbing Alex’s hand. Alex sighed and shook his head gently.

 

“I’m sorry baby but you gotta stay here today, you get Doudou and Dada but papa’s gotta go to work”he said slowly giving John a second to process every single word.

 

“Papa don’t love me?”John croaked. Alex’s eyes widened in bewilderment as to where he got a notion like that before he remembered. Abandonment issues. Alexander stroked his cheek and shook his head rapidly.

 

“No no no my dear boy, papa loves you so much”he said gently.

 

John sniffled and rubbed at his eyes whimpering sadly, he looked like a kicked puppy but he was listening.

 

“Papa wouldn’t lie to you about where he’s going, I’ll be back super soon I promise”he finished and held out his pinky for John.

 

“O-okay...”John said warily and linked their pinky’s. John wrapped his arms around Alexander and hugged him tightly savoring every single moment.

 

Alex held him for a few moments before pulling away and placing a kiss on his forehead.

 

“You be good for dada and doudou and I’ll bring you back a treat, how does that sound?”he said. John perked up and it’s like the reason for his tears were forgotten.

 

“I be good!”he shouted and jumped back on the couch. Alex chuckled fondly and shook his head, pretty soon they would have to teach John the concept of an inside voice but not yet.

 

Lafayette stood up and cupped Alexander’s cheeks placing a lingering kiss on their partner’s lips.

 

“Thank you for putting out that fire Alexander”They whispered. Alex grinned and stroked their arm.

 

“That’s what I’m here for babe, tell Hercy I said good morning when he wakes up. I’ll see you later”he said and with that he was out the door.

 

Lafayette grinned and bit their lip flopping back down on the couch.

 

“So _mon petit bébé_ , what do you want to do today!”Lafayette exclaimed trying to keep the energy high, anything to keep their darling boy happy.

 

John shrugged and laid against the fluffy pillows.

 

“We could watch a movie? Or color? Or bake?”They suggested. John passively waved a hand and sucked on his fingers. Lafayette rolled their eyes, what a diva.

 

“Maybe you would like someone else your age to play with, hm?”They asked. John perked up in his spot and crawled closer to Lafayette intrigued.

 

“I know a girl about your age who loves play dates”They said. John nodded and listened closer.

 

“Her name is Peggy, I think you may have met once or twice when you were a big boy”They said and pulled out their phone showing him a picture.

 

“Peg!”John cried out in realization.

 

Lafayette chuckled.

 

“Yeah peg, would you like me to set something up for later _mon petit?_ ”They asked. John nodded his head rapidly and pounced on Lafayette’s lap.

 

“Yes yes pease pease _je veux_ doudou _je veux!_ ”He pleaded clasping his hands together and giving puppy dog eyes jutting out his bottom lip. Lafayette wasn’t sure what made them more soft, his baby talk in French or his pouty little face.

 

“Of course my darling, there is no need to beg”They said.

 

“What’s with all the shouting at 9:00am?”Hercules croaked staggering down the hallway.

 

“I play date!”John cheered and stood up running up to Hercules and lifting his arms up bouncing on his heels.

 

“You...what?”he said in confusion scooping the boy up in his arms.

 

“I may or may not be setting up a play date for him today”Lafayette said looking up from their phone reading Hercules face carefully.

 

“So we’ll be in charge of two littles?”Hercules said raising an eyebrow. Lafayette didn’t answer looking down at their phone for a few moments.

 

“Um...three?”They squeaked out. Hercules sighed and shook him head slinging John over his shoulder as he walked into the kitchen.

 

“The more the merrier”he said finally.

 

“Thank you mon amour and be careful with him! He is not a sack of flour”Lafayette scolded.

 

“If we’re going to be having two other littles here this afternoon I’ll toss him around however I want”he grumbled.

 

John giggled and clapped his hands.

 

“Again!”he squealed.

 

Lafayette put their worries aside and smiled as he watched Hercules put John down and toss him over his shoulder again.

 

“And trust me sacks of flour are heavier, before I was a tailors apprentice I was a bakers”he said with a wink.

 

John soon whined and started to squirm which was a clear indication that he wanted to be put down. Hercules put him down and watched as John crawled to the linen closet pulling out a blanket. He crawled back to the living room and rolled onto the carpet covering himself with the blanket.

 

“G‘night!”He said and closed his eyes. Lafayette and Hercules looked at each other in bemusement.

 

“Goodnight?”Hercules said checking the clock. 9:07am

 

“What time did he get up this morning?”he asked.

 

“As soon as he realized Alexander wasn’t in bed so I would say about 5:00am”Lafayette said. Hercules nodded in understanding and watched as John curled up sucking on his fingers.

 

“Do you think we should move him to the bed? At least give him a pillow?”Lafayette said in mild concern.

 

Hercules chuckled and stole another glance at John who was fast asleep.

 

“Nah, I think he’s good”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations  
> mon petit bébé-my little baby  
> je veux-I want


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me? Constantly putting my characters through hell? It’s more likely than you think

Alexander watched in mild amusement as Jefferson fidgeted in his spot during the first of many meetings. It was hilarious to say the least...until it wasn’t. He watched as Jefferson clutched the locket that he was holding and stared at the window. He visibly paled and hunched over in his seat threading a hand through his hair.

 

Alexander furrowed his brows and scanned the room, where was Madison? He watched closely as a single tear drop hit the table and jumped out of his seat.

 

“Mr.Washington sir! I need to have a word with Jefferson, in private.”he said putting as much malice in his voice as he could muster. Jefferson’s head popped up and he gaped at Alexander like a fish out of water.

 

“What seems to be the matter son? Jefferson hasn’t even spoken a word to you during this meeting”George said. _Oh god think fast think fast th-_

 

“He called my husband a whore, I need to hash this out with him now sir before things get physical”he said. Jefferson went to defend himself before Alexander narrowed his eyes at him and curtly shook his head.

 

“I...okay, I’ll call a thirty minute recess but I expect you two to act like adults when you step foot back in here”He said. 

 

“Sir yes sir”Alexander said quickly and went around the table grabbing Jefferson and escorting him out of the room.

 

“I-I didn’t ev-“

 

“Shhh we’re going to my office and you’re gonna tell me what the hell is wrong with you”he said and dragged Jefferson to the elevator. Once they were inside it’s like a twig snapped, Thomas fell to his knees and all hell broke loose. He curled up into a ball and buried his face into his knees.

 

“Thomas...”Alex said softly and quickly stopped the elevator. Thomas let out a choked sob and gripped his locket harder holding it to his chest.

 

“I-I saw her Alexander! I saw her standin right there!”He cried out. His hand fell from his locket and he moved them up to his hair pulling tightly rocking himself back and forth.

 

Was the Thomas Jefferson having a panic attack?

 

“Hey hey no”Alex scolded gently and placed his hands over Thomas’ trying to loosen the grip.

 

“Hurting yourself is not the solution Thomas, I need you to tell me who you saw”he said calmly. On the inside he was freaking out, there was nothing more unsettling than your enemy breaking down in front of you.

 

“Martha...she was standin right by the window...god Alexander she looked so angry!”He wailed, his accent was stronger than ever and it was almost impossible to understand him.

 

But most importantly who was Martha?

He raked his brain before his eyes widened in realization.

 

_Thomas Jefferson walked into the building that morning wearing an all black suit, he looked tired. It was terrifying seeing him use his manners saying please and thank you as he moped down the hall to his cubicle._

_“O-oh pardon me Alexander”he mumbled as he stumbled into the busy man. Alex’s face wrinkled up in confusion and disgust, who the fuck was he talking to like that? Where was the usual banter?_

_“Jefferson what the-“_

_“Shut the fuck up!”Aaron burr said in whisper dragging him down the hall._

_“Why should I? He’s being weird!”Alexander responded in the same tone._

_Aaron rolled his eyes and crossed his arms._

_“Have a little respect, it’s anniversary of his late wife’s death”he said. Alexander froze in his spot, he swore he could feel his heart dropped. He never knew Jefferson was married, let alone widowed._

_“W-what...how?”Alex sputtered out._

_“Some sort of stroke, but you didn’t hear it from me” and with that Aaron vanished down the hall._

 

“Thomas I’m gonna need to believe me on this”he trembled. Thomas continued to weep and Alexander couldn’t help but pull the man into his arms.

 

“Seeing people is scary-god I know the feeling but Martha wasn’t there Thomas. It was just your imagination playing tricks on you”he said and rubbed the man’s back as he wept into his chest.

 

“No Alexander you don’t understand! I saw her last night too!”he cried out. His breath started picking up as his vision blurred even further with tears.

 

“When did you see her last night?”he asked lowly.

 

“I was in bed w-with James a-an I saw her at the door-hell I saw our little Lucy too! I tried to reach out to her and explain but she just gave me the most chilling glare and she disappeared”he choked out.

 

“Thomas...I know how real that feels. Sometimes your past comes back to haunt you when you’re starting to move on, it’s a psychological trick that makes it so you never move on. I wish I could say it was a one time thing but you’re going to see her for a while, you just need to remind yourself that she’s no longer here”Alex said. Thomas nodded and finally pulled away from Alexander wiping

his face.

 

“God I need a coffee”he said.

 

“No you don’t, coffee only heightens anxiety. What you need to do is go home and try and get some rest”Alexander said.

 

“I can’t be alone right now, I’ll just see her more. Alexander I’m not ready to see her again!”He said working himself up into another panic.

 

“Then you don’t have to be alone, I’ll pull some strings and call Lafayette...both of my boys are home right now to keep you company”Alex said

 

“No no I don’t need you treating me like a charity case”He said and stood up on wobbly legs.

 

“Everything is a fight with you, can’t I be nice for once?”he said.

 

“You’re nice because you pity me”Thomas spat.

 

“No I’m being nice because I understand you!”Alex exclaimed in annoyance.

 

“Sometimes I still see my mother and it scares the shit out of me, she’s been dead for over twenty-two years and I still see her. Hell I can vividly remember what she looked like though, how it felt when she held me...”he said blinking rapidly.

 

“But this isn’t about me right now, I just wanted to explain why I felt your pain...”he finished awkwardly. Jefferson wrapped his arms around the smaller man and squeezed tightly.

 

“I’m sorry about your loss Alexander”he said.

 

“Likewise Thomas, now let me call Lafayette so I can get you situated”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me? Being soft for Thomas Jefferson? It’s more likely than it seems  
> also please leave comments I just love the feedback and it spurs me on to write even more for y’all

“ _Mon ami_ you are not looking too good...”Lafayette said lowly. They cautiously walked into Alexander’s office trying to get a feel of the room. Thomas was curled up in a rocking chair that had been moved out of storage and placed in the corner of the room. It had been Aaron burr’s for when he had to bring Theodosia to work but she had grown out of the nursing chair and Alexander practically begged for it.

 

Thomas refused to make eye contact and simply set his gaze on the floor, after the initial despair of breaking down set in the utter humiliation of it. It was good to have humility sometimes, step off your high horse and realize you’re just like everyone else. For Thomas it was more as though his horse had bucked him off and trampled him into the dirt.

 

“He’s not doing too good”Alexander confirmed in a hushed tone, why even bother? The acoustics of the room reverberated back at them almost at rapid speed. It was too small of a space to whisper and not be heard.

 

“I think I could see that Alex”Lafayette responded.

 

Alex shut his mouth and sunk down in his big leather chair. Call it littles intuition but he knew something else was up, the look Thomas had in his eyes. It was the same look John would when he was trying to fight it, completely and utterly _helpless_.

 

He let his mind wander to the possibilities, maybe that’s why Thomas hated it. He was always such an in control guy, so mature and collected. He didn’t giggle, he chuckled. He didn’t smile,he smirked. Cold and calculated at all times, a sharp tongue and always a step ahead of the game. Alexander couldn’t imagine the hell he’d been through to end up like this, he was probably groomed to be this way.

 

“Thomas would you like to get going now?”They asked. Their tone was angel soft and gentle, the way they spoke was how cotton candy tasted.

 

Thomas nodded but made no efforts to move from his spot. Lafayette bit their lip carefully and assessed all their options. Right now Thomas was about as emotionally stable as a feral cat so picking him up was not an option.

 

Lafayette sat next to the rocking chair crossing their legs and hummed softly.

 

“ _Frère Jacques frère Jacques_ ”They sang softly, it was a bit choppy and rough but Thomas peeked his head up in interest nonetheless.

 

“ _Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous_?”They continued. Thomas sat up a bit and chewed on his bottom lip watching as Lafayette did the little gestures that went along with it.

 

“ _Sonnez les matines sonnez les matines_ ”They sang pretending to ring a bell which caused Thomas to giggle softly.

 

“ _Ding dang dong ding dang dong_!”Lafayette finished and clapped their hands coaxing Thomas to do the same.

 

“ _très bon travail, Voulez le chanter de nouveau_?”They asked. Thomas nodded his head quickly the frizzy curls falling into his eyes.

 

“Then we will, on the drive to my house”Lafayette reasoned. Thomas nodded and got out of the chair taking Lafayette’s hand in his.

 

“ _Frère Jacques..._ ”Thomas mumbled under his breath humming the rest.

 

“Lafayette....I....how?”Alexander sputtered.

“How did you know Thomas spoke French?”he finally managed to articulate.

 

“There’s a lot of things you do not know about Thomas”They said almost elusively. Alexander quirked up an eyebrow.

” _je m'appelle Tommy_ ”he mumbled behind his fingers.

Lafayette raised an eyebrow and nodded.

”my apologies tommy”They said.

Alexander was quick to work pulling out his phone and searching for the dial pad.

“I’m going to phone Madison and see where the hell he is-“

 

“Daddy est in France...économique stuff”Thomas said quietly playing with his fingers. Alexander’s eyes softened and yet again he could relate, he remembers when Lafayette had to go to France for a familial emergency and he refused to speak English to anyone.

 

_“Alexander please!”John cried out gripping onto his hair._

_“I can not understand you!”he said_

_“c'est pas mon problème”he mumbled._

_“Listen I don’t know what the hell you just said but I’m not feeling the attitude that was behind it”John said crossing his arms._

_Alex shrugged._

_“Comme je l'ai dit,pas mon problème”he responded and plopped on the couch turning on Netflix._

_“Speak English!”John pleaded._

_“parler français”Alexander shot back._

_“Español mi amor?”John said trying to find a middle ground._

_“No”_

_Needless to say it was a rough start to a months time away._

 

Alexander shook his head quickly and narrowed his eyes on his partner.

 

“I expect a detailed explanation with sites,sources and citations of how you know my e-...”Alexander had to cut himself off, could he even consider Thomas his enemy anymore?

“...how you know my friend Thomas so well”He said correcting himself.

 

Thomas’ eyes widened in surprise at the thought of having a friend, he never hated Alexander he admired the man but they always rubbed each other the wrong way.

 

“Enemies for the sake of the company but outside of that...I would like to be your friend”he said softly. Thomas’ eyes welled up with tears and he nodded his head rapidly, yes yes he would like that a lot.

 

Lafayette smiled proudly at Alexander.

 

“You did a really good thing Alex, I’ll see you at home later. 7:00pm sharp and I will have your PowerPoint ready”They said.

 

Alex smiled fondly and nodded.

 

“I’ll be there”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mon ami-my friend  
> Frère Jacques, Dormez-vous ? Sonnez les matines! Ding, daing, dong-French nursery rhyme, my cousin loves this song  
> très bon travail, Voulez le chanter de nouveau-very good, would you like to sing it again?  
> Daddy est in France-Daddy is in France  
> économique-Economics  
> c'est pas mon problème-That’s not my problem  
> Comme je l'ai dit,pas mon problème-Like I said, not my problem  
> Español mi amor-Spanish my love?  
> parler français-speak French  
> je m'appelle Tommy-my name is Tommy


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me? Crying over Thomas and Lafayette again? It is way more likely than it seems

“Can we stop and get McDonald’s?”Thomas asked from the backseat. Lafayette sighed once again as they pulled into more bumper to bumper traffic. Sometimes they regret taking the leap and moving to New York but it was for their boys.

 

“No we can not but I have a question for you”They said. Thomas whined softly under his breath but nodded.

 

“Why did you leave France?”They asked. They bit their lip at the silence that ensued.

 

_Thomas Jefferson d’Amboise aged sixteen and so much going for him. He was the scholar his parents had always wished for,the perfect son, the aristocratic business man they had prayed for._

_He had two of the best friends in the world, fellow noble Gilbert Marquis de Lafayette and...James Madison, he had no title,no land but he was perfect to Thomas. The group was solid teflon, never bothered. They were just like the girls from that American film they’ve seen once at James house._

_Thomas and Gilbert had practically been in each other’s pockets since birth. They had been raised on the same land and grew up side by side. Gilbert was more than excited when Thomas had managed to convince his parents to let him go to public school._

_It was December fifteenth, the snow was fluttering to the ground as the sun shone high in the sky. It always perplexed Thomas why the sun would shine during the winter, in his opinion it was doing a shit job at providing warmth._

_The two boys stood at the alter of the_

_Sacré-Cœur, one of the most beautiful churches in Paris. It was that special time in every noble boys life that he spent years preparing for. The coming of age festival, Thomas remembered his brothers so vividly. It was an entire week of parading him around France visiting other nobility and be showered in compliments and good fortune._

 

_Now it was finally his turn, he had waited so long for this and his best friend was by his side. The boys who both shared the same unruly curls had them slicked back in ponytails. Gilbert wore his on the top of his head each curl strategically placed, two curls framed his face giving off a hint of femininity. He donned his family color down to the emerald green ribbon wrapped around it._

_Thomas smiled, this was the first time he had seen Gilbert look so handsome. Thomas himself donned a magenta period suit complete with stockings and black oxfords. His hair was slicked back similar to Gilbert expect his ponytail was tied at the nape of his neck, a similar magenta ribbon keeping it in place._

_“Vous avez bonne mine mon ami”He whispered. Gilbert ducked his head seemingly embarrassed and whispered back a meek reply._

_Thomas never understood why Gilbert was so bashful when it came to compliments. This was an entire week dedicated to him and he would just brush it off._

_Little did Thomas know this was also the season of courting. His parents kept him entirely out of the loop, hell he was lucky if he even saw them every day._

_“Thomas, venez ici mon chéri!”his mother chirped already walking over holding on to a short girls hand. His jaw dropped and he couldn’t stop his feet from moving, sweet. That was the only way he could describe her. She had auburn hair that was delicately curled framing her face paired with hazel doe eyes._

_He stood in front of her and looked at-well looked down at her, she couldn’t be over five feet._

_“voici Martha de Virginia”she introduced. An American girl? What was she doing here._

_“Madame Wales”he greeted. She grinned cheekily and curtseyed._

_“I do apologize Monsieur Thomas but I don’t speak French all too well”she admitted._

_“There’s no need to apologize beautiful, there’s a beauty in being bilingual. Maybe I can teach you some French?”he asked grinning._

_“Considering our arrangement you’ll be spending a lot of time with me”she said. Thomas furrowed his brows, what did she mean?_

_“Walk and talk with me my dear, what arrangement might this be?”he said holding out his arm. They linked arms and walked right out of the church into the court yard._

_Gilbert stared in mild horror and distress as his mother came up and pinched his cheeks._

_“Mon bébé chéri, ne froncez pas les sourcils, Thomas est heureux, un jour nous vous trouverons une jeune mariée!...”_

_She might have said more but he tuned her out and kept his eyes focused on the chapel doors. Thomas would surely come back before dark and introduce him to this Martha, he always came back. Minutes of anticipation turned to hours and little did Gilbert know that was the last time he would see Thomas._

 

“Gilly?”Thomas said causing Lafayette to fall out of their daydream, they were parked in front of the apartment complex. When had they gotten home?

 

“Gilly are you okay? You’ve been sitting there for the past fifteen minutes gripping the steering wheel and...crying”He said voice softening on the last part.

 

“It’s okay tommy-“

 

“No no no, it’s Thomas right now. I fall in and out of littlespace pretty often so don’t even think it was your fault”He said sternly. Lafayette nodded and pulled their sweater to the palm of their hand wiping their eyes.

 

“You went looking for James...you never searched for me Thomas, why? I-I know it was so many years ago but I....I thought...”They croaked trailing off. They couldn’t find the words to say it, it felt like an abrupt break up but family wise.

 

“I was in Virginia Gilbe-“

 

“It is Lafayette, I go by Lafayette now...”They said. Thomas swallowed down the lump in his throat and nodded.

 

“Right right of course, I’m sorry...Lafayette”He said.

 

“I don’t even know where to begin, I was so caught up in...in Martha that I forgot the world around me...I never forgot about you though Lafayette. I remember that day I walked out those doors and didn’t come back, I was scared-“he said but Lafayette huffed and crossed their arms.

 

“You were scared? Scared of what Thomas! Do you know how lost I was without you!?”They shouted gripping the steering wheel even tighter. This was an almost twenty three year break down waiting to happen.

 

At this point they had stepped out of the car to cool down but Thomas followed their actions. They had half a mind to lower their voice in fear of Hercules coming outside or the neighbors calling the cops but they were pissed.

 

“You were not there for me Thomas! I spent years with the hope that you were coming back! I had no one else who knew me like you did! No one! You missed some of the most eventful and devastating moments of my life!”They continued to shout. Thomas nodded and hung his head low, he deserved this.

 

“You remember Michel?”They asked. Of course Thomas did, being the older of the two he spent a lot of time with Michel. Thomas nodded his head slowly gauging the tone in their voice.

 

“he passed away over ten years ago, he asked about you.”They said. Thomas felt himself become sick at the news, he doubled over in agony and gagged feeling the tears glide down his face.

 

“You ever wonder why I’m not flaunting my family’s colors?”They asked. Thomas nodded slowly not sure how much more he could take.

 

“I ran away from my wife, my family was furious Thomas. They took my title away from me and made me burn my ribbon, the last object of our coming of age celebration is gone. I can’t even bear to look at that color anymore”They finished. Thomas looked up and furiously wiped his eyes and shook his head.

 

“No!”he shouted. “No! You are still Gilbert Marquis de Lafayette and I am still Thomas Jefferson d’Amboise! You are still as noble as the day we met, we will find you new family colors together a-an-“

 

“Thomas, that is not how it works-“

 

“No but it is! You are of noble bloodline, the Marquis de Lafayette blood is coursing through your veins! A familial title doesn’t make you noble, the fact that you waited all those years shows loyalty which is more noble than anything. I wish I could say the same for myself but I can’t”he said wiping his eyes further.

 

He got down on one knee and bowed his head. The ultimate sign of respect from noble to noble.

 

“Monsieur Marquis de Lafayette, you have your own family now. Create your own traditions, create your own colors. Start something new”he said

 

Lafayette brought their hands up to their mouth in shock and couldn’t help but laugh at the position Thomas was in. The man who had been their equal their entire life was now kneeling at their feet.

 

“You can get up Thomas, I never said I didn’t forgive you because...I understand. France had so much, we were practically kings but I haven’t been any happier than I am now. The jewels and the castles and the extravagant feasts are all in the past”They said. Thomas stood up and brushed his pants off holding his hand out.

 

“Forgiveness Gilly?”He said getting that playful glint in his eyes.

 

“You’re relentless, forgiveness Monsieur Jefferson d’Amboise”They said pulling him in for a hug.

 

“Alright I promise not to tell Alexander but why are you crying and hugging Thomas Jefferson on our lawn?”Hercules asked from the front door.

 

The two wrapped their arms around each other and faced the House.

 

“There is so much I need to tell you about France my Hercules”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations translations translations because I have no self control when it comes to languages 
> 
> Vous avez bonne mine mon ami-you look good my friend
> 
> Thomas, venez ici mon chéri-Thomas come here my darling
> 
> voici Martha de Virginia-this is Martha of Virginia 
> 
> Mon bébé chéri, ne froncez pas les sourcils, Thomas est heureux, un jour nous vous trouverons une jeune mariée-Do not frown my sweet baby, Thomas is happy one day we will find you a bride


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y’all are probably so sick of the Laf/Jef moments but to me they’re just precious

Hercules sat on the couch and gripped it tensely as all the information was relayed back to him. Oh no, Alexander wouldn’t like this at all.

 

“So you’re telling me...you guys were best friends?”He asked again. They nodded in unison almost causing him to spill his tea cup, it was freaky.

 

“We were raised side by side for a good fifteen years, except I was born the following year”Lafayette explained.

 

“Best damn year of my life”Thomas muttered. Lafayette slapped the back of his head which seemed to surprise Hercules even more. He’d never seen Lafayette poke someone let alone smack someone. Thomas whined and rubbed his scalp which caused Lafayette to roll their eyes.

 

“Okay second thing, Laf I knew you came from money but you never said that you came from _royalty_ ”he said. Lafayette rolled their eyes once again and crossed their arms.

 

“I wouldn’t call it royalty, I’m just of a noble bloodline-“

 

“Did you go to balls? And ride in carriages? and did you use the guillotine!”He asked bouncing in place on the sofa.

 

“Yes, yes and sadly no. The last death by the guillotine happened a few years before my birth and even then I don’t have enough power to wield that around”They said. Hercules nodded in understanding but had a hint of a pout on his lips, the fact that capital murder excited him was somewhat questionable.

 

“You said you had pictures of you two from when you were younger? Where did you keep them?”He asked. John had decided now was the time was stumble into the room barely having his shirt on.

 

“I heard other voices?”he mumbled and rubbed his eyes blearily blinking them a few times. Once his eyes focused on Thomas he frowned and crossed his arms.

 

“The fuck are you doing here Jefferson?”He asked his voice raspy. Sleep still clung desperately to his chords and he cleared his throat.

 

“I come in peace, I’m having a moment with Lafayette. He’s about to pull out some pictures of us from France, care to join?”Thomas couldn’t help the smirk that graced his face even if he tried. There was something so ironic about the person you hate being your partner’s best friend, it just tickled him pink to be able to live it.

 

“You...what...Lafayette!”John cried out desperately turning to face his partner. Laf simply shrugged and stood up kissing John’s cheek.

 

“It is true my darling, Thomas was my best friend”They said and went into the cleaning closet and moved a few things around pulling out a scrapbook.

 

“I’m in there all the time! How come I’ve never found this!”John cried out crossing his arms.

 

“Do you clean with bleach?”Lafayette asked.

 

“No?”John said tilting his head, bleach made him sick.

 

“Exactly, it was behind the bleach”They said and plopped down on the couch.

 

“Move it Jefferson, I’m gonna sit on my doudou’s lap!”he exclaimed and practically canon balled onto Lafayette causing them to groan.

 

Thomas raised an eye at the nickname and Lafayette quickly became bashful and cleared their throat.

 

“Anyways! This is the scrapbook, fifteen years worth of shit because my mother never missed a moment”They said exasperated. The scrapbook was even beautiful, it was emerald green and the stitching was magenta. The two looked at it in awe and it’s like they were back on Thomas’ _grand-mère’s_ couch looking over it.

 

Hercules and John shared a collective look, this was a very peculiar day.

 

Lafayette opened it to the first page and got hit with an almost immediate wave of cringe. Baby pictures.

 

“Oh my god laf is that you! And Thomas is naked!”John exclaimed pointing for affect. This time Thomas groaned and quickly reached over the freckled boy turning the page.

 

“Next, awww I remember this picture”he said. The two boys were holding hands outside in a meadow. They had on their little pompous striped puffy shorts with the stockings and wore matching tunics on top. They looked almost identical wearing their hair in two ponytails at the nape of their necks.

 

“Did you guys dress like that all the time?”Hercules asked peeking over.

 

“I did not, I only dressed up for photos. Thomas’ family had him in formal wear all the time”They said.

 

“That’s why you’ll never catch me in a pair of jeans, those things are uncomfortable”He said scrunching up his nose. John’s eyes widened and gave him an incredulous look.

 

“You’re out of your fuckin mind, next page”he said. Lafayette complied and flipped to the next page. They were a little older and you could begin to see the divide, Lafayette wore a pair of blue dungarees and a striped shirt while Thomas wore stockings with knee breeches. Lafayette made a silly face at the camera and Tomas only seemed to smile from the eyes up posing.

 

“You...you can see how different we truly were”He said.

 

“But we were just kids, we didn’t even make the connection. You were still my best friend”They said trying to soothe Thomas’ mind that was undoubtedly running wild.

 

“I think it was sweet...ya know how y’all was so different but childhood innocent made it so you didn’t even realize”John said quietly. Lafayette smiled and sang his praises kissing all over his face.

 

“The rest of the stuff In here is just teenage shi-“

 

“Hey what’s this?”John said pulling a tab that lead to the coming of age section. There right on the front page of it was the picture that Thomas and Lafayette took the moment before they left. They were both dolled up in their silk knee breeches and stockings. They held hands and Lafayette was laying their head on Thomas’ shoulder.

 

“When was this from?”John asked. The tension in the room became thick, you could cut it with a knife.

 

“That was the day I found my wife...but I lost a friend in return”Thomas said. Lafayette nodded and quickly turned the page, they’ve discussed that day enough.

 

“Wait wait wait you can’t just be vague like that and not give details!”John cried. Lafayette gave him a warning look and he immediately shut his mouth leaning back against them.

 

“Anyways...”Hercules said looking desperately at John.

 

“Tell is more about your childhood laf, you never really talked about it”He said.

 

“It was really good, I can’t complain about anything”They said.

 

“Come on babe, now that I know you was a fancy lil Prince I need all the details”John teased. Lafayette bit their lip nervously, they didn’t want to brag. They grew up being handed things on a silver platter, they had more than enough.

 

“Hey, If you’re thinkin it’s gonna make me feel bad I’m okay. I go to therapy for a reason”He said lowly. Lafayette nodded.

 

“I um...I grew up in a...I mean I guess you could call it a castle...”They said awkwardly and Thomas rolled his eyes.

 

“Oh please! Laf and I grew up in two very large castles on a huge ass plot of land! We both had ponies and had the best teachers money can buy, I’m sure he’s never told you bu-“

 

“They, I use They”Lafayette corrected. Thomas nodded and apologized profusely.

 

“I’m sorry laf, I didn’t know but I’ll keep that in mind. Like I was saying I’m sure they never told you but they’re a beast at the violin!”Thomas said puffing his chest out proudly.

 

“Babe you told me you couldn’t play”John said. Lafayette ducked their head down and suddenly they were that same bashful fifteen year old.

 

“I-I’m not that good-“

 

“And my god the way they used to play piano, it was simply magnificent! I always envied their ability to pick up instruments so quickly, I was more of your count money and calculate shit guy”He said.

 

Both Hercules and John were now staring them down, the one thing they now remember about Thomas is he couldn’t shut his mouth. Good or bad news to spread he would talk and talk until he was satisfied, no wonder him and Alexander bumped heads so often.

 

“That’s quite enough Thomas”They said softly. Thomas’ head snapped up and he tilted it frowning like a kicked puppy.

 

“Why? Did I say something wrong?”He asked. Lafayette quickly shook their head and sighed.

 

“It’s just...I’m still the same person I was twenty three years ago, bashful”They said scratching the nape of their neck.

 

“Yeah and I’m still the same Thomas, not giving a damn how bashful you are. You’re super talented and I think your partner’s should know how much you have to offer”He said shrugging. Lafayette groaned and rolled over taking John with them on their tumble to the ground.

 

“I have half a mind to punch the shit out of you”They spat with no bite. Thomas grinned and crossed his arms.

 

“Glad to have you back Lafayette”

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! The 30th chapter is coming up soon which is a big deal for me because none of the books i’ve written have ever gotten past ten chapters and now look at this! I was wondering for a celebration if you wanted to do a Q&A with any of the characters? Like you guys would comment questions specific to them and then I’ll do a whole little chapter thing dedicated to it, I personally think it would be a ton of fun!


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Enjoy this somewhat domesticity chapter, it’s like a mixture of fluff,smut and good natured crack

John woke up in a cold sweat and quickly looked around, where was he? He blinked slowly trying to get his eyes to adjust to the dark room, what time was? He sat up quickly and felt a face cloth fall into his lap.

 

“What the fuck...?”he whispered. The house seemed too quiet. He stood up and grimaced at the vaguely sour taste in his mouth. He looked around the room and frowned even further, why was he in the guest room? He opened the door and groaned at the blinding light coming from the hallway.

 

 _So it’s still daytime_ he pondered and shuffled down the hallway, he smacked his lips together and scrunched up his face in further disgust. He was definitely going to brush his teeth after he figured out what was going on.

 

He pivoted on his feet and walked up the hallway to the bedroom. He sighed in relief as he heard the distant sound of voices coming from inside. He turned the handle and cracked the door open to see Alex,Hercules and Lafayette sitting in a circle playing cards against humanities.

 

“Hey guys...”he croaked out and his hands immediately flew up to his throat in a panic, god why did it burn?

 

“Oh good you’re awake”Hercules said looking up from his deck of card. Lafayette took a cheeky glance over but was soon called out by Alexander who wasn’t even looking in their direction. He had eyes everywhere and it was terrifying.

 

“Wha happened to me?”John asked finally shuffling inside the room. He felt cold and grabbed his rugrats fuzzy blanket off the bed wrapping it around himself.

 

“Oh we’re not too sure, we think it’s because you drank the wrong milk”Alex said. John gave him a look and he elaborated further.

 

“You were sitting on the couch and we think you drank moo milk, ya know like you’re _not_ supposed to”he said giving John a pointed look.

 

“Yeah but that doesn’t explain why I blacked out”he said making himself comfortable in Hercules lap.

 

“You drank the milk and soon complained of a migraine, you also threw up on Thomas shoes and passed out”Alex said. John’s face grew red in horror.

 

“That really happened?”he asked. He knew he was severely lactose intolerant but he’s never thrown up before.

 

Alex nodded solemnly.

 

“Yeah, we cleaned you up and laid you down in the guest room just in case you threw up again. Lafayette’s boujee ass would have complained if you threw up on our satin sheets”he said. Lafayette huffed and crossed their arms.

 

“I am not _boujee_!”They cried out. Alexander grinned like a Cheshire Cat and wiggles smugly.

 

“You are _so_ boujee Lafayette! You went on an overnight trip to Los Angeles without us because you needed a ‘change of scenery’”he said. Lafayette rolled their eyes.

 

“Oh I’m sorry that it was negative seven degrees in New York! It’s like you wanted me to freeze my ass off”They said and pouted.

 

“My exact point, you could’ve turned up the heat,put on a jacket, took a warm shower but nooo you went all the way to the damn west coast cause you were cold!”he exclaimed. Oh no, Alexander was in an argumentative mood and Lafayette was the only person they’ve ever known not to back down.

 

“ _excusez-moi Monsieur_ Hamilton I apologize for making a rash decision with my hard earned money”They said with a huff.

 

“hey listen babe I’m not telling you how to spend your money, just admit you’re boujee and we can move on with our lives”he said. One of the many reasons Alexander adored Lafayette was because of how headstrong they were, it was also one of the reasons they bumped heads. Being a patient but feisty individual either led Lafayette to snap or completely shut down and give the silent treatment. It seems from the way Alexander was prodding it was going to be the latter.

 

“ _va te faire foutre_ ”They spat. It caught Hercules and John off guard but it just seemed to spur Alexander on.

 

“I’m sorry what was that? My French is a bit rusty, did you say you were boujee?”he said holding his hand behind his ear and scooting closer. Lafayette knew Alexander was egging them on, they knew it but if Alexander wanted to create a scene they would create a whole damn movie.

 

“you’re down right incompetent _mon ange_ I said fuck off.”They said and threw their cards on the ground in front of them. Hercules and John watched carefully for Alexander’s next move.

 

Alexander winced and pushed his hair out of his eyes scrunching up his face.

 

“That hurt coming from you my love, but it seems like the kitty’s got her claws out today”he teased. Just a little bit more he thought, he saw Lafayette’s upper lip twitch up into a snarl. If there was one thing that ticked them off relentlessly it was being patronized.

 

Instead of striking they sat there clenching their fists tightly, the air in the room thickened. John and Hercules knew what was about to go down, they quietly moved on to the bed and watched. This was predator against prey and Alexander was about to go down.

 

“What the fuck did you just call me?”They asked. Alexander went to respond but in seconds there was a hand around his throat squeezing. He gasped a little taking in a short breath, in moments like these he forgot how strong Lafayette was.

 

“That was rhetorical, _salope_ ”They said lowly. Alexander shuddered under their gaze and squirmed making an effort to wiggle out of their grip. That only encouraged them to grip tighter cutting off his oxygen completely for a few moments. Once they loosened their grip again Alexander panted and felt himself harden.

 

“You’re hiding behind your French again you bastard, cats got your tongue?”he spat trying to muster up as much malice as he could.

 

“You want me to say it in English and embarrass you? Because I am more than capable”They said. Though it was an empty threat it still made Alexander’s blood run cold, he thought over the translation multiple times wondering if it had changed.

 

“Go ahead, fucking say it”he challenged looking Lafayette head on in their eyes. He only smirked as he watched Lafayette’s eyes darken and the grip on his throat tightened for a millisecond.

 

“I dare you.”He said with a grin.

 

Lafayette chuckled. Alex lost the confident look in his eyes for a few seconds and frowned, why were they laughing?

 

“Have you just met me Alexander? I don’t give naughty kittens what they want”They said and placed a kiss on his cheek releasing his throat. Alex let out a whine of protest and quickly grabbed Lafayette’s hand.

 

“B-but I got you all riled up! I-I called you a kitten a-and boujee and a bastard!”he cried out. He had done everything right for the perfect anger fuck of his life, why wasn’t it working?!

 

Lafayette simply shrugged and sat back down in their spot crossing their legs, they weren’t even hard. That bastard.

 

“I know I’m not boujee or a bastard, I just like expensive things and I wasn’t born out of wedlock”They said. Alexander groaned and threw himself over Lafayette’s lap.

 

“I also called you a kitten, shouldn’t you spank me for disrespecting you? I mean it’s only fair”he said rolling over onto his stomach. Lafayette laughed and laid a harsh slap to his ass causing him to yelp and push back against their hand for more.

 

“I have no reason to spank you, that was all good natured fun”They said. Alexander’s eyes widened to the size of saucers and his mouth hung agape.

 

“That was fun to you?! Lafayette I was a hundred percent sure that you were pissed!”he exclaimed. Lafayette nodded and shrugged running a hand through Alexander’s hair.

 

“What can I say? I am an actress”They said and flipped their hair over their shoulder.

 

“I could’ve sworn you were hard”he whined pathetically as a last attempt.

 

“Oh I was, unlike a certain bitch in my lap I can control myself”They said. Alexander keened at the comment and bucked his hips against the carpet.

 

“Lafayette you can’t just say things like that and expect me to not want your dick!”He cried out. Hercules rolled his eyes from the bed.

 

“Alexander if you keep whining I will literally shove my dick up your ass with no lube”He said. Alexander whined even louder and lifted his hips up starting to shimmy out of his slacks.

 

“Jesus Alexander what has gotten into you?”He asked. Alexander rolled his eyes and lowered his hips after a few moments.

 

“Obviously not any of you”he mumbled. Lafayette couldn’t help but chuckle, he was acting so petulant it was adorable.

 

“Awww I’m sorry _mon petit_ have we not been paying attention to you and that cute little ass of yours?”Lafayette cooed. Alexander huffed and nodded lifting his hips up again.

 

“You know all you have to do is ask”Hercules said. He did have a point but it was embarrassing! Asking to fuck your partner was one thing but asking to be fucked was an entirely different kind of vulnerability.

 

“You know I don’t like to ask”he mumbled.

 

“Then you’ll never get fucked cause we never know you want to unless you start acting like the literal embodiment of lust”Hercules said.

 

“You know if anyone’s the kitten in this relationship it’s you Alexander”Lafayette said. Alex let out a grunt and went to work wiggling against Lafayette’s thigh.

 

“You like to piss off your master just so you can play, we should get a spray bottle for you”They said thoughtfully. Alexander almost choked on his spit and halted his movement.

 

“I know that sound, I think we found a new kink!”John shouted and pointed standing up on the bed. Hercules quietly scolded him and pulled him back down into his lap wrapping his arms around him.

 

“You need to stop moving around so much, your poor tummy is probably still upset”he said and gently lifted up John’s shirt rubbing circles. John smiled and closed his eyes leaning against Hercules chest.

 

Lafayette smirked as Alexander slowly tried to inch away.

 

“You’re not getting away from me mon petit”They said and snatched him up into their lap mimicking John and Hercules. Alexander let out a whine of protest that soon turned into a low purr as Lafayette ran a hand through their hair tugging softly.

 

“So a new kink mon petit? What is it?”They asked softly.

 

“I-I-god that feels so nice-it’s um..it’s called um p-petplay”he squeaked.

 

“I didn’t want to bring it up because I thought that you thought it would be weird but why would it be weird to you when you call me a kitten all the time wow I should really stop ra-“

 

“Alexander.”Lafayette said firmly. Alexander’s head snapped up and he shifted turning to face them his back to his other partners.

 

“I know what petplay is.”They said slowly. Alexander nodded in relief but soon tensed up again, they knew but how did they feel about it?

 

“I feel like I’ve been dropping really obvious hints, the petting, the scolding, telling you not to sit on the table...”They continued to list. The more Alexander listened the more he realized he really does act like a cat.

 

“So...what does this mean?”He asked.

 

“Well I was hoping you would be the honor of being my kitten?”They asked. Alexander nodded his head and leaned forward pressing his lips against Lafayette’s sending them both tumbling over.

 

John whined and looked up at Hercules.

 

“I wanna be a kitten too!”he said. Hercules chuckled and shook his head.

 

“Oh please John with the amount of energy you have you’re definitely more of a puppy”He said. John’s face reddened and he buried it in the crook of Hercules neck.

 

Lafayette chuckled against Alexander’s lips and pulled away resting their forehead against his.

 

“So it seems we all agree that John is more of a _chiot_ than a _chaton_ ”They whispered playfully wiggling their eyebrows. Alexander rolled his eyes and planted another kiss on Lafayette’s lips

 

“Oh please, I’ve been knew. I threw a stick outside and said go fetch and the little fucker actually brought it back”He whispered. Lafayette giggled falling onto their back and it was music to everyone’s ears. Alexander fell on top of them due to gravity and let out a oomph catching himself before he could completely crush them.

 

“Dog pile!”John shouted and broke free of Hercules grip throwing himself into the mix. Lafayette let out a groan and Alexander laughed wrapping his arms around John.

 

“Little jacky always has to be apart of the fun”he teased. John’s eyes lit up and he eagerly beckoning Hercules to join in on the fun.

 

“Alright alright but I won’t throw my-oh!”He said. John grabbed his arm and pulled him into the pile probably bruising Alexander in the process.

 

“I am still down here!”Lafayette exclaimed though it was muffled. They lived for group cuddles but this was chaotic and someone’s ass was in his face.

 

“Did you guys here something? I think the carpet can talk now”Hercules said. John laughed and clapped his hands happy that he was in on the joke.

 

“I didn’t hear nothin, you’re losin it Herc”he said.

 

“I am not a carpet!”Lafayette squeaked trying their best to roll out from underneath the mass of bodies. Alexander who was get jostled about the most sprawled out across them.

 

“I think there’s an earthquake, can’t you feel the floor moving?”he said.

 

“Well better evacuate”Hercules said and stood up with a loud sigh pulling John up with him. Alexander stood up last and threw himself on the bed.

 

Lafayette rolled over on their hands and knees and panted trying to ground themself to take a deep breath. A few minutes of deep breathing and they were ready to stand up on shaky legs.

 

They crossed their arms and gave a less than impressed glare.

 

“That joke was eh...how you say _corny_ ”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> excusez-moi Monsieur Hamilton-excuse me mr Hamilton  
> va te faire foutre-fuck you/fuck off  
> Mon ange-my angel  
> salope-bitch/slut/Whore  
> chiot-puppy  
> Chaton-kitten


	27. Chapter 27

“We should have a story time”Hercules said twisting his hand in Lafayette’s curls.

 

“We should, we haven’t done one of those in a long time”John said, Alexander nodded in agreement and scooted further up Lafayette’s chest.

 

“I’ve um got one but like it’s not a happy one, it’s actually about my past if y’all are game to hear”John said quietly.

 

“What about your past John? I mean I’m definitely open to hearing about anything but like...ya know”Hercules said.

 

“Y-y’all know I’ve been in prison before right?”he stuttered. All three of them nodded but Alexander sent him a weary glance.

 

“John you don’t have to share this if you don’t want to”He said slowly.

 

“I know Alex but I think I’m ready and it’s about time they’ve known. I’m gonna be talking about it in therapy with Mrs.Schuyler next week anyways”he said. Alexander nodded and crossed his arms.

 

“I um I just want y’all to know t-this isn’t a reflection of me or who I am today”he said quickly fidgeting with his fingers.

 

“We don’t judge in this relationship John, we support. Would it make you feel better if we went to the safe room?”he asked. John nodded immediately and lifted his arms up. Alexander shot the others a look and rushed over to pick John up rubbing his back, they didn’t take it personally. They’ve learned not to, in this relationship someone is always going to have a preference for someone. It’s human nature and it’s just how they function, Alex and John have known each other the longest so they’re dependent on each other emotionally, same goes for Hercules and Lafayette.

 

“I just want you to know it’s really brave of you to share this story with them, I admire you John”he murmured leaving sweet kisses on John’s shoulder. John didn’t want to be brave, he just wanted to be honest. He just nodded and rested his head on Alex’s shoulder as he walked down the hall.

 

The safe room had been redecorated and restocked on multiple occasions just to fit the changing needs. Right now it had a soft white carpet and was furnished with a rocking chair, a couch and multiple wooden toys were tossed about the room. It looked more like a nursery but it brought them all great comfort, once Alexander had set John down he immediately took off towards the giant bear that was propped up in the corner sitting on its lap. This was his other doudou, the moment he saw it he just knew it needed to come home with him. It was around seven feet tall and it was ridiculously fluffy, he grabbed a throw blanket that was on the couch and wrapped himself in it.

 

Once the others walked in Hercules took control and grabbed a fairy wand holding it up.

 

“We all remember the rules of the safe room yes?”he asked. Everyone nodded their heads and sat in their respect seats.

 

“Can someone please recite them for me just to make sure?”he asked. Alexander raised his hand.

 

“In this room we do not use foul language, slurs or derogatory terms unless prompted. We will try our best to be good listeners and comfort one another if needed, if rules are broken said person will face consequences”he said almost verbatim to the list hanging on the wall. Lafayette almost rolled their eyes but nodded along, this felt like a kindergarten classroom.

 

“Good, since John will be speaking he’s now in control of the fairy wand”Hercules said and tossed the wand in his direction. He scrambled to catch it and held it tightly in his hands trembling slightly.

 

“C-can Laf sit with me while I share?”He asked. Lafayette was out of the rocking chair in seconds and on the floor next o John gently holding his hand.

 

“You can stop at anytime _ma faiblesse_ ”They whispered. John felt himself blush and relax at the familiarity of the pet name, it was only his and just for him. He nodded and cleared his throat pulling at the fur of the carpet.

 

“I-I was s-seventeen years old when this happened, stupid as hell...”he breathed out. He immediately looked up at Hercules who simply nodded. He took that as a sign of permission and kept going.

 

“We ain’t never had nothing to eat, I-I only did this to eat”he choked out feeling the tears pool in his eyes, he remembered the night vividly.

 

“I was in the wrong place at the wrong time...”he said and slowly but surely began telling the story.

 

_He felt the cold metal of the barrel against his temple. He clenched his jaw and screwed his eyes shut. He was surrounded he knew it, he could feel the hot breath of the damn enemy on his neck._

_Mother fuck._

_“What you doin walkin ‘round our hood ‘lil Johnny?”The man asked pressing the barrel closer. John winced and slowly put his hands up revealing an EBT card and coupons._

_“Listen, I just came here to buy some groceries. Y’all the only hood close enough with a stop and shop”he said._

_“You know we don’t tolerate no crips in our hood period”The man said._

_John’s bottom lip trembled, his eyes traveled down to see the blue bandana wrapped around his belt loop._

_He just wanted to provide back at home, how did it end up like this? He’d heard the stories and took heed to the warnings, how was he stupid enough to brandish his gangs color? And on the other side of town in such an unfamiliar area_

_“L-Listen man I haven’t even gotten sworn in-“he started but his pleas got cut short as a fist connected with his jaw. He stumbled back a few steps, Now was his chance._

_He quickly pulled up his sweater and reached under the waist band of his jeans pulling out a gun. It felt heavy in his hands and he held it clumsily. How did he end up in this situation? He was just a kid, barely seventeen._

_“I-I’ll fucking shoot you, I just wanna get my damn groceries!”He barked. The situation was darkly comedic, he was about a foot shorter than the men in front of him and hell his voice hadn’t even dropped all the way yet._

_The same gun that was held against his temple only moments ago was pointed at him, loaded and cocked._

_“You don’t have the balls kid”the man said._

_The next thing he knew his finger was pressing the trigger and he stumbled back from the sheer force of it. He hit the ground and looked up to see the group looking down at him. He had got the leader right in the chest._

_“You better watch your fucking back!”_

_“Call 911!”_

_At the mention of the police he stood up and kicked away the gun sprinting in the opposite direction. He didn’t know where he was going but he was getting the hell out of there._

 

By the end of the story John had buried his face into Lafayette’s chest sobbing.

 

“That was somebody’s son!”he shouted though it was muffled by the fabric of their sweater.

“That was somebody’s son and I killed him!”He wailed tucking his knees up to his chest. Alexander sighed and scooted closer motioning for Hercules to do the same.

 

“You were defending yourself John, it was you or him and you know that”Alex said firmly. Hercules looked up at him in disbelief but he brushed it off.

 

“You were just trying to eat John and you did what needed to be done. I am so fucking thankful for you because if you didn’t do what you did we all would have starved. You provided the only way you knew how with no diploma and you made sure those kids never went hungry”he said. John wiped his eyes and shook his head.

 

“Don’t paint me as this hero-“

 

“Don’t paint yourself as the villain either, that day it was either him or you. You weren’t playin Superman, you were just trying to survive and you did. The fact that you’re remorseful is a good thing, it shows you’ve got a heart”he continued.

 

“B-but his parents-“

 

“Fuck his parents John! Did they know he was trying to kill you? A seventeen year old boy who was just trying to get some groceries?”he said. John slowly shook his head.

 

“Exactly, he died you lived and you’re the one who gets to tell the story. God knows if you died that night he would have painted you as the devil”he said.

 

“Alexander...”John started but he couldn’t find the words to finish.

 

“You even turned yourself in, you could have kept running from the police but you came home kissed my cheek and said you was goin away for a while”he said and cleared his throat. He took a shaky breath and started to tell the story from his end, once John was calm enough he joined in.

 

_John walked into the apartment frantically and laid the EBT card on the table. God how much time did he have? He quickly ran up the stairs and threw Alexander’s door open causing the boy to shift and groan. John frantically wiped his hands on his pants not sure if the blood was actually there or metaphorical._

_He sat on the edge of Alex’s bed and leaned over kissing the boys cheek tenderly. He had meant to leave after that but he couldn’t help but stare at his angel, he saw his own tears hit his lovers flushed cheek and he held his breath._

_“John? Wha happened?”he slurred sleepily. He went to prop himself up but John gently held him down pulling the blankets further up around him._

_“I-I’m gonna he gone for a little while angel, but I’ll be back...I swear. We’re gonna get a nice big house together with a white picket fence and a lil yappy dog just like you wanted okay?”he croaked and wiped the tears off his face. Alexander sat up against his wishes and frantically grabbed John’s face._

_“What do you mean John whats wr-“he started but he was cut off with a kiss pressed to his lips. It was passionate but he couldn’t even enjoy the taste of cherry cola on his lovers lips, it was a goodbye kiss. John’s being trembled down to his lips as he grabbed Alexander’s hands and held them in his own. Understanding, the one thing he learned very quickly that Alexander was. Once he pulled away he reached in his pocket and pulled out a small tube of cherry cola Lip Smacker that was tied onto a chain. He placed it in his lovers hands and closed his own around them._

_Alexander slowly opened his hand and looked down tears starting to brim in his eyes._

_“So you know I’m coming back”John whispered._

_“Where are you even going?”Alexander croaked._

_“Hell on earth, someplace angels like you can’t go. I want you to do a few things for me Alexander, are you listening?”He asked. Alex hiccuped and nodded slowly gripping the chapstick in his hand._

_“Don’t forget about me but don’t let it hold you back either. You be the little scholar I know you are, graduate, go to college and follow your dreams. Can you do that for me baby?”he asked. Alexander nodded._

_“H-how long will you be gone?”he whimpered. John’s heart broke at the puppy dog look in his eyes. He shouldn’t have come back, he felt the tears roll down his face rapidly and gripped the blanket._

_“I-I don’t know baby...I don’t know”he said._

_“Can you lay with me for a while...just until I fall asleep?”He asked. John let out a sigh and nodded._

_“You know I can’t deny you anything angel”he said and crawled into bed next to him._

_The next day Alexander woke up to an empty bed and a cherry cola Lip Smacker clutched in his hand._

 

“You’ve always been my angel”John whispered and kissed Alex’s cheek.

 

“Well, it seems like he kept his promise”Lafayette said.

 

“Yup, he made me proud. He graduated from high school, went to kings college and now he works with Washington. My heart fills with pride every time I see that degree on the wall”he said.

 

“I still have the cherry cola Lip Smacker in our keepsake box”Alex said.

 

“Oh god that was the weakest gift I could’ve ever given you, I didn’t even give you my chain”he said. Alexander rolled his eyes and smacked his shoulder.

 

“Your chain meant nothing to me, you loved that chapstick more than anything. I took it as you loved me when you gave it to me...”Alex said fidgeting with his fingers.

 

“Because that’s how I meant it, my angel”he said and kissed John’s temple.

 

“God I wish I could’ve met young Alexander”Hercules said now perched in the rocking chair.

 

“No you do not, I was quiet but if you got me going I was a little shit”he said.

 

“Then you’re no different than you are now”He said. Alex frowned and scoffed.

 

“I am so different now! I’m not quiet”he said with a smirk.

 

“Honestly I wonder what you were like when you were younger Hercules, you never talk about yourself”John said.

 

Hercules shrugged and leaned against the chair starting to rock.

 

“There’s nothing much to tell, I was the most boring kid ever”He said.

 

“Oh come onnnn! Hercules Mulligan never did anything risqué?”John said wiggling his eyebrows. Hercules laughed and shook his head.

 

“I was a good boy, I went to school and went home”he said.

 

“He’s from Ireland”Lafayette said. John and Alexander gasped collectively and looked at him.

 

“You never told us that!”They cried and got up lunging at him. He let out a oof and tried to steady himself as they settled themselves on his lap.

 

“Tell us about Ireland!”John exclaimed.

 

“Okay okay so it’s not all sheeps and rolling fields...”he started.

 

The couple exchanged stories and laughed as Hercules told the story of how he stole a loaf of bread from the towns baker when he was five.

 

The sun soon fell and they had moved their small group back to the giant teddy bear cuddling. Alexander was starting to fall asleep and John was busying himself braiding Laf’s hair.

 

Hercules smiled and sighed contently.

 

Some people wish for fame or fortune, he just wishes for more days like these with his partners.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	28. Chapter 28

Summer soon closed into an end and before the lovers knew it September was around the corner. It had snuck up on all of them, it was almost birthday season In their household. Lafayette’s was merely a week away and the boys had no idea what to do. Hercules has called a boys only meeting in the safe room practically forcing Lafayette out when they tried to butt in.

 

“That’s not fair! I identified as a boy once!”They whined and banged on the door.

 

“Yeah but you don’t now so tough luck”Hercules said and locked the door.

 

“Well Fine! I’m going to Dunkin’ Donuts and I’m not bringing you guys anything!”They said and stomped down the hall. Hercules chuckled once he heard the front door slam and he settled on the rocking chair.

 

“Alright boys game plan, Laf will only be out for like thirty minutes so we have to do this quickly”He said.

 

“Make that an hour, I just texted Thomas and told him to distract them”Alex said sitting in the teddy bears lap. John frowned at him and pushed him over taking his spot.

 

“Jefferson is in on this?”He asked. Alexander’s fingers typed rapidly as he looked up at John.

 

“He is...now!”he said and stuck his phone in his pocket.

“Lafayette is now having lunch up in the heights”he said.

 

“Good job Alexander”Hercules said.

 

“You really do type like you’re running out of time”John mumbled thoughtfully. Alexander and Hercules shot him a look and he blushed leaning back against the teddy bear.

 

“Alright so this is Laf’s thirty-eighth birthday, we’re all clear on this correct?”He said.

 

“I thought he was turning thirty-five”John said. Alexander tsked and shook his head folding his arms.

 

“Man you are really garbage at birthdays”He said.

 

“Can you blame me!”John exclaimed.

 

“John when is your birthday?”Hercules asked.

 

“Easy October twenty-ninth”he said.

 

“Your birthday is the twenty-eighth dumbass I’ve seen your birth certificate!”Alexander exclaimed.

 

“Oh yeah...”John said.

 

Hercules dropped his head in his hands and shook his head.

 

“We’re getting way off topic, anyways it’s Laf’s birthday soon so we gotta do something special for them. They’ve been working so hard lately and I feel like we should really do something that let’s them know we appreciate them”He said.

 

“Agreed, does birthday sex count as a present?”Alex asked.

 

“No Alexander it does not but that’s definitely on the table, what should we do as a group this year?”He asked.

 

“I really don’t know, we’ve taken them pretty much everywhere...besides I don’t think we can top last year”Alexander said and smiled at the memory.

 

_“Hurry up mon amours you are all so slow!”They shouted and sprinted down the pathway. Alexander looked like the epitome of a tourist, sure he’s been to France before but he had every right to be a tourist now. This was the fucking palace of Versailles. He fixed the bucket hat on his head and held the map up scoping the area._

 

_“Guys hurry!”Lafayette whined and turned around running back the group._

_“I want to show you my favorite part!”They said._

_“You’ve been here before?”Hercules questioned._

_“Mhm, I spent a significant amount of my childhood here”They said. They twirled around and smiled thinking about home, what they would give to show the boys their own castle._

 

“Paris was fuckin gorgeous, god Laf looked so happy there...”John said cuddling against the teddy bears arm.

 

“That was the most I’ve seen them smile in years, so how do we do that again this year?”Hercules said.

 

“I know a little place in Maine that they might like...”Alex said quietly.

 

“Go on Alexander”Hercules said.

 

“Well it’s called Old orchard beach and it’s a cute little town with a beach and like a boardwalk amusement park thing. When I first got adopted my folks brought me there for the first time and I...I fell in love with the ocean for the first time in a long time”He said.

 

Hercules smiled and nodded.

 

“A beach and an amusement park eh? I’ll look into it, now how do we get Lafayette to Maine without them throwing a fit?”He asked. It was no shocker that Lafayette hated the outdoors, it was a kicking and screaming match when they had decided to go on a couples retreat in Mass. It ended up with Lafayette whining the whole time and crying to the point of Hercules turning the car right back around and back on the highway.

 

“Well we could blindfold them and by the time they start questioning it we’ll already be on the highway”John suggested.

 

“Oh no no no no, highways give them too much power. We’ll have to take a plane, tell them we’re going to Cali or something”Hercules said. John and Alex nodded, being in a minivan with a pissed off Laf was hell for everyone. They took petty to a new level, if they were pissed then everyone was going to be pissed.

 

“Maybe we should just go to Canada again? Laf likes it up in Montreal”John said.

 

“No, they said they wanted to see the world and god damn it we’re gonna show them the entire world”Alexander snapped.

 

John raised his hands up in surrender.

 

“My fault babe”he mumbled.

 

“Well we need a backup place if this idea fails so Montreal isn’t a bad idea”Hercules said.

 

“I honestly think Laf would like it, I like it when the little kid in them comes out. They’re always so parental and stoic, it’s fun to see them run around and let loose”Alex said.

 

“I do too, they won’t ever admit they’re having fun though. God sometimes I think they’re a mixture between a fifteen year old kid and a grandma”Hercules said. John snorted and nodded, it was accurate.

 

“Alright now let’s talk birthday week, who’s doing what?”Hercules said taking out a clipboard. Alexander tilted his head in confusion, had he brought that in here with him? Did he just have clipboards lying around? Where did it come from?

 

“Alexander you first”he said and uncapped a pen. Alright now where did that come from-he quickly shook his head and ran a hand through his hair trying to get his mind to focus.

 

“I was thinking high tea at the plaza hotel,they always want an excuse to wear their tea dresses so this is the perfect one”he said. Hercules nodded satisfied with his answer.

 

“John?”he asked.

 

“I’m gonna call them in sick to work, then I’m gonna make them breakfast in bed an take ‘em up to Times Square. I went to a jewelers when y’all were at work and got ‘em a little forever ring...just to show that even when I’m being a dick I still care”he said shrugging his shoulders.

 

“That’s very thoughtful of you John, so we’ve got tea at the plaza and a day on the town”Hercules said jotting it down.

 

“What have you got planned you hopeless romantic lover boy?”Alexander teased batting his lashes. Hercules rolled his eyes and leaned over pressing a kiss to his partner’s cheek.

 

“Well I um handmade them this little black dress and I was gonna take them out to an LGBTQ black tie gala thing that’s being hosted in Albany”he said.

 

“Hercules that’s so sweet of you, you always come up with the best presents”Alexander praised. Hercules felt himself blush and ducked his head down covering his face.

 

“I-it’s nothing really, I just want them to have the best birthday ever. I’d do that for all of you”He said. Alexander couldn’t help but feel a little giddy for when his birthday came up, Hercules did come up with the best presents.

 

“Honestly Herc you’re a saint, You need to be loved on a lot more in this relationship!”Alex declared and threw himself on Hercules lap.

 

“I second that!”John said pushed Alexander to the side taking up Hercules lap. It started off as joking but the two genuinely ended up sparring for the spot.

 

“It’s mine!”John huffed and nudged Alexander with his hips.

 

“No it’s mine!”Alex hissed and dug his blunt fingernails into John’s thigh.

 

“You bitch-“

 

“Hey hey hey!”Hercules exclaimed trying to raise his voice above the arguing. The two immediately fell silent and looked up at him with doe eyes, it must be serious because he never raises his voice.

 

“There’s enough of my lap for both of you, I mean you two are tiny”he teased.

 

“Oh please, Alexander is tiny”John said.

 

“Calm your ego Andre the giant, you’re only half an inch taller than me”Alexander said rolling his eyes.

 

“Alex the doctors told you they miscalculated the half inch, it’s not there baby. You are 5ft 8in”He said said slowly.

 

“I call bullshit but go off”Alexander said.

 

“Oh I will go off henny”John said. They both looked at each other and cackled leaning against each other.

 

“You both worry me”Hercules said.

 

Alexander rolled his eyes and kissed his cheek.

 

“If you keep rolling your eyes like that they’ll get stuck in the back of your head”John said.

 

“Good then I won’t have to see your ugly mug”

 

“Who the fuck are you calling ugly you shortstack emo caffeine addicted kitten?”John asked raising an eyebrow. Hercules watched in mild horror as Alexander’s face went red.

 

“You said if bestiality was legal you would fuck a turtle”he deadpanned. John’s face flooded scarlet.

 

“I was literally on ecstasy when we had this conversation!”He exclaimed throwing his hands up.

 

“You wha-ya know what? The banter between you two is a bit much for me”Hercules said beginning to sit up. The two boys whined and begged him to stay promising to cool it.

 

They sat in silence for a little while before Hercules cleared his throat.

 

“John?”he asked.

 

“Yes papa?”John said lifting his head up.

 

“Hey, I’m papa!”Alex whined. Hercules rolled his eyes and began rocking the chair.

 

“Have you really done ecstasy?”He asked.

 

John nodded and rubbed the back of his neck.

 

“Ya see it’s a long story...”

 

 


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sort of a filler/my children need a break chapter  
> Casual writing isn’t my specialty so sorry if this is awkward! I promise this book isn’t going downhill, there’s more drama and good natured angst to come

“So you did abuse drugs?”Hercules said slowly. John nodded and shrugged wrapping his arms around himself.

 “I was young and stupid, in my defense it was fun-“he said redirecting his sentence once he saw the look on Hercules face.

“...at the time, it was fun at the time”he corrected and gave a cheeky grin. Hercules waved him off and wiggles in the rocking chair, it would barely move now.

 

“I think we’re exceeding the weight limit for this thing”he mumbled. Alexander gasped and placed a hand over his chest offended.

 

“Are you calling us fat?”He asked. Hercules rolled his eyes and ruffled up Alexander’s hair.

 

“You both know you’re not fat”he said.

 

John smirked and rubbed his hands together.

 

“Yeah the only thing fat about you is that as-“

 

“ _Mon amours_!”Lafayette cried out banging on the door. The three jumped in surprise, Alexander took a tumble and hit the soft carpet limbs sprawled all over.

 

“Oh fuck”he groaned and rolled over onto his stomach trying to relieve the pain.

 

“Is your boys talk done now? I wanna come in!”They whined and pulled at the door knob.

 

“Hold on a sec gorgeous”Hercules said and pushed John off of his lap. John squeaked and joined Alex in the pile of limbs while Hercules unlocked the door.

 

“You assholes!”Lafayette huffed and stomped into the room throwing down a bag. There was something different about them, new shoes? Alexander looked down to see them rocking a pair of floral doc martins, they’ve had them for years so next. His eyes trailed up to the tight jeans that clung to their thighs, though it was an appealing sight they’ve had those jeans forever. The cardigan was out of the question because it was Hercules. What was different about them?

 

They turned to face the window opening it and Alexander’s jaw dropped, oh now he knew. Once the sun hit their hair he realized there was a major difference. it was dark brown with a chestnut ombré, that is definitely not how they left the house a few hours ago. Alexander subconsciously perked up suddenly very aware of the situation.

 

“Laf...your hair”he breathed out. Lafayette turned to face him and smiled playing with it. That caught the attention of John and Hercules who had similar reactions. That was the most expressive Alexander had seen Hercules in a long time, he looked cartoonish. His jaw was agape and his eyes were wide as saucers.

 

“Thomas treated me to an early birthday present...do you like it?”They asked shifting in place.

 

“Will your curl pattern be ‘aight from the bleaching and shit?”John asked. Hercules snorted, of course that was John’s concern.

 

“Of course, trust me that was my first question but he took me to a curly hair specific salon so I trust it. That’s where he goes to get his hair dyed and the people were so lovely!”They gushed clasping their hands together.

 

“Well as long as the curls are all good it’s a hell yes from me cause damn baby! Do a little spin for me, I want a 360 view!”He said jumping to his feet. Lafayette giggled a little flustered and spun around fluffing up their hair. John hummed in approval and pulled out his phone opening the camera.

 

“We’re doing a photo shoot right here right now! Give me attitude!”he barked and kneeled trying to get the perfect angle. Lafayette gasped and covered their mouth shaking their head.

 

“Oh John I’m not camera ready-“

 

“Shut up you’re always camera ready, give me sexy!”He commanded.

 

“Well...if I must”Lafayette said and immediately struck a pose. They looked over their shoulder and let the forest green cardigan slouch a bit showing off their collar bones. John licked his lips and snapped the photo, he spewed out a few commands and had to stop himself before things got too lewd. Lafayette now had stripped from the waist up, the cardigan draped over their shoulder.

 

“Fucking hell beautiful, alright now give me innocent!”He exclaimed laying down on the floor and holding the camera up. Lafayette gently bit their finger and grinned, from John’s angle it was nothing short of erotic. The sun caught their eyes in a speech rendering contrast, the usual chill of their glare was softened by the soft yellow rays. John wiped at the corner of his mouth to check if he was drooling.

 

“Why are you staring?”Laf said quietly bringing him back to reality. He blinked slowly and grinned jumping to his feet.

 

“Will you model for me again sometime?”He asked.

 

“I’m always willing to model for you John”They said.

 

“Good because dear god Laf you looked angelic”He breathed. Lafayette rolled their eyes and pushed at his chest.

 

“Oh please John, you’re just saying that because you’re my partner”They said.

 

“I wouldn’t be your partner if I didn’t think you were downright gorgeous”He said cupping Laf’s cheek. He let out a deep breath and shuddered letting the pads of his fingers trail across the rough stubble.

 

“I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, you’re unearthly. I never express my religion but I think you’re heaven sent”He continued barely above a whisper. He was aware of the others in the room but vulnerability like that was meant only for the one he was addressing.

 

Lafayette smiled and leaned into John’s touch.

 

“You’re beautiful as well John, so beautiful...”They said. John blushed at the attention and ducked his head.

 

“Quit messing with me”he mumbled.

 

“No, I don’t think I will”They said running a hand through his hair. John keened at the touch and pressed against Laf’s chest.

 

“Aww y’all are bein real cute but this is a four-way relationship so share ‘em!”Alexander said and grabbed Lafayette’s arm pulling them into his arms.

 

“Man the one time I try to be sweet...”John mumbled and shook his head.

 

“It’s okay John you can be sweet on me”Hercules said earnestly. John couldn’t help but chuckle at how serious he sounded.

 

“Alright Daddy Herc, it’s time to shower you in compliments”he said and sat on Hercules’ lap. Hercules stiffened and gripped John’s hip tightly.

 

“Call me daddy like that one more time and I’m gonna fuck you”he said calmly. John almost choked on his spit and looked at Hercules incredulously.

 

“You never to fail to surprise me”John said.

 

Hercules shrugged and trailed his hand up John’s shirt.

 

“It’s what I’m best at”He said.

 

“You’re good at a lot of things, you’re a good listener,you give good advice,you’re good with your hands...”John said intertwining their fingers.

 

 

“Honestly Laf I think it looks amazing, it blends so nicely they did such a good job!”Alexander rambled bouncing in place.Lafayette chuckled and wrapped an arm around Alex’s tiny frame.

 

“I’m glad my kitten likes it”They said. Alexander lifted his head up proudly and nuzzled into Laf’s side.

 

“Do you want me to pet you?”They said amusedly.

 

“Oh god yes!”Alex panted and pushed Laf onto the teddy bear crawling into their lap.

 

“You are one of the most take charge subs I have ever met”They mused.

 

“I’m a switch but go off”he said quirking a brow.

 

“Saying ‘but go off’ doesn’t make you hip Lexi sorry!”John quipped swatting at Hercules wandering hand.

 

“Mind your business my dearest Laurens!”he chirped.

 

“I will have you know you and Lafayette are my business but go off”John said with a smirk.

 

“You dare steal my word!”Alex exclaimed.

 

“Shhh down kitten”Lafayette crooned softly. There’s not a word to describe the mental switch but he soon became putty in Laf’s hands. In an instance he had forgotten about the argument he tried to start and he purred softly as laf scratched the sweet spot at the nape of his neck.

 

“He’s a literal kitten with the attention span of a goldfish”Hercules mumbled. John snorted and nodded in agreement. He needed to sit next to Hercules more often, the man had serious clapbacks.

 

 

 

 

 


	30. Chapter 30

“Alexander...can you please let us in?”Hercules asked softly. It was bound to happen, with the stress of Washington’s expectations and the petty encounters with burr he snapped. Today had been one of the suckiest days he’s ever experienced and he had to watch his boyfriends face on the news with the caption _wanted murderer captured and behind bars_.

 

He had to catch the subway to work because both of the cars were being used, John had woken up late as well so there was no breakfast on the table. It was raining and by the time he’d figured it out he was already on the train, speaking of that damned train it had broken down half way there and he was suck underground for a half hour. It was pretty mundane to most people who frequented the train but it was terrifying to him. The slow scrape of the train stopping in the tunnel and just complete stillness, he almost had an anxiety attack. When he finally got to work he was soaking wet,covered in coffee and shaking like a chihuahua. He only got a disappointment click of the tongue from Washington and was forced to sit in front of a furnace to dry off evidently missing one of the biggest meetings of his career.

 

The day was a shit show of arguing with Burr until there was one blow too low and now he sat in his office on suspension. He banged his head against he desk and groaned. There’s been shit hurled his way his entire life why couldn’t he take this one comment?

 

_“Arron I’m going to be frank with you, this is shit evidence to prove Levi Weeks guilty”he said sliding the paper back across the desk._

_“Sir”Burr corrected gruffly._

_“There’s not need to call me sir, Burr”he said slickly. The woman who worked in the cubicle next to his stifled a giggle and quickly began typing to drown out the sound._

_“Harry Potter reference? I thought you were wittier than to stoop to the levels of fiction for your jabs”he snarled. Alexander rolled his eyes._

_“If the shoe fits, you put your foot in it don’t you?”He asked._

_“That’s an obvious analogy”Burr said._

_“But you calling it an analogy means the comparison was clear and concise”he said sharply, god he was starting to lose his temper. He bit his lip and counted down from ten bouncing in place._

_“What’s gotten you so jumpy Hamilton, haven’t taken your pills?”Burr quipped._

_Alexander rolled his eyes and opened his brief case starting to take out a different plan._

_“You know, I thought your mother would have taught you better. When someone asks you a question you answer it”he continued with a smirk. Alexander’s nostrils flared._

_“You don’t know jack shit about my mother, just read the shit!”he spat and threw the paper down on the desk._

_“But I do know one thing”Aaron said. Alexander folded his arms and tapped his foot glaring daggers, he wouldn’t dare._

_“At least I got to say goodbye to mine”_

_That was the final straw, before he knew it him and burr were practically parallels. He heard the shouting before he realized what he was doing, he had just poured scalding hot coffee on his enemy’s lap._

_“What is the meaning of this!” Washington’s voice boomed from around the corner. He immediately shrunk in on himself and dropped the ceramic cup._

_“M-Mr.Washington Sir!”_

 

He groaned louder and ran his hand through his hand pulling out the hair tie. There was no use for it anyways, his hair was already half way out of it sticking to his sweaty face. He had drafted many apology emails to Burr but he kept scraping them because they seemed forced. Yes he was sorry for pouring coffee on him but he wasn’t sorry about the intention behind it.

 

“Fuck!”He screamed and banged his fist on the desk, he was so close to throwing his laptop against the wall. He could spare a thousand or so dollars on a new one. He stroked his chin, it might even be cathartic.

 

“Alexander...”Hercules said again gently knocking on the door.

 

“ _No hablo inglés, vuelve más tarde_ ”He said agitated.

 

“ _Él no puede hablar español, pero yo sí_ ”John chimed in. Alexander groaned and bit his lip hard, of course John was at the door with him.

 

“ _Désolé je ne parle pas l'espagnol_ ”he said weakly.

 

“ _Le jour de chance pour vous parce que je parle le français_ ”Lafayette said softly. Alexander’s bottom lip quivered and he sniffled resting his head on the desk, why couldn’t they just leave him the fuck alone?

 

“Just go away!”He croaked.

“I can’t do this right now, just leave me alone!”he sobbed sliding out the chair still clinging desperately to the desk. No no, he couldn’t do this right now. He had to write the apology email to burr, save his job...his legacy. He had to make up for not being able to say goodbye, he had to make his mother proud. He crawled under the desk and pulled his knees up to his chest scratching at his arms, it felt like Burr’s words had imprinted themselves onto his skin.

 

“Alexander!”John said urgently and fiddled with the lock, no no this could not be happening again.

 

“Don’t just stand there! Get me a fuckin bobby pin or something!”he barked. Lafayette jumped and quickly pulled the one out of their hair that held back their fringe. John mumbled a short apology and twisted the bobby pin jamming it into the keyhole.

 

“Come on!”he demanded jiggling the bobby pin around. _Come on come on come on_ -

“Fuck!”he screamed and threw the bobby pin to the ground cursing at it.

 

“I’m busting the fucking door down”he and backed away from him.

 

“Hey easy there linebacker!”Hercules snapped scooping him up. John’s nostrils flared in aggravation and he kicked his legs demanding to be let down.

 

“I’m not letting you down! This would be the second time within a few months that you’ve busted open doors! enough is enough John!”he exclaimed. His voice boomed throughout the house, John immediately quit his struggling and slid out of Hercules arms planting himself in front of the door.

 

“I’m not leaving this door”he said. Hercules rubbed his face and fidgeted with his hands.

 

“You know Alexander doesn’t like to be bothered when he’s like this”he said.

 

“Fuck what he likes, this is what he needs”John said as his eyes glazed over, he shook his head quickly and wiped his eyes. Fuck he was tired of crying, he’s cried more in this past summer than he has in his entire life.

 

“John-“

 

“He could be hurting himself Hercules.”he said firmly.

“When he gets really anxious he scratches himself, he doesn’t mean to but it still happens”He said. Hercules groaned and Lafayette’s eyes widened.

 

“Bust the door open John”He whispered in defeat.

 

“Gladly”John said and stood up. He lifted his leg up and pulled it back kicking at the door a few times, one final kick and the door was swung wide open.

 

“Alexander!”John shouted. Half of his torso hung out of the open window, no screen, no balcony to protect him. Just a three story fall down onto the concrete.

 

“M-my mother! I want my mother!”He sobbed. John sighed and paced over to the window grabbing Alexander around the waist, the man didn’t even fight it.

 

“Hercules close that damn window, superglue it,bolt it,remove it, I don’t give a damn just make sure it doesn’t open again”He said firmly and carried Alexander to the bedroom. He was far out of practice with breakdowns of this nature.

 

“My legacy...”Alexander mumbled. John rolled his eyes and laid him on the bed climbing in next to him.

 

“We’re your legacy Alexander, isn’t this enough?”He said. Alexander didn’t respond and he sighed rolling over onto his side, whoever made Alex like this had to pay. He hadn’t seen his partner so worked up about his ‘legacy’ in over ten years, why was it just coming up now?

 

“Alexander, who did this to you?”he asked calmly.

 

“Burr, said stuff ‘bout my mother”he mumbled and clung to the duvet, the satin soothed his raw skin.

 

“Baby did you hurt yourself?”John asked.

 

Alexander nodded and he sighed rolling back over facing the smaller man.

 

“Arms or legs?”He asked.

 

“Arms”Alex mumbled.

 

“Gimme”John murmured. Alexander lifted his arms from under the duvet and gasped at the feather light kisses that were littered across his arms.

 

“We do not hurt ourselves, there’s alternatives. We made a promise Alexander, if I stopped you had to as well”he said firmly. Alexander whimpered like a kicked puppy and John wrapped him up in his arms kissing his head.

 

“I know you don’t mean to baby, you should start seeing your therapist again”he said. Alexander nodded and buried his face into John’s chest, a sign that he was done talking. John hummed softly, Alexander’s heart skipped a bit. It was a song that John had written for him in prison.

 

“I’ll only sing for you, darling you’re my only muse”he mumbled, it was gruff and he barely remembered the melody but the meaning was still there.

 

“My honey love yes it’s true, you make me smile like the sky is blue...”he mumbled trailing off. Alexander cracked a smile, now he was remembering how this little song went. It was a song to get him to smile, he still has the original sheet of paper with the lyrics and the chords on it. His John was a musical genius despite this silly little number.

 

“When sky’s are grey and I’m in dismay you brighten up my day...”John mumbled and kissed his forehead.

 

“You’re my...”he started and paused for effect.

 

“John no”Alex whined softly.

 

“Darling,Baby, my Honey love lovey lovey lovey! Remix!”John shouted and tickled Alexander’s side.

 

“No John no remix!”He squealed.

 

John took a deep breath.

“Sólo cantaré para ti, querida eres mi única Musa!-“he started but a hand was clamped over his mouth and Alexander has murder in his eyes.

 

“Sleep. I’m tired.”He said. John rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms back around him.

 

“Fine cranky pants”He said. Alexander snuggled back into his side and John hummed a different song soothing the boy.

 

Hercules and Lafayette spent a little over an hour in Alexander’s study placing safety locks on the windows. It took a long trip to over five stories to find safety locks with key holes but they did at Target, moral of the story is everything is found at target. Only Lafayette held the key to the windows and made it an unspoken rule that they had to be present whenever it was opened.

 

“That was so sudden...”They mumbled to themself and screwed the last lock into place. If they hadn’t barged in Alexander would have surely jumped, what would they do without him? Their relationship would be torn apart, mangled. John would be ruined, violent and snappy leading to arguments with Lafayette and oh the poor strain on Herc-They shook their head trying to get rid of those thoughts. Alexander didn’t jump so there’s no need to worry, they got there just in time.

 

“Come on Laf, it’s been a long day. We should get to bed”Hercules said. Lafayette went to argue but they were thrown over Hercules shoulder.

 

“You use your height to your advantage you bully”They mumbled.

 

“I sure do”Hercules chuckled.

 

“What you did earlier was amazing...never seen you so...eh what is word? _autoritaire_ ”They mumbled.

 

“I know when to put my foot down sometimes, I’m not always soft”he said.

 

“ _très_ hot”Laf mumbled.

 

“Alright sleepyhead, lets get you to bed”he said opening the bedroom door.

 

“We should...sex”They mumbled curling up as Hercules laid them next to John.

 

“You should go to sleep, maybe in the morning Love”He said and crawled into bed next to Alexander. He pulled out his phone and watched the three for a while making sure they were dead asleep before he finally rested.

 

Thank god they had gotten to him in time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No hablo inglés, vuelve más tarde-I don’t speak English, come back later  
> Él no puede hablar español, pero yo sí-he can’t speak Spanish but I do  
> Désolé je ne parle pas l'espagnol-sorry I don’t speak Spanish  
> Le jour de chance pour vous parce que je parle le français-Lucky day for you, I speak French  
> autoritaire-authoritative


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so short, I literally wrote it in the middle of class. Also comment and references you may see

“Good mornin!”Alex said strutting into the kitchen. Hercules and Lafayette sat at the table as John served them. He was pretty damn proud of himself, he had made a full home style breakfast.

 

“Alexander sit down, we need to have a talk”Hercules said looking up from his phone.

 

Alexander sighed and ran a hand through his hair trying to finger comb through the knots.

 

“Guys if this is about yesterday then I’m f-“

 

“Sit. Down.”Lafayette hissed banging their cup of coffee on the table. Despite being exhausted they slept restlessly the night prior. There was just something about watching your partner almost jump out of a window that did things to you.

 

Alexander quickly took a seat at the table and put his head down in submission. He felt ashamed. He was used to getting chewed out by John for his self destructive habits, hell for a good portion of his life that’s all he heard. Hearing it come from Lafayette was a different kind of pain, one he hadn’t become numb to.

 

“Now I want you to explain everything that happened yesterday from the moment you got home to when...you know”They said. Alex nodded and quietly requested a cup of coffee.

 

“Sir yes sir”John said sarcastically dusting his hands off on his apron.

 

“I had a really bad commute to work...I got stuck in a heavy downpour. I went to Dunkin to try and make myself feel better with a coffee but I-I spilled it on myself...”he started. He busied his shaky hands pulling at the fabric of the seat pillow. He felt like a failure, he couldn’t do anything right.

 

“Washington made me skip the meeting because I was wet and shaking...not even in the good way”he sighed. John stifled a giggle and placed his coffee in front of him. Hazelnut coffee, two tea spoons of sugar and a generous amount of cream.

 

“Thank you, anyways he had me sit next to the furnace down the hall by the cubicles. It was torture, I could hear everything going on but but I wasn’t a part of it. I just wanted to be in the room where it happens”he said. Hercules nodded thoughtfully.

 

“After all that went down I had to talk to Burr about a plan of action for the company. You all know how much I despise that man”he said. They nodded collectively, John manned the stove.

 

“Eggs?”John asked. Alex quickly shook his head and took another sip of his coffee. John narrowed his eyes and Alex mouthed _later_. In John’s eyes that was a definite promise.

 

“Basically he talked a lot of shit which I’m used to but he brought up my mother which pissed me off”he said digging his nails into the seat pillow.

 

Lafayette’s soft eyes hardened and they crossed their arms over their chest.

 

“What did he say Alexander?”They said cooly. It was phrased like a question but the severity behind it implied it was a demand.

 

Alex remained quiet and clenched his fist, he shouldn’t have said anything. He should have just sucked it up and took it out on himself later. Now Lafayette was mad and it was all his fault, everything was his fault. The hurricane, he left his brother god he missed his mother buried in Nevis why did he leave her-

 

“Alexander”Lafayette said snapping a hand in front of his eyes. He blinked a few times and ran a hand through his hair.

 

“What did he say.”Lafayette asked bluntly. There was no beat to it, not even the melodic crooning that swept Alexander off of his feet. It was cold and hollow, this wasn’t his Lafayette speaking.

 

“He um...he said he thought my mother would have taught me better. I said he doesn’t know jack shit about my mother and he...he said at least he got to say goodbye to his mother”he breathed out.

 

Hercules reached over and placed a gentle hand on top of his. He expected to conversation to end there but he kept talking.

 

“My mother’s name was Rachel, Rachel Faucette Buck and she was an Angel. I was born in Charlestown of Nevis-“he started.

 

“Alexander you know you don’t have to-“Lafayette started but Alexander raised a hand silencing them.

 

“I was born in Charlestown of Nevis out of wedlock. My father wasn’t around, I was a bastard. It was just me,my brother and my mother. She did what she could for us but we were so poor...so fucking poor”He sniffled gripping onto the seat of the chair.

 

“I didn’t even realize how dirt poor we were because she made sure we were taken care of. She loved James and I so fiercely that I felt like we were royalty, money meant nothing to me at the time...”he said. John slid into the seat next to him and rubbed his back.

 

“We all got sick with yellow fever, we were sick and she was holding me...she was singing to me. I made her promise me that she wouldn’t die...that she would get better and take me to the seaside, we would have a picnic and watch the waves crash against the shore”he said.

 

“I made her promise that once she got better she would take me to the big church in the middle of town and play the piano...I loved the piano...”he continued.

 

Lafayette felt their heart sink to the bottom of their chest. Alexander spoke with so much admiration,so much hope and they both knew how this story ended.

 

“She died. I moved in with my cousin, he committed suicide...left me with nothing. The village found out eventually that I was living alone and they found the money to send me here. Pitiful Alexander Hamilton they would say, bastard orphan and son of a whore”He spat bitterly. He took a deep breath and laid his head on the table.

 

“Thank you for telling us Alexander, I will deal with Burr accordingly”Lafayette said briskly and stood up from the table.

 

“Babe don’t you mean we-“Hercules started.

 

“Am I speaking my native tongue right now? No? Didn’t think so. I said what I said”Lafayette said and stormed off to the bedroom.

 

“Laf we need to talk about this!”John exclaimed. There was silence for a few moments and he sighed in aggravation. The bedroom door swung open and Lafayette emerged fully dressed their purse slung over their shoulder.

 

“I am dealing with burr and that is final!”They shouted and walked out the front door slamming it. They were in such a hurry they left their keys in the key dish.

 

Burr was going to pay and it would be in blood.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you all think about Alexander finally spilling the beans about his life story? What about Lafayette’s reaction? Leave a comment about what you think is next to come!


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi this is literally the shortest chapter ever and I’m sorry but I swear there’s more good stuff to come

“Lafayette!”Burr greeted standing up from his desk, he held out his hand in greeting. Lafayette turned their nose up and straightened up locking their shoulders. Burr seemingly shrunk under their hard gaze, Lafayette smirked. They have him right where they want him.

 

“Gilbert”They said sharply. Aaron lowered his hand slowly furrowing his brows.

 

“What?”He asked softly.

 

“My name is Gilbert, Lafayette is what my friends call me”They said.

 

“Gilbert I’m not understanding, you and I are cool...aren’t we?”He asked.

 

“I’m not ‘cool’ with people who bring up my boyfriend’s dead mother.”They said. Aaron looked as if he had seen a ghost, his mouth fell agape.

 

“Oh Gilbert, I think you’ve mistaken our friendly banter-“

 

“Cut the shit Aaron, ‘friendly banter’ doesn’t make people have a breakdown and try to jump out of a window”They said. Aaron’s face fell even further and he brought his hand up to cover his mouth.

 

“I’m so so-“

 

“Cut the fucking shit, you know damn well how words affect people. You can be sorry now, but sorry won’t erase what you’ve said and what it’s done!”They exclaimed. A few heads turned but the glare they sent quickly turned the heads back to their rightful position.

 

“Gilbert, there is no reason to be hostile in my work environment.”He said carefully. Lafayette chuckled and crossed their arms.

 

“Then let’s take this outside because I am not done with you”They said.

 

“Hit me.”Burr said. Lafayette raised an eyebrow and shrugged pulling up the sleeves on their shirt.

 

“But just to let you know if you do assault me at my place of work Alexander can lose his job and wouldn’t that be throwing all of his hard work?”He said.

 

“You wouldn’t dare burr”Lafayette sneered.

 

“Oh but I would, if you couldn’t already tell I don’t play fair”he said regaining his confidence. Lafayette weighed the pros and cons, did Alexander really need this job? It was his dream job, he’s been dreaming of working with Mr Washington since he stepped foot on American soil.

 

Lafayette grabbed the mug on Aaron’s desk and slammed it against the wall watching it shatter into fragments.

 

“T-tha-“

 

“That’s not assault is it? It’s destruction ofpersonal property and if you knew what was good for you you wouldn’t take a matter this petty to Washington or to court. How would that reflect on you Aaron?”They said.

 

Aaron took a shaky breath and gripped the side of his desk.

 

“What I just did to that mug will get done to you if you keep pestering Alexander. Keep it professional.”They said.

 

“Are you threatening me Gilbert?”Aaron asked.

 

“Hm, it appears I am. Have a great day Aaron and watch your step, ceramic is a bitch to step on”They said and swiftly walked down the hall and out of the building.


	33. Chapter 33

“Lafayette you didn’t”Alexander groaned slamming his head on the table. He would never hear the end of this when he returned to work next week.

 

“I did what I had to do, my job as your partner is to protect you”Lafayette taking the seat across from him.

 

“I don’t need you fighting my battles for me”he said. Lafayette rolled their eyes and ran a hand through their hair wincing at the tangles.

 

“I was just trying to protect you Alexander...if you really don’t like me meddling I will stay out of it”They sighed in defeat.

 

“...did you really threaten him?”Alex asked quietly.

 

Lafayette nodded their head in confusion.

 

“Yeah, I told you what I said”

 

“You’re just such a sweet person that...I’m not even angry anymore, just surprised”he said.

 

Lafayette rolled their eyes.

 

“I can be threatening if I need to Alexander, I uh how you say? Struck the fear of god into burr”they said proudly. Alexander snickered at the thought of burr cowering in fear and trembling like a leaf.

 

“I’m actually really proud of you Laf, thank you for sticking up for me...always”Alexander said taking Lafayette’s hand.

 

“Anytime my love, now will you tell me about your _mère_? I was a little too angry to be a good listener earlier”They said. Alexander nodded enthusiastically.

 

“Of course, I really love talking about her!”he said. The sound of footsteps were heard from down the hall, John and Hercules threw themselves into chairs around the dining room table.

 

“We would like to hear the story of the famous Rachel”John said. Hercules nodded his head quickly.

 

“The more the merrier!”Alexander cried out. He leaned in close and painted the picture for them.

 

“When I was a kid I was the definition of a mama’s boy. She was my anchor,my rock and my superhero. In my eyes she couldn’t do anything wrong, I still stand by that to this day”he said.

 

“She worked as a bartender and would bust her ass day in and day out. Her sister suggested she send me to a factory so I could start pulling my weight but my ma...she got pissed. She said it was her job to provide for me and not the other way around”he said and chuckled. The look on his aunts face that day was more than priceless.

 

“God my Ma did so much for me. Made sure I went to school, my hair was always combed, my uniform was always pressed and starched. She would wake me up early in the morning to watch the sunrise...”he said staring off fondly.

 

_“Alexander”Rachel cooed softly shaking the boy’s shoulders. It took a few moments to rouse him but when he finally awoke his eyes sparkled with excitement._

_“Good morning mama!”he exclaimed standing up and wrapping his arms around her hips. She chuckled softly and bent down picking the small boy up resting him on her hip._

_“Good morning sweetheart, did you sleep well?”she asked brushing the boyish bangs out of his face. He nodded fiercely and she sighed softly as it all toppled back over his eyes._

_“Are we gonna watch the sun mama?”he asked. She nodded and sat him on the rickety dining room table. He kicked his feet humming softly as she walked to her sleeping mat. He looked closely, she was holding something behind her back._

_“Today is a very special sunrise, can you guess why?”she asked. He pondered for a few moments and shook his head quickly._

_“Tell me mama!”he exclaimed._

_“You’re six years old today! Happy birthday Alexander!”she said holding out a small wooden train. It was the exact one they had seen walking into town last Sunday on the way to church._

_“I’m six? how did that happen? I was just five”he said in confusion. She chuckled fondly and ran a hand through his hair._

_“You won’t stay five forever silly, every year you have a birthday which makes you a year older”she explained. He nodded slowly and reached out for the toy train._

_“But what if I don’t wanna be older?”he asked pouting._

_“Oh Alexander, you’re going to get older whether you want to or not. That’s just how time works”she said. He frowned and threw the toy train to the ground. He jumped off the table and gripped onto her dress burying his face into the fabric._

_“I’m not your baby anymore!”He wailed. Rachel furrowed her brows and bent down hastily wiping his tears. It warmed her heart and broke it to see him so upset over a silly matter._

_“Hush Alexander, you will always be my baby no matter how old you get. It doesn’t matter if you’re six or sixty”she cooed rubbing his back. He hiccuped and and rubbed his eyes trying to stop the tears._

_“I just love you mama!”He exclaimed gripping onto her dress tighter. She settled on the ground and pulled him into her lap rocking him gently. Looking around at the one room house she sighed, this was no place to raise a child._

_“And I love you Alexander, so much”she softly. He nodded and buried his face into her chest, he soon began to calm. The boy soon fell asleep and she watched as the sun peaked through the window. Sunrises happened everyday but moments like this only happened once in a lifetime._

_“You deserve the world Alexander and I will make sure you get it...even if it kills me”she said softly and kissed his forehead._

_How had she been blessed with such a bright and caring child? She was sure the lord had given him to the wrong family. He didn’t deserve to grow up here, he would never make it any farther than down the block. He was too smart for this village, hell this island. It only limited him, he excelled in all of his classes and for what? To graduate high school and become a tradesman? Maybe a merchant if he was lucky._

_“One day I’m going to find the money and we’ll move to America, live the dream. I’ll buy us a big grand piano and I’ll take you to see a movie”she whispered._

_“We’ll live comfortably, food on the table, a bed to sleep in. You’ll have a room and toys, a tv and new clothes. I wouldn’t have to break my back all day and you’ll go to college...you’ll make me so proud”she whispered. At this point she wasn’t sure who this dreaming was really for anymore._

 

He felt a warmth wash over his body and he smiled leaning back against the chair. He could hear her sweet voice calling for him. Out of the corner of his eye he glanced at the window and for just a second he saw the bobbing of blonde curls. The swishing Of the one dress she owned, he remembered it well. It used to be pink but from the amount of altering and patching it was practically a quilt.

 

“Flashback?”John asked.

“Yeah, really good flashback. God the thirteen years I spent with her...that’s something I’m gonna cherish until I see her again”he said softly. Only thirteen years, that’s twenty-two years his mothers been gone. Twenty-two years since he’s seen her face but he could never forget it. It was etched into his memory for all eternity, god he couldn’t wait until he got to see her again.

 

“You guys would have loved her, especially you Lafayette. French was here’s and my native tongue”he said. Lafayette smiled sadly and wiped a stray tear that had slid down their face. Seeing Alexander speak with such passion moved them in ways unimaginable.

 

”oh no, now you got Laf crying Mr. I’m an amazing son. You got any funny stories from Nevis before I cry too?”John asked. Alexander brightened up at the praise and nodded his head rubbing Lafayette’s arm.

 

”Of course I do, I was a terrible child”he said chuckling. God the first few years of his life he gave Rachel such a hard time.

 

 “Okay so there I was running butt naked in the middle of Nevis, I couldn’t be any older than five...”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is no logical reason I should be crying over Rachel Faucette but here I am


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys this is part 1 of the Lafayette’s birthday extravaganza. This was originally supposed to one long chapter but I realized if I wrote it all In one chapter it would without a doubt be over 7,000 words so for your sanity and mine I decided it was best to split it into a two parter. I hope you enjoy and as usual leave a comment if did because I love reading them!

“Laf...Laf...”Hercules said poking his partner’s cheek. Lafayette groaned and buried their face deeper into the pillow. The poking only persisted causing them to growl. They quickly sat up and grabbed Hercules hand squeezing it hard.

 

“The fuck do you want!”They hissed barely opening their eyes. Hercules pulled his hand away and smiled cheekily.

 

“Guess what today is baby?”He asked.

 

“I don’t fuckin know!”Lafayette whined and flopped back down on the pillow. They didn’t know what time it was but by the looks of the room it was too early to be awake.

 

Hercules climbed on top of them and smothered them.

 

“Hmm would you be willing to take a guess lovely?”He asked planting gentle kisses on their neck. Lafayette let out a sigh of pleasure and turned their head to the side exposing their neck more.

 

“Mmm I dunno”Lafayette mumbled.

 

“Well honey I’ll be so gracious to tell you”Hercules crooned scraping his teeth over their sweet spot. Lafayette gasped softly and arched their back off the bed.

 

“It appears to be September 3rd which is the beginning of your birthday week. If you haven’t guessed I’m first this year”He said wiggling his eyebrows. Lafayette propped themself up on the pillow and furrowed their brows.

 

“It’s September already?”They asked. Hercules nodded and ran his finger across their bottom lip.

 

“You’re so beautiful...”He whispered. Lafayette nodded their head slowly.

 

“Mhm, tell me something I don’t know Mulligan”They teased.

 

“You have an abundance of patience that’s almost inhumane. You’re willing to take on whatever role you’re given and you do it with honor and dignity. You have such an important job, I don’t even think you realize how much of a superhero you are”He said. Lafayette stared back at him completely stunned.

 

“I...”They were rendered speechless.

 

“Alexander is not the only one who is good with words”He teased. Lafayette shoved his shoulders and chuckled.

 

“I love you so much Hercules”They said.

 

“I love you too Lafayette. There’s so much more I want to say to you but that’ll have to wait until tonight”he said with a wink.

 

“Wait, what’s happening tonight?” Lafayette asked furrowing their brows.

 

“I may or may not have gotten us tickets for the LGBTQ gala in Albany”he said trailing his fingers up and down Lafayette’s arm.

 

“ _Mon dieu_!”They gasped flying up into a seated positioned. They gripped onto Hercules shoulders and shook the man silly.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me! I don’t even have a dress to wear! Oh god I’ll have to wear a suite!-“They cried. Hercules places a finger to their lip silencing them immediately.

 

“Settle petal, I’ve gotten it all figured out. Let’s just say I haven’t been taking on any extra customers for a reason”he said and winked.

 

“Hercules what did you do?”They asked crossing their arms.

 

“Oh calm down birthday queen I know what I did and that’s all that matters. Now do you wanna get up now or go back to sleep for a few hours? It’s almost 5:00am”He said. Lafayette quickly checked the clock and gasped.

 

“Hercules Mulligan it is 4:47am!”They screeched. John rolled over and slapped their shoulder mumbling for them to shut the fuck up. They blushed and muttered a quiet apology but still narrowed their eyes at the man.

 

“Why did you wake me up so early?”They whispered.

 

“Because princess, you were born around 4am. I thought it was fitting”He shrugged.

 

“Hercules my birthday isn’t for three days”They said.

 

“I know, we do this every year Lafayette. Shouldn’t be anything new to you, now sleep or up?”He asked.

 

“Definitely sleep”Lafayette said and laid back down. Hercules pried Alexander’s hands-which were freezing-off of Lafayette’s waist and crawled in next to them.

 

“No wonder Alexander steals you at night, you’re a fucking furnace”Hercules said quietly. Lafayette rolled their eyes and pointed to John who’s feet were curled up against their back.

 

“This is the fate I face every night, these two are always so cold”They said shivering.

 

“I don’t understand how you complain about being cold, your body literally feels like it’s 95 degrees and sunny”Hercules said.

 

“Ha Ha very funny shut the fuck up!”John snapped sleepily. He hadn’t even taken the time to open his eyes. That caused Alexander to stir who slapped Hercules shoulder.

 

“John...shut the fuck up”he whined and rolled back over cuddling a pillow. Lafayette chuckled and wrapped an arm around John, partially to keep him from retaliating.

 

“I apologize _mon amour_ , go back to sleep”they whispered kissing his head. John grumbled angrily and turned around burying his face in Lafayette’s chest.

 

“I love these two so much”Lafayette whispered.

 

“So do I, but god they would kill each other without us”Hercules chuckled breathily.

 

Lafayette nodded and let their eyes drift shut. They knew if they responded this conversation would last all morning.

 

 

Once the two awoke again the sun shone through the thin blinds and there was one less person in bed. After a week’s paid leave he was back to work and he couldn’t be happier. The first day back he was so happy he hugged Mr. Washington, didn’t even freak out when he called him son. The endless amount of reading and writing called to him and he answered resolutely.

 

Lafayette sat up and stretched looking back over at the clock. 11:21am, a much more reasonable time to be up. John whined in protest and scooted back over to Lafayette cuddling up against them.

 

“Good morning _mon petit_ ”Lafayette cooed. John mumbled a good morning and the snores soon started up again. Lafayette sighed, they knew as long as they were in bed John would be to.

 

“Good mornin”Hercules said gruffly leaning over to kiss their cheek. Lafayette groaned and wiped their cheek, it was a wet kiss.

 

“Ugh what the hell Hercules? Did you lick your lips before kissing me?”They asked. Hercules smirked.

 

“Guilty”He said.

 

“You are a pain in my ass”They grumbled.

 

“I could be a pain in your ass but you don’t like to bottom anymore”He said casually.

 

“It’s not that I don’t like to bottom, I’ve just been feeling really toppy lately”They said shrugging.

 

“You’re my top”John mumbled dreamily pulling Lafayette closer to him.

 

“He would never outright admit he’s a bottom if was fully awake. That’s a moment that needed to be video taped”Hercules said.

 

“Not a bottom”John mumbled rolling over trying to escape the sunlight.

 

“And there’s the John I know and love, keep telling yourself that buddy”Hercules said patting his butt. John stuck up the middle finger and practically smothered himself with the pillow trying to keep the light out.

 

“It’s almost noon, we should get some good going. You my perfect birthday queen have a full day ahead of you”He said. Lafayette groaned at the anticipation.

 

“What’s first?”They asked.

 

“Well first first is breakfast, the first objective is hair salon. I’m not sure if you wanted to wear it natural or get it straightened but that’s for you to decide”He said. Lafayette thought for a few seconds, they loved their curls more than anything but a silk press was calling their name.

 

“I’m not too sure, I haven’t straightened my hair in years _mon amour_. What do you think?”They asked.

 

“Well if you’re asking for my opinion specifically I’m a fan of your curls and I think they look beautiful and elegant in their own right”He said kissing their cheek.

 

“You’re right. I might just take some extra time and slick my hair up in a neat ponytail, add some accent pieces to it”They said.

 

“I can see it now and it looks gorgeous, try to stay away from gold colors”he said vaguely.

 

“Hercules what do you mean-“

 

“So I was thinking I should actually take you out for breakfast. How does IHOP sound?”He asked. John sprung up and rubbed his temples almost falling into a dizzy spell.

 

“If yer goin to IHOP I wanna come”he slurred sleep still evident in his voice.

 

“I would love to go to IHOP!”They squealed clasping their hands together.

 

“God we haven’t been in so long! I wonder if they’ve still got the red velvet pancakes oh god those were _délicieux_!”They moaned sprawling out on the bed. John felt his cheeks heat up and he quietly scolded himself.

 

“I’m uh...I’m gonna go take a shower an stuff”he said sliding out of bed. Lafayette shrugged and rolled out of bed as well.

 

“May I join you?”They asked.

 

“Um I think I’ll be taking this shower alone I have to shave...my...legs?”he said scrunching up his face. He was the worst lier known to man.

 

“John do you just want privacy to jerk off?”Hercules asked. John’s face quickly flushed and he nodded grabbing his towel off of the rack.

 

“That’s all you have to say, we won’t intrude. But you gotta remember we live in very close proximity of the neighbors, keep the screaming to a minimal” Lafayette said winking. That just made John all the more embarrassed as he hurried off to the bathroom.

 

“What do you think had him so turned on?”Hercules asked once he was out of hearing range. Lafayette smirked and pulled off the tank top they were wearing.

 

“I may or may not have been giving him bedroom eyes”They said. Hercules smacked their shoulder cause them to wince.

 

“You are actually evil. You know what your bedroom eyes do to people, especially John”he said clicking his tongue in disapproval.

 

“Hey! It’s not my fault that he’s ready to go at almost any time of the day. He’s almost as needy as Alexander”They said.

 

They chuckled to themself, they could hear Alexander in their subconscious denying it. The shower turned on and the two heard an immediate groan.

 

“You wanna go eavesdrop?”Hercules asked.

 

“You know me so well my love”They said quickly and stealthily crept out of the bedroom. The two walked down the hall to the first bathroom and pressed their ears against the door. Over the sound of running water they heard a litany of whimpers and curses.

 

“I bet he’ll say my name when he cums”Lafayette whispered childishly sticking out their tongue. Hercules raised an eyebrow.

 

“I bet you twenty dollars he’ll say my name”He whispered back. Lafayette held out their hand to seal the deal which Hercules grabbed and shook.

 

John rested his head against the tile of the shower. It did little to cool his blushing skin. His hair stuck to the nape of his neck as he ran his hand down his stomach. The muscles tensed under his touch and he shuddered. He wanted to tease himself just like Lafayette would, make himself wait until he was begging for it.

 

He licked his lips and let his hand fall to his shaft gripping the base loosely. His breath hitched as he ran his thumb down one of the more prominent veins. He tried to heed the warning to be quiet but if you knew John he was anything but quiet. It was nowhere near as satisfactory being quiet.

 

“F-fuck”he groaned slowly starting to stroke himself. He rubbed his thumb over the head of his cock for a few moments collecting precum. After his hand was slick to his liking he continued running it up and down his shaft. Feather light strokes had him bucking his hips into his hand pleading.

 

“P-please...I-I...fuck!”he groaned slapping his other hand against the tile. The words almost slipped past his lips as he ever so lightly quickened his strokes.

The steam swirling around him manifested in his imagination as Lafayette pinning him against the bed. They would fuck him relentlessly, mercilessly, use him. He bucked his hips faster and cried out trying to keep his thrusts even.

 

“Master” He whimpered reverently eyes rolling back. He let his back hit the wall as he thrusted up frantically into his fist. The word fell from his lips as the beads sweat ran down his forehead. The heat coiled up in his stomach and he leaned into. The pleasure was blinding as his thighs trembled and he slid down the wall. He bucked into his hand a few time throwing his head back. His back arched and all he could see was white as he painted his abdomen in cum. His throat felt raw and he took a deep breath.

 

Lafayette and Hercules sat on the other side of the door stunned. They both crossed their legs and refused to make eye contact. Lafayette breathed heavily and leaned against the door for support. They thought they had sex appeal but John...he was the embodiment of lust itself.

 

The two heard the shower turn off and they quickly scrambled to their feet. Not fast enough though. John opened the door and was met with wide eyes and guilty faces. He wanted to feel angry but he was more embarrassed than anything.

 

“How long have you two been sitting there?”He demanded crossing his arms. Hercules tried to answer but he found himself speechless as he stared at the towel wrapped around John’s waist. It was tied carelessly and exposed the subtle v of his lower abdomen. Lafayette found themself in a similar predicament as they stared at the way John’s hips moved. He shuffled on his feet from side to side blushing.

 

“You have the waist of a Disney princess”Lafayette finally whispered. John blushed harder but quirked an eyebrow at them.

 

“Um thank you, genetics I guess-anyways you didn’t answer my question.”he said.

 

“We were um...ya see we were just...O-oh _mon dieu_! _Je ne peux pas parler l'anglais_!”They exclaimed and ran down the hall. Hercules sighed and ran a hand over his face.

 

“We were eavesdropping on you masturbating”He mumbled. John smirked and dropped his towel.

 

“You should have just said so, unlike the coward you get a free show”he said and pulled Hercules into the bathroom.

 

Almost an hour later they both stumbled out of the bathroom, hot,wet and satisfied. Lafayette pouted after being sent back to the bedroom for being a coward. They heard their partner’s coming down the hall and jumped up in excitement. The door opened and they pulled the two into a hug.

 

“It’s almost one! We gotta get going like right now because I’m starving”They said.

 

“Your ass looks nice in those overalls” John commented pulling a v neck on over his head. He took a closer look at the distinct paint splatters on them and pondered.

 

“Wait a minute, aren’t those my overalls?”he asked.

 

“Yes, yes they are. You are _très petit mon petit chéri_ these barely fit over my ass”They said. John chuckled, after over eighteen years of living in states they still said ass with such a harsh “a”.

 

“Yeah yeah we get it I’ve got a little twink body”John said playfully shoving them. Lafayette wrapped their arms around him and pulled him to their chest.

 

“Yeah but I like your little twink body, you’re easy to fold in half”They whispered.

 

John blushed and squirmed out of their arms.

 

“Why am I getting so much attention? It’s your week Lafayette, enjoy it.”He said and pulled on a pair of denim shorts that come just above his knees. He scowled at Hercules raised eyebrow.

 

“Can you fuckin blame me? It’s still hotter than Satan’s ass crack out there”he said.

 

“True that, come on gang let’s go.”Hercules said. John whines in protest and searched vanity urgently. He ran a hand through his hair, it was undoubtedly getting long. The ringlets that hung neatly on his shoulders now reached his upper chest. He grabbed the hair brush and winced yanking it through his hair quickly laying it to one side. Once it laid neatly over his left shoulder he braided it tightly securing it with a hair band.

 

“Now I’m ready”he said pulling stray curls behind his ear.

 

“Alright beauty queen, go get in the car”Hercules said. John nodded and slid his feet into a pair of flip flops. Lafayette ran a hand through their hair fluffing up their curls.

 

“You too!”Hercules scolded slapping their ass. They yelped and walked out of the bedroom to front door. John sat in the front seat giggling to himself as he pretended to drive.

 

“Vroom vroom!”He said and pretended to drift just like he’d seen in fast and furious the other day. Lafayette chuckled and tapped on the window. John quickly cleared his throat and climbed into the backseat.

 

“Thank you”Lafayette said sliding into the drivers seat. Hercules got into the passengers seat and set up the gps.

 

“Herc when we get to IHOP can I have coffee?”John asked clicking his seatbelt into place.

 

“Of course you can, you know you don’t have to ask”he said furrowing his brows.

 

“I know but you make Alexander ask”John said.

 

“Yeah but that’s different, Alexander has a caffeine dependency-John all this information isn’t new to you”He said. John shifted in his seat and shrugged.

 

Lafayette started up the car and Hercules looked behind him. John seemed smaller curling in on himself. It couldn’t be little space, John wasn’t a shy little.

 

“Did you just want my permission?” Hercules asked. John nodded and fiddled with his fingers.

 

“Subby kinda day?”He questioned. John nodded his head.

 

“On a scale of I can do things on my own to I need someone to make my decisions for me or I might explode where are we right now?”He asked.

 

“I can make my own decisions just please kinda...um...boss me around I guess?”he said shyly.

 

“Mhm and how long have you been feeling like this?”Hercules asked.

 

“Kinda since I woke up this mornin if I’m being honest. It’s Laf’s day and I don’t wanna be a burden though so like I’m fine!”he said quickly. Lafayette adjusted the mirror and gave John a stern look.

 

“John I’m yours and Alexander’s dom, do you know why I’m a dom and not a switch?”They asked. John shook his head.

 

“Because I love it when people submit to me. I never had control over anything in my life so I like having control over people. I enjoy looking after you and taking care of you in anyway you need me to do never ever think you’re being a burden”They said with a sharp tone. John let out an audible whimper as chills traveled down his spine.

 

“Who am I John?”They asked.

 

“M-my partner-“

 

“Wrong. Who am I John?”They asked again. John has never blushed so much in his life.

 

“My master, you’re my master”he said quietly.

 

“And what are you?”They asked.

 

“I’m your pet”he said sitting up straighter.

 

“Good, I’m glad you remember your place. It’s been too long since we’ve done this, hasn’t it _ma douce_?”John nodded his head swiftly. Hercules watched in awe as the dynamics shifted. Usually when John was little or even everyday life Hercules was bad cop and Lafayette was good cop. That was just the two’s nature, but when John was feeling submissive Lafayette took the reins.

 

“I’m glad you agree. You should never feel like a burden or ashamed to be submissive. You don’t have to be Mr Macho man all the time. You can let other people take the lead and guide you. There is no shame in that”They said.

 

“Back when I was learning how to dom I was Hercules’ sub and he taught me everything I know”They finished. Hercules smiles and leaned over kissing their cheek.

 

“And I’m very proud of you”He said.

 

“So you guys will like order for me an stuff?”he asked quietly.

 

“Whatever you want we’ll do”Hercules said. John’s face lit up and he smiled bashfully.

 

The car ride lasted no longer than twenty minutes. John sat in the backseat humming softly to himself.

 

“We’re here”Lafayette said. They pulled up into the parking lot and stopped the car. John immediately unbuckled his seat belt and got out waiting patiently. Lafayette smiled and got out of the drivers seat grabbing his hand. John laced their fingers together and leaned into their side.

 

Hercules smiled and walked inside prompting the other two to follow. To his surprise they quickly got seated, at a booth per his request. John snuggled into Lafayette’s side blushing softly at the praise he received.

 

“Oh Herc the chicken and waffles sounds yummy”Lafayette said.

 

“Why? Is it cause I’m black?”He asked. Lafayette furrowed their brows and stared in confusion.

 

“I...wha-...we’re both-“they started but Hercules cut them off with abrupt laughter.

 

“I’m just kidding babe, it does sound yummy but I’m not in a chicken mood. I think I’m in the mood for some chocolate”he said eyeing them.

 

“Well if you’re feeling chocolate than there’s the Belgian dark chocolate mousse pancakes”They said and flipped the menu over showing him. Hercules sighed as the joke went right over their head.

 

“That does look good, what do you feel like eating lovebug?”he asked drawing the attention to John.

 

“The tres leches pancakes”He said.

 

“Alright now what do you want to drink?”Lafayette asked folding up the menu.

 

“Can I have vanilla iced coffee with whip cream?”He asked. Lafayette nodded and made a mental note calling over the waitress. They recited the orders and the trio sat and joked around the table. Lafayette stroked John’s thigh and watched as the boy practically purred.

 

“I love it when you submit to me John. This is one of the greatest gifts I could receive and I will never take it for granted”They whispered in his ear. John shuddered and squirmed in his seat.

 

“W-will you put the collar on me when we get back home?”He whispered. Lafayette raised a brow. John only requested the collar when he was deep in subspace. Lafayette was cruel but he wouldn’t leave John home alone in deep subspace. It had to be some form of torture.

 

“John what level are you at right now? Use the lights system”They said. Green was fine, yellow was slipping and red was gone.

 

“Master I’m fine please-“He whispered but cut his sentence short. The look on Lafayette’s face could strike the fear of god into any man.

 

“Yellow”John whispered. Lafayette hummed and let relief wash over them.

 

“You will wait until Alexander gets home. You know what that collar does to you”They said.

 

“Can I at least wear my day time collar...please? I just wanna be yours”He whispered softly intertwining their hands. His eyes were slightly glazed over but they shone with nothing but admiration.

 

“I spent my whole life bein in control, please just let me give it up...just for a little while”he continued. Lafayette bit their lip and weighed the pros and the cons.

 

“I stand by what I said. I’m doing this because I care about you John. I don’t want you home alone with no one to meet your needs”They said. John nodded in understanding but he deflated a bit.

 

“Do you think Alex will wanna take care of me?”He whispered anxiously. Lafayette cupped his cheek and stroked his prominent cheekbone with their thumb.

 

“My darling, Alexander loves taking care of you almost as much as I do”They said and booped his nose. John scrunched it up and pulled away.

 

The waitress returned mere minutes later with the food in hand. Hercules praised her for the quick service and John huffed leaning against his seat. How dare she get Hercules praise? She didn’t deserve his praise, she wasn’t worthy of hi-

 

“John, your pancakes baby”he said and pushed the plate towards the curly haired man. John mumbled a thank you but squeaked when Lafayette pinched his thigh.

 

“Thank you sir”he corrected quietly. Lafayette hummed in approval and rubbed the spot they pinched. The trio ate in comfortable, the only major disruption being John’s inconsistent whining. What was he whining for? They never really knew, it was something he just did. Lafayette was sure that it was just for attention though, as soon as they rubbed his thigh or squeezed his hand it ceased.

 

“Are you full John?”Hercules asked. John nodded and took one last sip of the coffee. The whipped cream covered his nose and Lafayette giggled snapping a picture and sending it to Alexander.

 

_**Lexi is tying...** _

 

**_Snap from Lexi_ **

 

They opened it and smiled.

_He looks adorable, is he in subspace? He’s got that look in his eyes_

 

Leave it up to Alexander to type in full sentences. Lafayette sent a quick response and got one back almost as fast.

 

_Awesome, I’ve missed having a sub around_

 

Lafayette grinned from ear to ear and slid their phone back into their pocket. John had licked the whipped cream off of his nose at this point and was stacking the plates and cups neatly in the center of the table. Hercules let out a grunt of approval.

 

“Good boy”he said quietly. The chill that shot down John’s spine was so violent it caused him to drop the fork he was holding. Two simple words that made him feel like he was floating, like he weightless. Just transcending and feeling all the connotations the phrase held.

 

“Are you alright?”Hercules asked. John blushed and nodded his head quickly refraining from falling at the man’s feet right in this restaurant. God he wanted to let go, give up control and get out of his own head for a while.

 

“I am not trusting the look in his eyes. We should get him home”Lafayette said and slapped a hundred dollar bill on the table telling the waitress to keep the change.

 

“I guess we’re just made of money now”Hercules said.

 

“Oh shut up”Lafayette said rolling their eyes and taking John’s hand. Hercules’ eyes narrowed and he quickly spun them around and pulled them close enough that his lips were directly against their ear.

 

“You might out dom Alexander and John but remember who showed you the reins and how to hold ‘em. Watch your tone with me Lafayette”he said sharply. Lafayette’s eyes widened and they nodded quickly and felt the blush spread from their cheeks down their neck.

”my apologies Monsieur Hercules”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Je ne peux pas parler l'anglais-I can’t speak English   
> Tres petit mon cherie-you are very small my darling   
> Ma douce-my sweet


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy this extra long chapter because it literally made me cry multiple with feelings and frustration

The salon was crowded and Lafayette was...well they were anxious to say the least. Hercules had brought them to a salon that specialized in curly hair and everyone was beautiful. All different shades of brown painted the room along with all different textures of hair. It truly opened their eyes to how diverse being black really was. The people with the lightest skin could’ve had the kinkiest hair and vice versa. It was eye opening, they never saw anything like it growing up. The fairer people had straighter hair and the darker people had kinkier hair. That’s just how they thought things were. 

 

“Are you alright beautiful?”Hercules said squeezing their hand. They squeezed back reassuringly and continued to scope the room. Braids,twists,blowouts,presses and every other style you can imagine was there. Little girls ran around giggling as their hair shimmered with golden accessories and wooden beads. It warmed their heart, reminded them of Christmas with there fathers side of the family.

 

“You know I remember being a kid and my mère always telling me that black was beautiful...I never really believed her until I grew up. I wish I knew how beautiful it really was...it would have saved me so much pain”They whispered. Hercules smiled sadly and gripped their hand tighter.

 

“I’m glad you know Laf, you deserve to know that you are beautiful. Your skin,your hair and all of your features are beautiful.”He said bringing their hand up to his lips kissing it softly. Lafayette could feel themself blush.

 

“I hope you know that everything you said goes for you too Hercules”They said earnestly.

 

“I know now but growing up...things weren’t easy”He said with a sigh. He lived in a white town,went to a white school and had the pleasure of encountering some of the most ruthless kids he’d ever known.

 

“I didn’t really focus on that though. There were other things that needed to be dealt with”He said.

 

“Like what my darling?”Lafayette said.

 

“Providing for my family. Dad was gone, I wasn’t the oldest but I looked older...and I was taller. I got the most jobs, my first being a bakers apprentice”He said. Lafayette nodded and thought back to him chucking John over his shoulder like a sack of flour.

 

“How old were you?”They asked.

 

“God that was a long time ago...I think maybe eleven? Wait wait no! I was ten, I turned eleven a few months later”He said. Lafayette felt their heart drop, all that manual labor at ten?

 

“Was that even legal?”They whispered.

 

Hercules snorted.

 

“Of course it wasn’t legal. It was an under the table job. Besides that my life went smoothly, helped my mama save up a bunch of money and we lived here. All the kids in my new school knew I was an immigrant but they thought I came from Africa. Hell were they surprised when they heard my accent”He said chuckling.

 

“It is not fair you lost your accent! My accent has been around since I’ve gotten here!”Lafayette said and pouted crossing their arms.

 

“I’ve lived here for about twenty five years, you my love lived here for let’s say about nineteen years. Also you still speak your native language so you’re bound to keep the accent”He said.

 

“God I hate when you use logic against me”They mumbled.

 

“Lafayette!”The woman yelled out. They jumped in their spot and quickly stood up.

 

“I’m sorry, did I scare you? I’m a bit loud”she said softer. They nodded sheepishly and she shook her head.

 

“Again I apologize, my name is Angelica and I’ll be styling you today!”She said and held her hand out. They walked over within a few strides and shook her hand. This Angelica was beautiful, brown skin, dark brown eyes and a head full of curls. The curls were twisted back at the front and clipped in place with iridescent butterfly clips. My she sure seemed eccentric. They smiled, she reminded them of their cousin Dior. And yes she was just as boujee as her name proved to be.

 

“It is nice to meet you Angelica. I am sorry I’m just in awe of how wonderful your place of work is”They said sweetly. She smiled and took a look around watching the other women at work.

 

“That means a lot seeing as I own the place”She said. Their eyes widened, she owned it? Well it is called Angel’s so it makes sense.

 

“God I love everything about this place!”They gushed excitedly taking a seat in the plush chair. She chuckled and grabbed a millennial pink barbers cape wrapping it around their shoulders.

 

“I hope you don’t mind the pink, not many men come in here”she said. They shook their head.

 

“I am not a man”they said. Angelica nodded despite looking confused.

 

“It is alright to ask questions. I do not take offense to curiosity”They said softly.

 

“Okay thank goodness! If you’re not a man than what do you identify as?”She asked.

 

“I am non binary, I use they/them pronouns. Non bin-“They started but she grinned and raised a hand.

 

“No need to explain Lafayette, I know what non binary is. I’m very familiar was LGBTQ related matters, my sister is a lesbian and well pan for the win!”she said and pointed to two flags side by side repping their respective sexualities. Lafayette couldn’t help the grin that took over their face even if they tried.

 

“It is nice to meet other pansexuals, I think you’ve just earned yourself a regular and you haven’t even begun”They said. Angelica smiled and spun the chair around turning the nozzle of the sink.

 

“I tend to rush into things a bit but I think I just earned myself a friend”She said lowering the chair. Once their head was level with the chair she had them lean back and wrapped a towel around their shoulders.

 

“I am honestly loving this color on you. I wouldn’t think a brown blonde ombré would work well with you but it does”she said. They hummed and she sang their praises. Hercules pouted from the waiting chairs and rested his chin on his fist. He loved the fact that Lafayette was so social, it was one of the driving forces that pulled them together but he was feeling kind of jealous. Despite not being attracted to females he could definitely acknowledge the fact that she was gorgeous. They had hit it off so quickly, they were discussing traveling abroad. God he had never felt so needy in his life, what was wrong with him? He rose to his feet with a groan and walked over to the chair.

 

“Baby”He said. Lafayette hummed in response.

 

“Do you want me to get you some Dunkin? They have this really good maple coffee”He said.

 

“Mhm, that would be nice _mon coeur_ ”They cooed. Hercules nodded and walked out the door, he could go for a donut right now.

 

“Oooo is that your boyfriend!”Angelica said bouncing back and forth as she ran her nails over their scalp.

 

“One of them”They said absentmindedly.

 

“One of them?”she repeated.

 

“Polyamory”They said. There was a beat, god Angelica had been cool up until this point they hoped this hadn’t ruined it.

 

“That’s cool, what are your partners like?”she said running a wide toothed comb through their curls. They winced and thought long and hard about how

to describe them.

 

“Well the one you just saw was Hercules and he has more patience than a saint I tell you. He’s the sweetest person ever and he’s always ready to talk if you need to. He’s the kind of person you would emotional dump on to. He’s so good at advice and so intelligent but he’s also like a giant teddy bear who can be really soft and lovey”they said. She hummed In response and squirted the conditioner on their hair.

 

“Mhm keep goin”she encouraged and winced, god their hair looked like a birds nest. Did they even comb that shit?

 

“There’s also Alexander, he’s amazing. He’s always giving 110% with any and everything he does. He’s very short I can rest my elbow on his head. He’s got long brown hair and beautiful brown eyes, this boy could model. Besides his beauty he’s also very intelligent, he works at Washington’s establishment and he likes to argue”They said and gave themself a mental pat on the back. Establishment? Fucking vocabulary point for them.

 

“Alexander seems like someone I would want to punch in the face”she said lightly. Lafayette shrugged.

 

“He gets that a lot”They said which caused her to quickly turn around and cover her mouth snickering. Once she composed herself and she cleared her throat.

 

“Last but not least is John, he’s a diamond in the rough. He would hate if I told you this but he’s an amazing singer, he never thinks the boys and I are listening but he sings all the time. He’s got these beautiful curls and his eyes...I do not know how to describe the color they are just magical. Him and I butt heads often but it’s because we’re both stubborn, he’s also very very intelligent.”They said.

 

“John seems pretty cool”she said and lifted the chair back up quickly wrapping the towel around their head. They shivered and resisted the urge to shake their hair out like a wet dog. She towel dried their hair and held up a blow dryer.

 

“How do you feel about putting heat on your hair?”she asked. They shrugged, it never caused them any harm.

 

“Alright cool”she said and plugged it into the outlet turning it on. It whirled manically and her eyes widened quickly turning down the power. She held up a pick and got to work sectioning their hair tying the unattended sections into what were called dookie braids.

 

“Dookie braids?”They questioned. It sounded wrong.

 

“Ya know Dookie braids? Did your parents keep your hair long when you were a kid?”she asked. They nodded slowly.

 

“Then how do you not know about Dookie braids! That is a young black child’s ride of passage!”she exclaimed combing through the free section. They winced and felt embarrassed, what had they missed out on?

 

“My mom was the one who did my hair and she’s...she’s white so I never really experienced that”They said meekly. Angelica stopped combing and stalled for a second.

 

“Your mom is white?”she repeated. They nodded and took a deep breath, here comes the scrutiny, here comes the slu-

 

“Oh that’s cool, I’m sorry I just couldn’t hear you over the blow dryer”she said. To their delight they were yet again proven wrong.

 

“This is a curly haired salon, all people of all ethnicities come in here”she said. They nodded. it made them feel better feel...included. There was no black or white, they didn’t have to pick a side right now. They were accepted as they were.

 

“How did your mom meet your dad? I’m assuming you’re from my generation and well interracial couples weren’t accepted back when our parents were young”she said.

 

“Oh they met at a ball, my mom was the most beautiful woman there and my dad fell. They got married a few months later”They said. This time Angelica couldn’t keep her cool.

 

“A few months-wait a ball!? What are you some type of monarch?!”She exclaimed.

 

“Actually I’m a noble, you’ve probably never heard of it but I come from the Marquis de Lafayette family”They said. Her eyes widened and she dropped the comb she was holding.

 

“I’m doing a Noble’s hair? D-do I like bow or something?! Do I curtsy?!”She said frantically seeming to do a mixture of both. They chuckled and shook their head quickly sending water flying everywhere.

 

“There is no need to do that, I’m only treated as nobility in France. I’ve got my royalty card on me actually”They said and pulled out their wallet. Inside there was a golden card engraved with their name on it.

 

“You’re from France! Wait do you know Thomas Jefferson? He’s a regular of mine”she said. They laughed so hard they almost fell out of the chair.

 

“I hate to perpetuate that stereotype that all people from one place know each other but I actually do know him. I grew up with him on the same plot of land, he’s royalty too”They said. Angelica crossed her arms and shook her head.

 

“I’m not surprised, he acts like royalty. _Angie? Be a lamb and comb a bit softer? I’m not made of porcelain but I’m not made of steel!_ ”She mimicked putting her hands on her hips. Lafayette slapped their thigh doubled over. They were laughing so hard that no sound was coming out and all that was heard were ragged breaths.

 

“T-t-that was spot on!”they cried out clutching their stomach. It’s been years since they laughed this hard.

 

“Thank you, he pays well but god does he get on my nerves like first of all who gave him the right to call me Angie?”she said and dove into one of many Thomas stories.

 

The wind chimes sounded as Hercules walked in. He stood at the door and all feelings of jealousy were replaced with love. It was nice to see Lafayette smile, he hadn’t seen this smile since college. Lafayette looked up and giggled giddily making grabby hands for their drink.

 

“You got me a donut too? Oh thank you _Ma douceur chérie!_ ”They cooed spewing out a few more compliments before snatching the bag. Hercules sighed and sat down in the chair, one donut would do. It’s not like he drove thirty minutes to the nearest Dunkin’ Donuts for the sheer enjoyment of eating two donuts or anything. He looked at Laf who was munching happily and chattering away about nobility. To see them this happy he would gladly let Lafayette eat all of their donuts.

 

“Did you have any hairstyles in mind when you came in?”She asked. They shook their head.

 

“Not really, Herc and I are going to a gala tonight though so...”They said.

 

“The one in Albany?”she said hopefully. They nodded. She squealed and clasped her hands together.

 

“Awesome! Now do you wanna be the center of attention or fly low?”she asked. What kinda question was that?

 

“Center of attention all day everyday”They said. She jumped and cheered.

 

“I was hoping you would say that! I’m going to be using braiding hair in your hair. You do got inches but not the inches that are required for this style, feel me?”She said. They nodded letting her take the lead. It was weird seeing their hair so stretched out in the mirror, it laid a little ways past their shoulders.

 

“Damn shrinkage”They mumbled.

 

“Oh I feel you honey, don’t even get me started about shrinkage”She said.They nodded in agreement and let her get to work.

 

“Okay I’m thinking for you braid up the left side then twist it into Bantu knots, maybe at some little gold jewels. Your natural curls are beautiful and healthy the way they are so I’m thinking of just letting them shine“She said. They could barely remember how they looked with braids but they trusted her.

 

“My beauty is in your hands Angelica”They said.

 

“I won’t let you down, beauticians promsie!”she said and started parting their hair. Hercules watched in interest as her hands went to work meticulously making sure no hairs went astray. Watching her hands fly through the braids was almost therapeutic. He had no clue how she managed to grab the same amount of hair every time. Whenever he tried to cornrow they just came out clumpy and uneven, even on Alexander’s hair so it wasn’t even a texture thing.

 

Not even an hour went by and she was handing them the mirror. They gasped as their hands flew up to touch their hair, it didn’t even feel real-well all of it wasn’t real but that was beside the point! It looked beautiful, the way the ombré looked with their curls and god their curls had never looked so good-

 

“You made the eh...the knots look like _fleurs_ ”They said touching them hesitantly. They didn’t want to mess them up, there was a golden gem in the bud of each one. She smiled proudly and moved a few curls into place.

 

“I’m glad you like it, I’m always down for making the most simple styles extra. That’s just what I do”she said. They stood up and pulled her into a hug kissing both of her cheeks.

 

“I am sorry I know I have just crossed many boundaries but you made me beautiful!-“They rambled and she chuckled wiping her cheeks.

 

“If that’s how y’all get down in France then it’s cool, culture is culture but next time a little less wet would be appreciated”She said. They nodded sheepishly and skipped over to Hercules shaking his shoulders. He had tried to be supportive especially during the braiding but the poor boy fell asleep.

 

“Hercules!”They exclaimed slapping his shoulder. Hercules jolted up and gripped onto the arms of the chair and heaved.

 

“Mmmyesba-woah...”He said in awe. He sat up a little straighter but opted for sliding out of the chair and kneeling.

 

“Your highness”He said grabbing Lafayette’s hand and kissing it. They giggled and rolled their eyes playfully.

 

“ _casse-toi_ ”They said. He eventually stood up and pressed a kiss to their cheek.

 

“You look so fucking beautiful Lafayette and I mean it, your hair looks amazing”He said and reached up to touch. Fight of flight instinct came in to play and they slapped his hand away.

 

“Sorry my love nothing against you but I don’t want to mess it up”They said. Hercules nodded and checked the time

 _3:26pm_. He made a mental note of that and walked up to Angelica tapping her shoulder. She whirled around and gasped at the wad of money in his hand.

 

“N-no I couldn’t, it was only sixty-“she started but he shoved the two hundred dollar bills into her hand.

 

“Think of it as a thank you, you made them feel beautiful in their own skin”He said softly. She quietly pocketed the money in her apron and started cleaning up the work station

 

“...Lafayette’s a good person, please treat them right.”She said.

 

“I have no other intentions Angelica”He said with a grin. She would make a nice addition to their small circle of friends.

 

“I’ll see you at the gala Hercules, you better match their fly or I will so call you out”she said narrowing her eyes. He lifted his arms up in surrender.

 

“Aye, I ain’t never go anywhere not matching my baby’s fly”he said. It felt nice to speak like this, the dialect the slang and have it all be understood and accepted. It felt like school,it felt like home, it felt like hanging with his brother. It felt right.

 

“You take care Angelica”he said. She smiled and waved the two off as they exited the salon. Lafayette was still on cloud nine as they skipped to the car.

 

“Come on moon bounce get in, we’ve got a long ride to Albany so you should take a nap when we get home”He said.

 

Lafayette nodded and got in the drivers seat putting on their seatbelt.

 

“I like Angelica”They said pulling out of their parking spot.

 

“Yeah, so do I”Hercules said.

 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“Mon dieu!”Lafayette gasped covering their mouth. Hercules was sitting on the bed proudly holding up the dress he had spent months working on. It was a simple black, something Lafayette pulled off better than anyone. Spaghetti straps, a plunging back and two slits that went up the sides. It was scandalous even for Lafayette. Gold heels along with a layered gold necklace laid on the bed.

 

“Hercules this dress is magnificent!”They cried out dropping their towel. Hercules smiled and laid the dress on the bed carefully. Lafayette quickly shuffled towards the bed and ran their hand down the dress. It was softer as they expected but heavier than they thought, good. It was a guarantee nothing would blow out of place and expose their bits.

 

“It’s sexy and classy, just like you”He said kissing their cheek.

 

“Oh my god I hope you know you’re getting sex tonight!”Lafayette practically moaned out groping the dress further. Hercules bit his lip to hide the smile that was threatening to appear.

 

“Hey! I want sex tonight!”Alexander shouted from the other room. John whimpered in response and a loud smack was heard. Hercules and Lafayette both looked at each other and shrugged.

 

“Go ahead baby, put it on”He said. Lafayette slid on thong and made Hercules look away as they did.

“Something’s should go unseen”they said

“Such as tucking”. Hercules physically shuddered and wanted to question why they even did it but bit his tongue. Lafayette finally let him turn around and slipped into the dress with ease. Hercules let out a sigh of relief, he had gotten the measurements correct.

 

“Well...?”They said placing their hands on their hips. Hercules’ mouth went dry and he couldn’t find the words to speak. He’s sketched Lafayette in this very dress multiple but the real thing...no piece of paper could live up to it. It hugged every single curve perfectly, it jutted out in the back over so slightly over the curve of their ass. He wouldn’t tell but he made it atighter back there for that very reason. The three delicate strings holding it together in the back rested on their back snugly. This might have been his greatest creation and he designed his mother’s wedding dress.

 

“Do I look bad or something?”They asked impatiently tapping their foot. Hercules let actions speak rather than words and pulled them in for a kiss. Lafayette gasped softly and melted. Once he realized breathing was necessary Hercules pulled away.

 

“I left you that speechless huh?”They asked breathlessly. Hercules nodded and pulled them in for another kiss resting his hands on their ass. They pressed their chest against his breathing heavily. They pulled away and rested their forehead against his.

 

“ _Mon ami_...my first friend in this country, my first lover”They whispered. Hercules grinned and snuck one last kiss before wrapping his arms around them.

 

“Come on Laf, we’re supposed to be celebrating you...”he said bashfully.

 

“I know, I will try to be more narcissistic”They said playfully and stuck their tongue out. Hercules rolled his eyes and pulled away reaching over Lafayette’s head grabbing his towel off the hook.

 

“I don’t need you falling in love with your own reflection and dying on me”he teased. Lafayette practically swooned and slapped a hand to their chest.

 

“Oh my darling! A man after my own heart bantering with me about Greek mythology!”They said.

 

“Well that’s how we met”Hercules said. Lafayette smiled and reminisced on the day.

 

“You has the corniest pick up lines ever, you wouldn’t stop until I agreed to go out with you”They said. Hercules grinned and stripped off his shirt.

 

“Feel special, I’ve never pushed for anything that hard in my life”He said.

 

“More flowers I noted, yet I none could see”Lafayette said softly. Hercules eyes softened and he practically melted under their gaze.

 

“But sweet or color it had stolen from thee...babe how did you remember that? You barely remember what you had for breakfast yesterday”He said. Lafayette rolled their eyes.

 

“I didn’t even eat breakfast yesterday and of course I remember! It’s the very first pick up line you used on me. I knew it was something sweet but I barely spoke English so I just stared at you”They chuckled. Hercules nodded, god he had been so mortified after the encounter he avoided Lafayette for a week.

 

“But then we got assigned as art buddies, and then we went out to coffee,and then we went to your apartment and now here we are...nineteen years later with two boyfriends, a bigger apartment and a cat!”They squealed and spun around. As if summoned their ginger kitten had padded out from under the bed and brushed against Lafayette’s leg happily. They bent down and picked the kitten up cradling her against their chest.

 

“Hello _mon bébé_! I have missed you so much Ginger, where have you been? Have you gone on vacation?”They asked rubbing her tummy. She purred and nuzzled against his chest meowing gently.

 

“Ah I will take that as a yes then, I am glad to see you”they said softly and took a seat on the bed. Hercules watched in confusion for two reasons. One he forgot they even had a cat and two there was a sense of longing in Lafayette’s voice. The way they were looking down at the kitten and rubbed its tummy was paternal.

 

“You treat Ginger like she’s an actual baby”He snorted. Lafayette sighed and looked at her thoughtfully.

 

“I guess she is the closest thing I will ever get. If you will excuse me I need a drink”They said and gently got off the bed still cradling her. Hercules blinked slowly and decided against speaking on the subject any further. He walked into the bathroom and scolded the boys telling them to have sex in the bedroom.

 

“You guys are sex maniacs”he exclaimed. John blew a raspberry and Alexander stuck up the middle finger throwing John over his shoulder. Hercules rolled his eyes and turned on the shower continuing to strip.

 

Lafayette sat in the rocking chair of the safe room and hummed softly.

 

“I hope you know there is nothing wrong with you, you’re just a little special”They said.

 

“It’s not your fault that you’re small, just like it’s not my fault I’m big. You are perfect just the way you are and I hope you know that”They said. They paused for a few beats.

 

“God I’m going insane, I’m talking to a kitty...kitten”They said. They gently placed Ginger on the floor and walked out of the safe room. They opened the linen closet and pulled out the lint roller running it down their dress. They loved Ginger but she shed so much.

 

Hercules walked back into the bedroom with the towel wrapped around his waist. John was sprawled out on the bed with his head in Alexander’s lap. Alex had on his reading glasses and he was reading out of the Bible.

 

“For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways...”Alex said softly.

 

“Amen”John murmured and held his cross close to his chest. Hercules took a closer look, it must be new. His old one was made of wood.

 

“I’m sorry to interrupt”Hercules said quietly. John sat up a bit and smiled.

 

“No no you’re good, Alex is just reading to me”he said warmly. Hercules narrowed his eyes a bit and tilted his head. He shook his head and looked in the closet for his suite. Regular black slacks paired with a golden embroidered blazer, it was like marching band met adulthood. He pulled on a white tank top and grabbed his button down top sliding it on. If fit snugly around his arms, either he was getting way too jacked or he was gaining weight. He frowned slightly and pulled on the slacks along with the blazer, they fit fine. He shrugged it off and shook his head trying to clear it of all negativity.

 

He turned around and smirked as Alex let out a low whistle. John whooped and hollered practically throwing himself off the bed with excitement. He stood up and yelled for Alexander to pass him his voice. Alex threw it and John caught it opening up his camera.

 

“Ahhh you already know! Strike a pose for...me...”he said and dropped the phone. Hercules tilted his head and looked behind him, his jaw dropped. Lafayette was leaning leisurely against the door jutting out their hip. Their face was painted, licking their lips of the reddest they smirked.

 

“Did someone say pose?”They said seductively. Alexander dropped the Bible he was hoping and soon cursed under his breath crossing himself over for John’s sake.

 

John dropped to his knee and looked up completely at their mercy.

 

“ _Mi reina_ ”he said dropping his head in respect. Hercules and Alexander smiled at each other following his actions. Lafayette grinned and covered their mouth bouncing in place excitedly. This made them feel like royalty but not what they’ve known-no! It felt like the fairytales where you don’t get temporarily disowned by your family but instead you go to the ball and dance with your Prince Charming. God it felt so good for somebody else to be Prince Charming. They’ve spent years of wooing girls and sweeping them off of their feet eventually into their pants but there was no romance, no magic, no spark!

 

“ _Mi reina_ ”Alexander whispered. Hercules smiled and decided to follow the pattern.

 

“My queen”he said reverently. Lafayette paused for a second and put two and two together. They looked and John and he smiled knowingly.

 

“You big softie!”They exclaimed pulling him off the ground into a hug.

 

“I told you that one day you would find out and it would be beautiful and gah damn do you look beautiful. _mi reina misericordiosa, posees mi corazón_ ”he said pulling their hand up to his lips and kissing it. Alexander rolled his eyes and pushed John aside.

 

“This fool only knows how to sweet talk in Spanish, I-graduate of Kings college-can do so in English and damn ma do you look fine!”He said.

 

“Really Alexander?”John said.

 

“Hey! Slang counts as English!”he whined. Hercules pushed them both aside and grinned holding out his arm.

 

“Shall we my queen?”He said. Lafayette linked their arm with his and smiled

 

“Well shall my king”Lafayette said. They waved good and walked towards the door.

 

“Hey hercules! Hold on a second!”Alex exclaimed. Hercules paused and took a step back. Alexander slipped something into his pocket and pulled him in for a quick kiss.

 

“Do not throw away your shot babe, you’re going to do great”

 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The two stepped out of the car more than happy to be off the road. Lafayette wobbled a bit on their heels but grabbed onto the roof steadying themself. Hercules grinned and grabbed their arm leading them inside, he felt the box inside of his pocket and gulped. He’s been planning this for months, had it all planned out, why was he nervous now?

 

The two handed the security their tickets and strutted inside. Lafayette’s eyes widened in surprise and they squeezed Hercules’ hand anxiously.

 

“ _Mon amour_...the spotlight is on us”They whispered.

 

Hercules smiled warmly.

 

“That was supposed to happen”he said and dragged Lafayette to the middle of the floor and smiled as the lights dropped. Lafayette squeezed his hand and gasped as they looked around. They let out a sob as the room lit up with scenes of France. The rolling hills projected off the wall and they fell to their knees taking it all in. They felt encompassed by it, the projection ended with the Eiffel Tower as they looked up at Hercules.

 

“Hercules...I...how?!”They sobbed. Hercules knelt down next to them and rubbed their back. It was more than overwhelming to see their homeland after being gone for so long. Sure they’ve visited but they’ve only gone to the tourist attractions for the boys enjoyment. They haven’t walked down the roads or taken the time to eat the fresh bread the bakers had made in a long time.

 

“I know a guy”he said rubbing the back of his neck out of habit. They pulled him into a hug and clung to him tightly.

 

“This is the best gift of eternity!”They exclaimed. They were causing a scene but they could care less. They planted a multitude of rosy kisses on his cheek and refused to let go. The hug turned into a five minute cuddle session.

 

Hercules eventually pulled away and stood up now covered in lipstick but grinning widely.

 

“Here you go big man, good luck”A man said gruffly and patted his back handing him a microphone. Hercules nodded and tapped it a few times causing a shriek reverb to sound over the crowd. He blushed and quickly pulled it away.

 

“Well um first things first I would like you all to give holler for my partner Lafayette, it’s their birthday”He said and smirked as the music sounded. The crowd went wild shouting out happy birthday.

 

_One time for the birthday bitch_

 

Lafayette’s eyes widened and they quickly shook their head. Hercules knew how they got with this song. He took them to see Trap Beckham in concert and ended up having to fuck them in the bathroom.

 

“Hercules I...”They started.

 

_Two times for the birthday bitch_

 

Hercules smirked and and pressed up behind them stepping to the beat. He leaned down and grazed over the shell of their ear with his teeth. They shuddered and pressed closer against him.

 

“Go on baby I know you wanna, show me what you got”he whispered. That was all the consent Lafayette needed. They let the music consume them and bent over and well the rest was history. They felt paper hitting their ass and turned around to see Hercules making it rain with twenties. They giggled and smirked dropping into a split. Hercules moved his hips to the beat and waited for them to stand back up. They did so and elegantly fixed their dress, they were truly the belle of the ball.

 

“I’m having so much fun Hercules, thank you”They said. Hercules kissed their cheek and pulled their hips closer grinding against them.

 

“Mmm you seem to be enjoying this”They purred.

 

“Shut up”Hercules growled gripping onto their hair and bending them over. Lafayette squealed and took a deep breath steadying themself on their heels. They bit their lip as Hercules ground against their ass. They were only partially aware that they were dry humping in public but it felt amazing. Lafayette finally stood up and cleared their throat pulling on their dress. Hercules grabbed the microphone he had dropped and held it up to his lips signaling to cut the music.

 

“I’m sorry to kills y’alls vibe so soon but this will be a slower one so grab a partner”He said. Lafayette walked towards him but he held a hand up and walked onto the stage. The spotlight shone on Lafayette and they blushed suddenly aware of everything that had happened in the past ten minutes.

 

“For my Lafayette, my words fail me my love so I hope music does the trick”he said. He gave a thumbs up to the sound booth.

 

“ _I found a love for me, darling just dive right in and follow my lead”_ he sang softly. Lafayette brought their hands to their chest and gasped.

 

“ _Well I found you...so beautiful and sweet_ _I never knew you were the someone waiting for me_ ”he continued. Lafayette felt a hand tap their shoulder and saw Angelica clad in a baby pink ball gown.

 

“Oh you look beautiful Lafayette”she whispered. They thanked her and grabbed onto her hand for support. She looked at them confused and then looked at the stage, she squeezed back in understanding.

 

“ _Cause we were just kids when we fell in love, not knowing what it was. I will not give you up this time_ ”

 

Angelica pulled a tissue out of her purse and handed it them. They swayed together to the beat.

 

“ _But darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own and in your eyes you’re holding mine_ ”

 

“It’s alright to cry”Angelica said softly. Lafayette buried their face in the crook of her neck and sobbed.

 

“ _Baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song..._ ”

 

Angelica murmured softly and felt her heart swell. Hercules stepped down from the stage and walked towards the too. He smiled at Angelica and slowly lowered himself to a kneel. She grinned and watched as the crowd gasped.

 

“Lafayette, I think this is something you wanna see”She said. Lafayette pulled away and wiped their eyes the tears blurring their vision. Hercules’ figure blurred into clarity and they felt their knees weaken.

 

“O-oh my god”They whispered falling to their knees. Angelica quickly walked behind them and held them up.

 

“My Gilbert, how do I find the words to say this to you”he started. Lafayette couldn’t help the sobs that raked over their body.

 

“Nineteen years of us being together and and I finally got the balls to do this”he chuckled. Lafayette nodded.

 

“I’ve had the absolute blessing of being apart of your life and I am forever thankful that I got to watch you grow into the amazing person you are. I got to watch you watch across that graduation stage twice, get your dream job and more recently get your citizenship and I just wanna say I’m so damn proud of you. I will forever remember that day you walked into my arts elective class, I hoped I would see you again. Little did I know I would be seeing you for the rest of my life”He said and rubbed his eyes. Lafayette’s heart melted.

 

“I-I’m not Alexander so my words are failing me right now and I guess I’m just delaying the inevitable. Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier de La Fayette most widely known Marquis de Lafayette will you do me the great honor and marry me?”He asked.

 

“Oui oui oui!”Lafayette cried out and thrusted their left hand out quickly shaking it. Hercules chuckled and placed the ring on their finger. Lafayette giggled and watched it twinkle.

 

“Is this made out of...”

 

“Rose de France amethyst, only the best for you frenchie”he teased wiping the tears from the corner of his eyes.

 

“Oh stand up and kiss me you fool!”Lafayette exclaimed the crowd cheered but the sound drowned completely as they melted into the kiss.

Hercules felt his phone buzz in his pocket and pulled it out quickly.

 

_**Incoming FaceTime from Foreigner** _

 

He smiled and answered. Alexander’s face flooded the screen, John was in the kitchen behind him.

 

“Well!? How’d it go!”He asked.

 

“I took my shot”Hercules said proudly. Lafayette fluttered there hand and giggled when Alexander cheered. John jogged from the kitchen and smiled.

 

 

“He bought that ring five years ago”he said. Hercules blushed.

 

“Is that true?”Lafayette questioned.

 

“Yeah...I never had the balls to propose, thought it was too soon”he said.

 

“We were together for fourteen years five years ago!”They said slapping his shoulder.

 

“Ouch! In my defense you were back in France for three years trying to get a work visa going”He said.

 

“Ugh, hardest three years of my life. I love France but that is not where I belong anymore. I belong here with you three, my heart now resides in two places”They said.

 

“Awww y’all are gonna make throw uppp!”John said taking a swig from the wine bottle.

 

“Drinking while cooking?”Hercules questioned. Alexander chuckled as John gave them a very detailed description on how and why it helps.

 

“I would tell you two to drink responsibly but you’re both straight edge”he teased.

Hercules rolled his eyes.

 

“I told you stop calling us that”he said.

 

“I know love you both bye!”He said and ended the call.

 

“So that’s Alexander?”Angelica said. The two jumped, they had forgotten she was there.

 

“That’s our Alex”Lafayette said proudly.

 

“Hm it seems like I was right about him, congratulations you two! Also here is my business card laf, it has my personal number on there so just give me a call if you wanna hang”she said. They nodded and handed the card to Hercules who slipped it in this pocket. Angelica waved goodbye and slipped away into the crowd.

 

“So how does it feel Gilbert Mulligan?”Hercules said wrapping his arms around them.

 

“Eh? You mean Hercules de Lafayette”They said bumping their hip against his.

 

“I’ll take whatever name makes you happiest darling, let’s just savor this moment”

 

And so they did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mon coeur- my heart  
> mi reina misericordiosa, posees mi corazón- my merciful queen you posses my heart


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys! I hope you enjoy this mysterious kinda chapter! The usual birthday fluff will resume when I go on holiday break!

_  
_

* * *

_~~~~It felt as if they were falling. Time came to a steady halt around them as they hit the ground._

_“I should not be here”They whispered. The winter frost bit their nose and ears raw. It was absolutely freezing, they surveyed their surroundings. The night lights twinkled throughout the trees. They slowly lifted their feet off the ground and stomped on the ground beneath them, fresh snow. It had probably just fallen, it was still white. They wore a cloak of emerald green, it was long and encompassed their large frame surprisingly well. They knew where they were, they were home. This was a trail they knew all too well that led to their castle. It was steep and originally only meant for a horse and buggy but they would climb it everyday. It was their only time alone, their little slice of freedom._

_The big question was why were they there? They were 99.8% sure it was a dream, they’ve had this dream before but what was the meaning? Slowly but surely they began to hike the trail panting along the way. Their legs were freezing underneath the cloak. They were wearing breeches, they just knew it. Opening the cloak they sighed in realization, it was this dream again._

_“Whenever I wake up I’m suing my subconscious”They grumbled. God why was the castle so far? Was this a long winded way of their subconscious telling them that they needed a better diet?_

_They broke a branch off a tree with a grunt and continued stalking up the trail. The closer they got the more their heart pounded, why weren’t they waking up? They’ve never reached the castle before, Sure they’ve gotten close, one time they even managed to get their hand on the door knob but they were always yanked back to reality. Where was John with his doting amber eyes and his soft words to comfort them? To tell them that it was all alright, it was only a dream._

_They walked up the cobblestone path and shook slightly waiting to be proven wrong, to suddenly wake up in John’s arms. They paused for a second and looked up at the sky, it was most likely past midnight. The moon was high in the sky, illuminating their features. Whatever it was they weren’t ready to confront it. But when would they ever be truly ready? This seemed like the most mundane day compared to their life now but it burned fiercely in their memory. If they spaced out too long their mind always found its way there burning and blurring their vision with tears._

_They were face to face with the French doors. They were steel with panels of stained glass, they’re as beautiful as the day they left. Lafayette quickly grabbed the door knob and screwed their eyes shut expecting this to be the end. When they opened them to their dismay they were still staring at the doors. They looked up, the lights were on upstairs. They knew what was happening. Quickly pushing the door open they fell inside and groaned quickly rolling over onto their back. They heard a small growl and soon a mass of fluff was biting at their leg._

_“Ow! Ow! ça suffit snowball!”They yelped pulling the small dog off their heel. The dog whined and stared at them in confusion sniffing them. Lafayette chuckled and rolled onto their knees petting him._

_“It is good seeing you so young snowball, I’ve missed you”They said warmly. Snowball was their Christmas present from the past Christmas, he was only six months old. Snowball tilted his head and licked their hand._

_“Ah yes you don’t speak English, bon garçon snowball un si bon garçon!”They cooed. The puppy went wild and barked jumping up on his hind legs. Lafayette laughed and rolled back over onto his back._

_“baisers!”they called out. Snowball padded over to their face and licked it happily whining and wagging his tail. Lafayette ran a hand through his fur and smiled picking the dog up setting him on their lap._

_“This dream could last forever if it means I get to play with you”They said with a grin. Snowball simply whined more and nuzzled against them. Little did they know a curly haired boy peeked around the corner. He stared in bewilderment and quickly hid behind the wall. There was a strange man sitting on his carpet playing with his snowball. He looked closer and furrowed his brows, the man shared a striking resemblance to Randolph Jefferson. That couldn’t be right though, it was the middle of the night and Randolph now lived in Germany with his bride.He took a deep breath and stepped out from behind the corner._

_“H-hello stranger, are you lost?”he asked gently. It was in his nature to help, it was the kind and noble thing to do. Lafayette looked up in shock and backed away. It was them but so...little. Barely over 5ft 9in hair included. Gilbert began to grow nervous as the stranger sat there with their mouth agape. Maybe they didn’t speak English? Gilbert quickly scolded himself checking his privilege, not many people had the opportunity to learn a second language. He wasn’t even good at it anyways but he was trying, he wanted to be able to understand the letter Thomas had written him many months ago. It felt redundant to write back in French to something he didn’t comprehend. He chuckled to himself, mother would never approve of him learning the ‘Neanderthals’ language but he would for Thomas._

_“Parlez-vous français, mon ami?”He asked. Lafayette quickly nodded their head and stood up off the ground. They fiddled with their cape and nodded, why were they so nervous? It was just them. Gilbert smiled and walked over leading them into the parlor._

_“Tu dois avoir froid”He said quickly. Lafayette’s head spun at the rapid fire French and they groaned. Gilbert frowned and reached over planting a hand on their forehead. Lafayette grumbled in protest, it was odd being doted over. Have they always been so parental?_

_“êtes-vous malade?”He asked._

_“parler anglais”They pleaded under their breath. A gust of wind fluttered through the window but Gilbert’s gaze was unwavering._

_“Are you ill sir?”Gilbert repeated softly. Lafayette quickly shook their head and pulled the cloak tighter around them. Gilbert turned back to the stove and placed a full kettle of water on turning the knob to high._

_“I am making tea and you are going to tell me how you got here, yeah?”He said. Lafayette almost snorted but nodded along compliantly. They were a sucker for French tea, haven’t had it since they’ve last visited France._

_“You know you share an uncanny resemblance to my friends brother”He said softly. Lafayette smiled, they almost asked which one but they couldn’t blow their cover just yet. Gilbert hummed softly and Lafayette closed their eyes swaying along, memories of their tenor days in choir fluttered across their lids. They miss the ability to carry a tune but puberty as it does came in and fucked everything up. Their voice dropped and grew a raspiness it hasn’t quite lost, they haven’t been able to sing since._

_“I’m not some dumb kid you know”He said suddenly. Lafayette furrowed their brows and looked up in interest._

_“I know fully well you could be here to steal or kill me but...I am lonely. Mother and Father left out of town with my brother Michel on a vacation to Austria to visit relatives. It’s a tradition that’s been happening for years. February vacation we would all saddle up and spend the week out there. I lied my way out of this year, claiming I had studies but I couldn’t bare the sight of it. My friend and I Thomas shared so many memories there together...many only for us”He said with a dreamy look in his big brown eyes._

_“You care for him”Lafayette said tentatively. They cringed and hunched their shoulder, the twos voices sounded almost identical. There was a beat but Gilbert didn’t register it._

_“I care for him greatly, it’s been two months since I’ve seen him. He left me a note but it is in English and I can’t read in English!”He rambled. Lafayette furrowed their brows again about to note the irony but let themself space out just a little. To their surprise Gilbert was still rambling on French. Huh. They shrugged, they guessed it was just translated._

_“But you...you seem to know English! If I fetch the letter will you read it to me? Please?”He begged clasping his hands together. Lafayette frowned but nodded, this would be the first time they’ve seen the letter since this day._

_“It is only fair as a repayment of your kindness”They said. Gilbert grinned and ran up the stairs shouting over their shoulder._

_“Watch the kettle!”_

_Lafayette chuckled and ran a hand through their hair. They missed being this hopeful and young. Always running, always kind, always so forgiving._

_“I’m back-woah!”He said tripping down the stairs. Lafayette winced, they remembered this moment clearly too. This was also the day they broke their arm. Gilbert looked up with glassy eyes and let out a cry of agony rolling onto his back. Lafayette quickly got up and kneeled on the floor next to him._

_“How bad is the pain on a scale of one to ten”They asked calmly.This was almost close to hospital protocol. They saw the posters plastered up in the infirmary all the time. They even had one in their office but it was more or less so mood related. Gilbert let out a choked sob and curled into a ball._

_“I’m guessing a ten”They sighed._

_“Fucking eleven!”He cried out cradling his arm._

_“Let me see it”They said advancing towards his arm._

_“No don’t touch it!”Gilbert cried out._

_“Gilbert. Let me see it.”They said sternly. Through the tears Gilbert’s eyes filled with confusion and fear. He laid silently and said nothing as Lafayette pressed a gentle hand against their arm._

_“Heal...please”They pleaded. Another gust of wind came through the window and Gilbert finally sat up shaking out his arm._

_“How did you do that...and how did you know my name?”He asked._

_“Not a concern for you Gilly, now how about I read you that letter?”they offered._

_“Oh! Yes please!”he exclaimed. Any traces of speculation ceased and they grabbed the letter holding it with a shaky hand. December 25th 1995, He had written it during Christmas Day._

_“My Dearest, Gilbert...”Lafayette started. Gilbert leaned their chin on their hand and listened intently._

_I hope this letter is sent to the right place, I kinda just put the big castle with the long trail. I have missed you my dearest friend, I hope you are doing alright. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I was leaving, I was afraid to say it to your face. You’re probably reading this and deeming me a coward but there is so much to say my Gilbert. I don’t write as well as you do, that’s just a fact. I haven’t managed to man the pen and paper like you do. ~~What I really wanted to say is that I love you~~  what I really want to say is that I hope you can forgive me for leaving you. It was not my intention, I didn’t want to leave on a sad note, I wanted to leave knowing you were happy. You were truly the belle of the ball, you were radiant and gorgeous and well I’ll let Mr George sand tell it for me. Il n’y a qu’un bonheur dans la vie, c’est d’aimer et d’être aimé. I am not quite sure of the English translation but this moves me and gives me hope. I hope that one day you find a wife who gives you lots of children,  ~~a wife who loves you at least a fraction of what I did~~  a wife who treats you right. I will not be coming back to France and this will be my last letter, I end it with this my companion. Amour veut tout sans nombre, amour n’a point de loi-Pierre De Ronsard. Take it as you must._

_Hopefully your dearest,_

_Thomas Jefferson d’amboise_

_Lafayette finished with a shaky voice bringing a hand up to cover their mouth. They read threw every single crossed out phrase the best they could. Gilbert did the same pulling their knees up to their chest. They remembered this day all too well and they knew what was happening next. They spent an entire night at this table translating and scribing the letter from English into French onto a separate sheet of paper._

_“H-he loves me...”He whispered shakily. All Lafayette could do is nod solemnly and rub their back._

_“How could he do this to me?”Gilbert croaked._

_“I do not know Mon Cher...”They whispered. Gilbert stood up and dusted off their pajama pants. The tea kettle whirled manically in the background. He snatched the letter from Lafayette’s grasp._

_“Tea is served”he said said cooly. He lifted the kettle off the fire._

_“No”Lafayette whispered._

_“You forfeit all rights to my heart...”He whispered lighting the letter aflame. He watched emotionlessly as the flame tore through the paper. He refused to drop it into the sink until every last piece disintegrated. He wasn’t content until the blue flames licked his thumb leaving a scar. He didn’t scream, simply turning on the faucet and running his hand under cool water._

_“Thank you Lafayette, you can wake up now”he said. Lafayette went to protest but gasped feeling a sudden chill wash over them._

“What happened!”They cried out sitting up in the bed. Their lap along with their torso was soaked in water.

 

“We thought you were dead laf jesus are you a heavy sleeper!”Alexander exclaimed.

 

“I’m sorry for scaring you Mon Cherie”They said earnestly pulling Alex on top of them.

 

“Now onto more pressing matters”John said.

 

“Yes my darling?”

 

“Any particular reason you were calling out for Thomas in your sleep?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations translations translations this is a big boy French chapter  
> ça suffit-stop it  
> bon garçon snowball un si bon garçon-good boy snowball such a good boy  
> baisers-kisses  
> Parlez-vous français, mon ami?-do you speak French my friend?  
> Tu dois avoir froid-you must be freezing  
> êtes-vous malade-are you sick?  
> Il n’y a qu’un bonheur dans la vie, c’est d’aimer et d’être aimé-There is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved  
> Amour veut tout sans nombre, amour n’a point de loi-Love wants everything without condition, love has no law


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for this

“It was nothing mon Cher”They reassuredstroking his arm. It did little to quell John’s jealousy. He huffed crossing his arms over his chest, his cheeks were tinted red. It was a common fact John literally went red with rage. Lafayette grew nervous and bit their bottom lip fiddling with the ring on their finger.

 

“Yeah but why were you dreaming about Thomas?”he pressed leaning back against the wall. All eyes were on them, their shoulders sagged and they casted their glance towards the ground gently lowering their head. They felt small, the tension in the air grew thick. John continued to stare them down refusing to soften his gaze.

 

“I don’t feel comfortable...”They whispered.

 

“If it was really nothing why won’t you just spit it out!”he growled slamming his palm against the wall. Lafayette jumped and pressed their nails into the palm of their hand suppressing a whimper. Hercules gripped onto John’s shoulder tightly and whispered something in his ear. The smaller boy huffed and let the door slam on his way out of the room. Alexander took a seat on the bed next to Lafayette and watched them closely. Their brows were furrowed and their chest rose and fell at an alarming rate. A tiny trail of blood dribbled down their lip from where they were biting. Alexander’s eyes widened in realization and quickly looked towards Hercules.

 

“Herc I think they’re having a panic attack. I need their box from the safe room”Alexander said carefully. He trailed his hand over Lafayette’s hand trying to gauge a reaction. A single tear rolled down their cheek as they stared at their lap. Their mind felt like it was switching between a horror film and static electricity. There was too much and too little going on. Hercules jogged out of the bedroom and down the hall throwing the safe room open. John was sat in the rocking chair picking at his nails.

 

“What’s wrong?”He asked.

 

Hercules narrowed his eyes at him and shook his head brushing the comment off.John didn’t deserve to know right now. He threw open the storage closet and pulled out a dingy cardboard box. Lafayette was lazily scribed down the side in black sharpie. It was covered in doodles and daffodils, after all they started out as an arts major.

 

“Hercules what’s wrong?”John demanded. He was now standing up with his arms still crossed across his chest. How could his posture look so angry yet concern still flashed through his eyes? Hercules lifted the box up and started walking out the door. John scoffed and quickly followed after pulling on his shoulder.

 

“What the hell man!”he exclaimed.

 

“Lafayette is having a panic attack. I don’t think you being in there right now would be helpful.”Hercules said cooly but his eyes held it all. They were darker than usual and held an edge that made John shudder. He sighed in defeat and nodded leaning against the wall.

 

“Jesus Christ took you long enough!” Alexander snapped once he finally entered the bedroom. He all but snatched the box out of Hercules hands and threw it on the bed. Hercules brushed off his annoyance and let Alexander take the reigns. For someone who handled their own panic attacks so poorly he was a pro at others. Alexander let out a noise of approval once he felt the soft material he was looking for. It was Lafayette’s baby lovie, a pastel yellow and white bumble bee they affectionately named abeille. He took a seat on the bed next to them and carefully held it out for them.

 

“ _C'est votre doudou_ ”He said quietly. Lafayette didn’t even blink at the sound of his voice. It sounded like they were under water, they were terrified. They tried time and time again to swim closer to the surface to reach him but they were pulled back under. They were screaming but no sound was coming out. Two more tears rolled down their cheeks.

 

“I’m going to touch you”he warned softly. He gently grabbed one of their hands and pried at their fingers unclenching the fist it was wound so tightly in. He whispered words of praise and gently placed the lovie in their hand. The storm came to a halt and Lafayette slowly closed their fist around the lovie. Alexander smiled and stroked their arm.

 

“That’s it baby, it’s all yours. No one is going to take it from you”He said gently. The words rang clearer through their conscious and they slowly pulled the lovie up to their chest cradling it. Slowly shifting their focus towards the little bumblebee they would have smiled if they could have. It’s been an eternity since they’ve needed abeille. They almost forgot they brought it here with them but Alexander remembered and that meant everything.

 

“ _Mon doudou_ ”They whispered hoarsely. Their throat felt like sandpaper. Hercules took this as an opportunity to truly give the two a chance to be alone together and left to fetch water. Alexander smiled and scooted closer brushing a few stray curls away from their face.

 

“Welcome back baby, you scared us”he said softly. Lafayette’s heart plummeted and all the emotions came rushing back at once causing their eyes to water and their bottom lip to tremble. Alexander stroked their cheek and wiped away a tear that fell hushing them.

 

“It’s okay _mi amor_ it’s not your fault. Did John’s pressing make you feel a lil anxious?”He asked. Lafayette nodded their head slowly.

 

“How are you feeling now?”he asked. Lafayette’s eyes widened and they shrunk in on themself holding Abeille closer.

 

“It’s okay, you’re okay. I won’t force you to speak. We can just lay here for a while, would you like that?”He said. Lafayette nodded their head. Alexander propped himself up against the headboard and patted his lap. Lafayette looked at him incredulously seeming to gesture at the size difference.

 

“You’re good baby, I’ve had Hercules lay on my lap before”He reassured. That seemed to ease their mind a bit as they inched closer, Alexander smiled encouragingly.

 

“That’s it sweetheart”he whispered once Lafayette was settled in his lap. Lafayette blushed softly and squirmed at the attention. They were so used to being the protector, the one to give reassurance, to make everything better. It was strange to be on the receiving end of it, they felt guilty. This wasn’t their role in this relationship, they didn’t deserve to feel this way. Their was a specific way things worked, a routine. This wasn’t supposed to happen, they were interfering with the routine.

 

“What’s wrong honey?”Alexander said knitting his eyebrows together in confusion. No no no this was all wrong, the pet names sounded forced. Alexander never would have been so sweet on them if they weren’t in such a terrible state. Whether the two wanted to believe it or not it was out of pity. The kindness, the sweet talk, the gentle reassurances was all pity. Lafayette felt the water begin to rise again and they let out a gasp of air. Why were they freaking out? They haven’t had a panic attack in years. The room around them grew spotty before it all faded to darkness.

 

_Lafayette sat up and rubbed their head letting out a soft yelp. They looked down at their attire and groaned. The same breeches, the same cloak, the same damn place. It was like time had frozen. They were seated next to the chair of the parler. They cursed their subconscious, they couldn’t at least appear in the chair? They grumbled to themself and took a seat in the chair. The minute they sat down everything started._

_Gilbert’s back was pressed flush against the wall. His knees tucked under his chin and his curls stuck to the nape of his neck. It was hot, it was entirely too hot but they were freezing. In that moment nothing felt real, he dug his nails into his arms and scratched. He felt nothing._

_“Gilbert!”Lafayette cried out. Their presence went unnoticed, it’s like they weren’t even there._

_He let out a cry of frustration and continued scratching. He needed to feel something, anything. Lafayette’s eyes were wide and all they could at this point was stare. down. They never wanted to think about this night, let alone relive it. The years of repressed pain ached dully in their chest. It was like splitting open an old wound. They slid out of the chair and took a seat next to him. It broke their heart that they couldn’t comfort him._

_He might have been crying or it could have been sweat. He wasn’t sure anymore. His chest rose and fell rapidly as he tried to catch his breath. He was drowning but he was on land, choked gasps and pleads to god were met with silence. The silence was too loud, it was unnerving._

_“Thomas!”he shouted. It echoed throughout the castle mocking him as the sound bounced back, taunting him,showing his weakness._ _The boys name fell from his tongue reverently, it was the only thing he could cry out. He screamed in frustration and banged his head against the wall. Thomas wouldn’t come for him, Thomas didn’t care about him. The brown of his skin began to bleed red and he laughed. He threw his head back once again and fell into hysterics. Thomas would never come back for him. No matter how loud he shouted, how hard he cried he was never coming back._

 

“Lafayette!”Alexander exclaimed pinching their thigh. Laf shot up and looked at him with wild eyes.

 

“Baby I’m really worried, we should really make you an appointment with your doctor”he said. Baby the word sounded so wrong coming from him, it felt so routine. Wake up,go to work,someone has a meltdown,cry, go to bed. Lafayette was sick and fucking tired of routines. That’s what their whole life was, sit up straight,smile at guests,don’t speak unless spoken to. They missed the spontaneity their youth brought, they missed....no. They quickly shook their head and grabbed Alex’s hand.

 

“I will make an appointment”They promised.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations   
> C'est votre doudou-it’s your doudou


	38. Laurens interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas and happy holidays everyone! I hope this chapter is to your liking  
> Let the angst begin!

“John be reasonable”Alexander pleaded. John crossed his arms tighter and furrowed his brows. The permanent frown on his face only shifted as he went to speak.

 

“Alexander I think I’m being perfectly reasonable. Lafayette has never even mentioned Thomas once and suddenly they’re calling for him in their sleep? Is that not even the slightest bit suspicious?”He countered. Alexander sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

 

“John-“

 

“And on top of that there’s been multiple opportunities for them to fess up. They know damn well you work with Thomas, why didn’t they say anything?”He said. Alexander rolled his eyes and took a step forward.

 

“How much do we really know about Lafayette?”he asked.

 

“They’re from France and they came here on a scholarship for school?”John said in confusion. Alexander nodded.

 

“Do you really think that might be the whole story? We don’t know anything about them from when they were born to when we started dating. That’s a solid thirty years we haven’t been in the picture!”he exclaimed.

 

“So what if we don’t know their life story? They don’t know mine but I’m not calling out for fucking Aaron burr in my dreams!”John said matching his volume.

 

“Your jealously blinds you! It-“

 

“Cut the Shakespeare bullshit and give it to me straight!”he screamed taking a step closer. Alexander could feel John breathing down his neck as he panted.

 

“Or are you too good for plain English?”He continued.

 

“You know that’s not true”Alex growled.

 

“Oh but do I really? You just think you’re so fancy with that degree up on the wall don’t you?”He said.

 

“What are you trying to get at?”Alex said through clenched teeth.

 

“It’s a front. This whole posh eloquent act you got goin on is a front. You just wanna forget where you came from. Newsflash no matter how hard you try to forget you’ll always be Alexander from the barrio just like I’m jacky from the block!”he spat.

 

“I’m not trying to forget where I came from, I just practice proper English. If that’s not to your liking sorry about it”Alex said.

 

“You disgust me”John spat.

 

“Why is that?”Alexander said in the calmest voice he could muster.

 

“You won’t put up a fight!”John screamed digging his nails into his palms.

 

“Yeah because I know that’s what you want! Lil jacky always itching for a fucking fight!”he screamed back. John took one step closer, the two men were practically chest to chest.

 

“I’ll fuck you up Alexander Hamilton”he said lowly.

 

“No, you won’t. You can’t handle all of your problems by fighting them away in an extravagant flaunt of dominance!”Alex exclaimed.

 

“You’re a fake”John snorted.

 

“You’re a coward”he snarled. John’s lips pursed in a tight line and he grabbed the front of Alexander’s shirt slamming him against the wall. Alex let out a groan as his head hit the wall with a loud crack. The air in the room stilled, Alexander was hurt and downright pissed.

 

“John Laurens put me down right now before you regret it”he warned. John looked at him with nothing but boredom and danger lacing his amber eyes.

 

“Not until you give me a fight sweetheart”he said.

 

“This conversation was about Lafayette”Alex said after a few seconds.

 

“Well now it’s about you, funny how conversations change. I thought you would have grasped the concept of that atKing’s college”he said sarcastically. Alexander narrowed his eyes at him andgrunted pushing John back. The amber eyed man hit the floor in surprise as Alexander collected himself. He was shaking. His fists were clenched at his sides as he stared at John fiercely. They weren’t teenagers anymore in the barrio, Alexander was going to stand his ground. The smirk on John’s face was almost like a glimpse of the past. It was entirely too cocky for Alexander’s liking. John tried to scramble to his feet but Alexander crawled on top of him and pinned him down.

 

“Stay. Down. ”Alexander said lowly.

 

“Like hell I will!”John barked trying to roll the other man over but he wouldn’t budge.

 

“Ya know there were so many clubs at Kings college like debate,cooking and oh!the wrestling team.”Alexander said. The look on John’s face left him with a twisted satisfaction.

 

“And me Mr eloquent douchebag who seems to denounce his upbringing was the captain of it. So stop fucking fighting it because you’re just annoying me at this point”Alexander said sternly. John nodded underneath him and went bonelessly pliant. Alexander pinned his hips to the ground for a few more minutes letting the curly haired man catch his breath. John was red all the way from the tips of his ears down his chest.

 

“Are you cool now jacky? If I let you up can we talk about this like adults?”He said. John nodded and Alexander slowly rolled off of him. Alexander jumped to his feet and helped John off the floor, they both moved to the couch.

 

“I’m sorry-“

 

“No hard feelings jacky, wasn’t any different from High school”he shrugged.

 

“I have an appointment with Eliza soon, I’m um...gonna talk about my anger issues”John said meekly.

 

“Good...Jesus christ John we haven’t fought like that in years. It honestly scared me a bit-“

 

“Alexander I didn’t mean to-“

 

“Shut the fuck up and let me talk.”Alex exasperated. John immediately shut his mouth and shifted uncomfortably, his back hurt but he wouldn’t say anything.

 

“I wasn’t scared of you, I’ve never been scared of you. I was scared of me because I was getting really angry, if you would’ve pushed me any farther I was going to swing John”he said. John’s breath hitched and his eyes flooded with what could have only been described as excitement. Alexander sent him a disapproving glance and clicked his tongue.

 

“This isn’t healthy John”he said.

 

“What isn’t healthy?”John asked.

 

“Your need to fight, I thought it would go away as we grew up but clearly it hasn’t.”He said.

 

“It’s not a need...it’s just a really strong want”John defended.

 

“That’s even more worrying, I think you should bring that up to Mrs.Schuyler in your appointment.”he said. John nodded his head solemnly.

 

“Also you’re going to apologize to Lafayette-“

 

“Absolutely not!”John shouted jumping to his feet.

 

“John. Go apologize.”Alexander hissed through gritted teeth.

 

“Why should I? I can admit everything else I said earlier was wrong but what I said about Lafayette still stands”he said.

 

“John I will pin you back to the ground”he threatened.

 

“Go ahead fucking try me-no better yet swing at me Alexander, isn’t that what you wanted? Bruise me up? Give me a taste of my own medicine?”John taunted.

 

Alexander growled under his breath and kept himself grounded. He couldn’t give into John’s relentless taunting, he was trying to teach him a lesson.

 

“I know you want to Alexander, hit me you bastard!”John shouted.

 

“Do not. Call me a bastard”Alexander growled.

 

John smirked and bounced on his heels.

 

“What are you going to do about it?”He asked. Alexander stared at him coldly andwalked out of the room slamming the door to his study.

 

John blinked and slowly lowered himself back onto the couch.

 

That’s not what he wanted to happen.


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A double holiday update because I love you all and I’m in the giving mood! Thank you everyone for the sweet comments, that’s really a big motivation for me to keep writing this book. I love constructive criticism and overall opinions on characters and stuff like that! I’d still like to do a Q&A chapter with some of the characters later on if y’all would be interested

The appointment in question came sooner rather than later much to John’s dismay. He was jammed in the children’s waiting room as the adult one was too stuffy. It made John’s skin crawl to see that many children in such a limited space, so many germs. The shrill cries of newborns getting their first shots rang through his skull like a bullet. He growled under his breath and tried to make himself comfortable in the tiny plastic chairs. A little girl with brown skin and black braided hair walked up to him and smiled kindly. His fight or flight instincts kicked in in full affect. _No no no no-_

 

“ ‘scuse me Mr. can I use that pink crayon?”she asked pointing next to him. He let out a sigh of relief and put on a polite smile sliding the crayon over.

 

“Thank you!”She said and took the seat right next to him at the circle table. He was inwardly screaming and tried to make as much distance between the two as possible.

 

“My name is Theodosia, what’s yours?”she asked. Theodosia...that sounded familiar, maybe Alexander said somethin about it-

 

“Oh Theo there you are!...I see you made a friend” low and behold there was Aaron burr. It was unusual to see him in casual wear, he had on a pair of jeans and a Kings college sweatshirt. The tension in the room grew as John sat there frozen.

 

“I did! His name is...well...I don’t know what his name is but he’s nice! He let me use the pink crayon! That’s my favorite color daddy”she said. John’s head spun at how quickly she changed topics but Aaron just chuckled and sat down next to her.

 

“I thought your favorite color was yellow, princess?”He asked. She shrugged and stared longingly at the pink crayon, a much too serious look on her young face.

 

“Pink was mommy’s favorite color...so it’s mine now too”she said softly. John’s breath hitched and suddenly he understood.

 

“Well I think pink is a very nice color”he said softly. Theo looked up at him with an almost shy smile.

 

“Ya think so?”she said.

 

“Mhm, it’s actually one of my favorite colors too”he said. It was a total lie of course but he was a little out of practice in the department of little kid small talk.

 

“Was it _your_ mommy’s favorite color too?”she asked. Aaron’s eyes went comically wide as he tried to diffuse the situation.

 

“Theo!-“he started but John shook his head.

 

“She’s a kid burr, it’s cool”he said softly. Aaron took that as answer enough but Theo was looking at him expectantly.

 

“My mommy’s favorite color was blue, it reminded her of the ocean”he said. Theo’s eyes lit up and she bounced in place, the yellow beads in her hair jingled with every bounce.

 

“That’s awesome! My mommy liked the beach a lot! She was so pretty, was your mommy pretty?”she asked. John let out a shaky chuckle and fiddled with his hands, childlike innocence was so pure.

 

“My mommy was the most beautiful woman in all of Puerto Rico.”he said.

 

“Even prettier than Beyoncé!?”she gasped. John was full on laughing at this point, this little girl was growing on him.

 

“Yeah, even prettier than Beyoncé. Her name was Eleanor”he said. The name was sweet on his tongue, reminded him of home.

 

“My mommy’s name was Theodosia, just like me!”she said. She was no longer looking at him as she started on a tinkerbell coloring sheet. He felt his eyes blur with tears and he blinked them away straightening his posture. This is what he was afraid of. Kids are inherently harmless but they make you admit so many things, things you’re not ready to relive. Aaron looked at him with what can only be described as pity and tapped Theo’s shoulder.

 

“I think that’s enough Theo, why don’t we look at the fish tank in the other room?”he suggested.

 

“Fish tank!”she cheered and immediately jumped out of her seat clutching on to his hand.

 

“Come on daddy! Fish tank fish tank fish tank!...”she chanted dragging him down the hall. The squeals of excitement grew quieter until there were non, only crying babies and Disney junior blasting on the flat screen plastered in the corner.

 

What John would give to see his mother...

 

“John?”a soft voice rang. He looked at the sound of his name and immediately all the tears that were collecting in his tear ducts fell. Eliza looked at him with mild concern and walked over, she wore a pink maternity dress. Her bump was getting bigger, was this how pregnancies worked?

 

“John are you alright? Let’s get you up to my office, we’re taking the elevator”she said softly. He nodded and let himself be led out of the waiting room hanging his head low in shame. The elevator ride was short and soon enough they were in the psychiatric ward.

 

Her office was quiet and neat, the same as it was last time he was here.

 

“You look very pregnant”he blurted out. She smiled and placed a hand on her belly taking a seat.

 

“You are correct”she said.

 

“I-I know but like...more pregnant than...normal?”he said slowly.

 

“You’ve busted me. Twins”she said. He let out a gasp and coughed violently bent over at the waist. She refrained from rolling her eyes and whacked his back until he was breathing regularly. With a shaky breath he sat up and wiped that drool that collected at the corner of his mouth.

 

“Yes I know, my wife had the same reaction. We’re actually in the process of adopting a little boy as well so by 2019, a very very full house”she said with a sigh.

 

“Wait wait backtrack you’re adopting? From where?”he asked. She looked at him for a few moments and pursed her lips.

 

“St.Marys...in Harlem”she said quietly. The grin that took over John’s features was almost a Christmas miracle. His eyes flooded with tears and he smiled running a hand through his hair. Some lucky little boy was going to get out of that hell hole, he was going to live a wonderful life with Eliza. Instead of the usual sinking John’s spirits elevated and he couldn’t help but stand up and pull Eliza into a hug. He made sure to watch the belly but squeezed her tightly, this was a beautiful moment. He was someway living vicariously through this little boy but he didn’t care, everything else he wanted to talk about went out the window. Once he finally pulled away he let out a giddy laugh and sat back down crossing his legs over repeatedly before opting to bounce one.

 

“W-wha-what’s his name? How old is he? What does he look like? Do you have a picture? Hell can I be his uncle?”he asked rapid fire. Eliza’s eyes widened and she cautiously pulled out her phone.

 

“John...I can tell over our sessions our relationship has gotten more friendly-which I’m okay with! Just as your therapist I’m not allowed to share certain things so I am going to give you two options. You can either keep me as your therapist and keep our relationship professional or you can denounce me as your therapist and we can continue-“

 

“I John Hamilton Laurens denounce you Elizabeth Schuyler as my therapist amen praise Jesus! Now let’s get goin!”he whined bouncing in place. Eliza snorted and scribbled down a few notes logging the new information into the system.

 

“Now just because I’m not officially your therapist doesn’t mean I can’t give you therapist advice”she said. John’s eyes lit up at that notion and he bounced happily.

 

“Okay okay! Tell me about your new little boy! And your little ones!”he said poking her stomach. She giggled and slapped his hand away ushering him back into his seat.

 

“John what’s got you so excited about children all of a sudden?”she asked. He sat contemplatively for a few beats and let out a breathy chuckle.

 

“I really don’t know, but let’s get on with it before my hatred of children suddenly comes back”he joked. She grimaced a bit and made a mental note of prodding deeper into that subject later.

 

“Well the little sweethearts name is Philip, he’s five years old and well John...he kinda looks like you if I’m being honest. You put a ponytail in that kids hair and you two are identical, here”she said holding out her phone. On the screen in front of him was a little boy wearing a dinosaur shirt, he was sitting on a woman’s lap who was smiling fondly at him. He smiled wide at the camera seemingly pointing at something, his two front teeth were missing.

 

“He’s precious”John whispered. Eliza slid to the next photo and it seemed pretty candid. The woman in question was tickling his tummy and he was holding onto her arms seemingly flailing.

 

“The woman holding him is my wife Maria, gosh he’s already got her wrapped around his little finger. We can visit him weekly until the adoption process fully goes through which should be by Christmas time. I’m already thinking about what to do for his birthday...he’s never had one of those before. His parents were such awful people I-....I don’t understand how someone can have a child and not love them”she said softly placing a hand on her belly.

 

John felt overwhelmed, the love she had for this child was so radiant and pure. The anger he harbored in his heart momentarily melted away.

 

“Ya know I used to hate Christmas...”he said. She looked up at him and he’s never felt more safe, always ready to listen, to help. Eliza Schuyler was a blessing he didn’t know he needed.

 

“My adoptive parents never did shit b...back at St.Marys, all the other kids got stuff but me”he said. Her face shifted into an indescribable look of pain. She was almost to empathetic for this job.

 

“But I’m happy you’re adopting from there because he...Philip won’t have to go through the same things I went through. That place was cruel but thank you Eliza for making the thought of Christmas just a bit more bearable. You’re a fucking angel”he choked out. Eliza moved forward at once to encompass his shaking frame into a hug and for once...he didn’t pull away, he didn’t snap. He leaned into it with all his weight, all his emotions and just felt. He fell to his knees and in pressed his forehead against her belly.

 

“You two are going to do wonderful things just like your mother, you hear me? You’re gonna go off to college and do big things in this world however you can. _Gracias a Dios por esta bendición_ ”he whispered and pressed a gentle kiss to it. He looked up and quickly scrambled to his feet at the quirk of her eyebrow.

 

“I’m sorry that was weird I just-“

 

“John honey I’m a therapist, not many things weird me out. This was actually very moving and I’m trying my best not to cry because I have a patient after you. I was just trying to piece together the Spanish, four years of Spanish in high school does nothing for you”she groaned.

 

“Just a little blessing for thing one and thing two. I may not seem it but I’m religious, St.Mary’s does that to you”he joked.

 

“Are you religious by choice or by force?”she asked calmly.

 

“I thought it was by force in my angsty teen years, a few years in jail really helps you figure that out”he said. She nodded and they both took their respective seats.

 

“Here is my number, the baby shower and gender reveal is in October. I hope you can make it, it’s at my sister Angelica’s house”she said.

 

“I’d love to be there, c-can I bring my partners...or is that too much? I don’t really know who gonna be the-“he rambled.

 

“Okay John deep breaths, it’s totally fine for you to bring your partners”She said

 

“Okay good because-oh shit...”he groaned.

 

“What’s wrong?”she asked.

 

“I’m kinda in the doghouse right now”he explained.

 

“Why?”she asked.

 

“I was being a complete asshole to Lafayette and that pissed Alexander and Hercules off...”he said.

 

“You don’t sound too sure”she said.

 

“What do you mean?”he asked.

 

“About being an asshole, It doesn’t sound like you believed it”she said

 

“Because I don’t”He said with a defeated sigh.

“But if everyone else does my opinion don’t mean shit”he groaned

 

 

“Why do they think you’re an asshole?”she asked.

 

“Because I interrogated the hell out of Lafayette a few days ago, they were calling out for another man in their sleep. In the years we’ve been dating them they’ve never brought him up once but now suddenly that’s their old best friend from France?”he said in aggravation.

 

“When Alexander went to confront me we got into it and I called him a bunch of names and he tackled me to the ground and it wasn’t pretty”he said. She went to speak up but he raised a hand.

 

“Don’t even try to cry domestic abuse because that’s just how we are. We grew up in Harlem, we play rough”he explained. She frowned but stayed silent, that seemed to answer her questions.

 

“So basically I’m in deep shit because I still can’t find it in me to sincerely apologize”he said.

 

“John you’re most likely jealous”she said.

 

“Jealous of what! That magenta suit wearin southern drawl havin prick!?”he exclaimed.

 

“When you think of this man what’s the first emotion that comes to-“

 

“Anger.”he said through clenched teeth. She sighed.

 

“Why?”she asked.

 

“Because that son of a bitch is in my partner’s dreams! You don’t have the right to disappear for like thirty years then come back and suddenly win your way back into their heart!...that’s not fucking fair”he growled.

 

“Maybe you should have a sit down conversation with Lafayette about how they feel about this man-what’s his name?”she asked.

 

“Thomas”he said.

 

“Have a sit down with Lafayette about Thomas, just the two of you and see if that clears the air. Good relationships are built on trust and understanding. I think the only reason Lafayette isn’t sharing this with you is because they’re scared but I can’t be sure”she said.

 

“Why would they be scared?”he asked.

 

“You have a tendency to lash out when things don’t go your way, you might need a different dosage of anger medication”she said thoughtfully.

 

“Come on I haven’t had a meltdown in-“

 

“John. What you’re describing to me is a low grade meltdown”she said.

 

“Come on ‘Liza!”he whined.

 

“Nope. While I’m still you’re therapist we’re getting this ball rolling. I care for you and want you to live to the best of your ability”she said sternly.

 

“Yes ma-“he started but quickly stopped himself eyes wide in horror. Eliza looked at him similarly and he quickly stood up. There was no bite to his voice, no malice, no sarcasm, just genuine petulance.

 

“Did you just-“

 

“Gotta go Eliza I’ll uh see you later!”he said quickly grabbing his jacket and rushing out of the room.

 

“John wait!”she called out.

 

He ignored her pleads and quickly ran down the back staircase taking the side door out of the building. Ever so often he would look over his shoulder just to make sure she wasn’t there.

 

What the fuck was happening to him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations  
> Gracias a Dios por esta bendición-thank you god for this blessing


	40. Quiet Uptown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst angst angst hope ya love it and leave a comment if you please

This was the worst birthday they’ve had in years. The trip to Maine was called off for obvious reasons and it was uncharacteristically cold for September. It was also snowing, Lafayette hated the snow. It reminded them of winter and everything always went wrong in the winter. They called their boss the night before and made it known they were coming into work today. They slowly rolled out of bed, the tension in the room made their skin crawl. They haven’t spoken to John nor Alexander, the ring on their finger made them feel queasy. They wanted to call Thomas, have a shoulder to lean on. But there were already speculations of them being unfaithful, they couldn’t fuel the fire.

 

Unfaithful.

 

That’s when it dawned on them, John thought of them as unfaithful. Sure the thought of Thomas made their stomach tie itself in knots but they were not being unfaithful. This was putting a strain on all of their relationships, they were cornered. That’s how they found themself on the floor in the kitchen quietly sobbing to Angelica at 5:00am and oh bless her heart as she listened. The Schuyler sisters were birds of a feather in that way, always listening,always understanding,never judging.

 

“Lafayette honey...I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go into work today”she said.

 

“N-no I need to do something...need to help someone”they choked out.

 

“But you need to help yourself first and I’m gonna be blunt with you right now. You being an emotional wreck will not be any help to others. Your office is a safe place, yes?”she said.

 

“ _Oui_ ”They said quietly.

 

“you going in there harboring all this negative energy will only bring your patients down with you. You can not help others before you help yourself. That’s what self care is Lafayette. As a therapist you preach it but you need to practice what you preach _mon cher_ ”she said.

 

“You speak my native tongue”They said shakily.

 

“My sisters and I studied abroad in France but that’s not important right now. I need you to go take a shower, get dressed and be ready by 7:00am.”she said.

 

“Thank you _ange_ but where are you taking me?”They asked.

 

“It’s a surprise”she said giddily. They bid their goodbyes but as soon as she hung up they felt alone again. They don’t know how long they spent sitting in the kitchen but the sound of the front door opening momentarily dragged them out of their trance. There Angelica stood wearing light pink skinny jeans and a cream colored skirted pea coat. Lafayette suddenly felt bashful under her gaze as they stared down at their tattered pajama bottoms and naked chest.

 

“So that’s who you’ve been fucking”John said. His voice was startling calm as he leaned up against the doorframe. Angelica took off her beanie and stared at him in confusion.

 

“What are you ta-“

 

“No no it’s cool, you’re a pretty lil thing I approve”he deadpanned. Despite the emotionless sound he was going for it was teetering on venomous. That made Angelica’s blood boil. Her nostrils flared as she stomped up to him fists clenched at her sides. She sized him up. Lean but muscular, almost eye level with her and seemingly unstable.

 

“First of all I’m not fucking your partner, Lafayette is a friend of mine. Second of all I’m not gonna stand here and let you talk about me like I’m some sort of object. Third of all if you’re John then boy you’ve got a lot of shit coming your way, come on Lafayette”she snapped and spun away from him. John’s eyes widened in bewilderment, he wanted to apologize but he couldn’t. He racked his brain and settled on something more appropriate.

 

“So you’re really leaving Laf?”he asked.

“After all we’ve been through this is really how you’re walking out?”

 

“Oh would you please save the melodramatic shit! I’m bringing them back later, it’s their birthday and I’m taking them out.”She countered.

 

“I don’t think I was asking you chicken legs”he argued.

 

“Chicke-boy if you knew what was good for you you’d-“

 

“Stop it”Lafayette whispered but it had the force of a fighter jet behind it. The room went silent, they rubbed their head as they felt the familiar tension grow. A headache was in order after the stress this morning had put on them. They’ve only been awake a mere two hours.

 

“John I can not do this right now”They continued. John locked his jaw and crossed his arms over his chest. The cold look in his eyes sent a shiver down Lafayette’s spine. They felt helpless, unable to breath as their chest constricted and they couldn’t force the words out. John soon grew tired of the silence and supplemented his two cents in place of it.

 

“Lafayette I’m warning you, if you walk out that door don’t bother to come back”he said. That threw off their train of thought. They had a whole speech planned, an entire way to diffuse the situation but they choked and spoke too late. They always spoke too late.

 

“Then I won’t...goodbye John”They said in defeat and walked out the door. The cool air bit at their exposed chest but they didn’t care. The way the frost bit at their nose brought uncomfortable nostalgia with it. It reminded them of winter, everything went wrong in the winter.

 

Angelica shouted a few choice words at John which roused the entire house. The hallway lights turned on and soon enough Hercules and Alexander were walking out of the bedroom in their matching robes. Alexander was alarmed at the presence of a female but Hercules was more surprised than anything.

 

“Angelica? What are you doing here?”He asked.

 

“You know her?!”John and Alex exclaimed at the same time. She shot John a glare and walked up to Hercules. Her face was wound tight into a frown as she poked his chest with every word.

 

“You keep John away from Lafayette or else”she threatened and walked towards the door but she wasn’t done. She had a million things to say, a million threats some were empty and some she would willingly put into place but this was neither the time nor the place. This wasn’t a race, to see who could get the last laugh, who could wound their opponent the fastest. It was the every lasting effect that would leave her most satisfied. So she chose her words wisely, secretly plotting.

 

“And John, god dammit I hope you’re satisfied!”she growled and with that she slammed it shut rattling their framed pictures on the wall.

 

Lafayette was sat on the front steps visibly shivering, snow collected in their hair and they were cold to the touch.

 

“Oh no honey come on”she said and grunted pulling them up and into the car. She dug around frantically for emergency blankets and wrapped them up. A person of their size looked silly wrapped up in a rubber ducky themed children’s blanket but it was the best she could do.

 

“Wear this”She said taking her beanie off and pulling it over their head. Lafayette wanted to protest, wanted to say she’s done more than enough for them but the words couldn’t leave their mouth. The moment passed it was too late. They always spoke too late. She put the car into drive and backed out of their driveway driving as fast as she could. She sped away from the house immediately turning on to the highway not wanting to let the memories marinate.

 

“You’re not going back there Laf, not while you’re this upset”she said. They said nothing as the tears rolled down their face, they had forgotten Abeille. Their one and only doudou, their last childhood memory gone left in...in that place. She placed a hand over theirs and rubbed it feeling her heart shatter. She was an empath like her sister but had a harder time hiding it. The best she could do in this situation was talk. Talk as much as she could, leaves no time for wallowing, for reflection, for damage.

 

“I have a daughter, her name is Amelia. She would love to have you there...along with my girlfriend Charlotte, will you stay with us?”she asked gently. Lafayette couldn’t find the words to say as guilt settled in their stomach. They had left John, he confided in them and they left just because things got a little tough, a little too hard to bare.

 

 _Check your privilege_ they heard their younger self say in a chilling voice, they shivered. Angelica thought they were still cold so she turned the heat up to the highest setting and even tried to offer up her jacket. It was a sweet gesture in theory but the material would do little to warm them.

 

“I live in upper Manhattan, our house is nice and we own a plot of land” she said.

 

“It’s quiet uptown, you would like it uptown”

 


	41. Raise a glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The best chapters always come when I don’t plan on writing. I hope you guys enjoyed a little insight on Alexander who’s been keeping his silence for a while

3:00am. The cold air bit his cheeks rosy as he sat and pondered. Thinking back on today made his stomach turn like a washing machine on rinse cycle. His heart felt heavy in its cage sandwiched between the two men, it was barely beating. That’s how he found himself sitting on the balcony staring at the buzz of the city below him blanketed in white. He wouldn’t fall, no. He’s done this much too many times to fall. Looking behind him his heart shattered. Ginger the kitten was fast asleep on Lafayette’s sweater. The one he said smelled like grandma perfume. Alexander chuckled at the memory, Lafayette had looked so offended and went on an entire rant in French. Poor Alexander could barely keep up but seeing Lafayette speak so passionately fueled a fire within him. He would do whatever it took to keep that passion going. But it was much too late wasn’t it? He had his chance to speak up,to help,to put up a fight but when it came to John god he was helpless. He was rendered speechless by him for the first time since their marriage.

 

He no longer knew where his loyalty lay. Sharing the bed with the man who drove his sunshine away felt wrong but sleeping in a different room filled him with guilt. So he wouldn’t sleep, he would sit on the balcony and ponder, let the snowflakes dampen his hair. He was nursing a cup of black coffee as the urge to write flooded his system. He wanted to write a sonnet for them, a melody but he wouldn’t. Lafayette loved poetry and writing one they would never see was only in vain. It would never leave the safety of Alexander’s conscious, if John found it would he be next? There was no reason why not. After all he was little Alexander from the barrio, bastard,orphan,son of a whore. John could truly get reckless with his words, the argument after Lafayette had left felt like the duel of the century.

 

 _Bastard_. The words John spat with such force seemingly glued him to the floor. He could only stand there and stare. He hated that word with a passion and John just threw it around like it was the cool new slang. Like it was some new affectionate term for the man you married, the man who took you in after your incarceration-

 

He stopped his brain in its tracks, his thoughts were getting too bitter. The mug seemingly burned against his skin but at the same time did nothing to mask the cold he was feeling. Cold, the only warmth he seemed was Lafayette’s embrace but he choked. He spook too late, the moment had passed and gone it was all too late. Too late to make a difference, to late to say the right things. Lafayette was gone and essentially so was he. Physically he was still right there sitting on the balcony clutching his cup of coffee close to his chest but mentally his mind was a whirlwind of sonnets, of poetry, of memories, the hurricane,their first date,their first kiss,the first time they said I love you-he took a deep breath.

 

He digressed and closed his eyes counting back from ten.

 

Ten.

_“Alexander we have ten minutes to get out the door!”Lafayette’s voice rang._

_“ ‘m scared, why did I have to be the alumni speaker!”he whined fiddling with his cuff links. Lafayette strode over and set his suit straight smoothing back his ponytail. They smiled and rested their forehead against his._

_“You’re going to do amazing, you know why? You’ve got that big brain in their that creates words faster than I can think”They said and kissed his forehead._

_Suddenly he was ready._

 

Nine.

_“I do not understand the purpose of this game!”Lafayette whined petulantly. Alexander snorted and took a seat on the couch next to them._

_“Its to pass time while the cables out. I’m gonna give you a number and a color and you name the number of things in the room that have that color, understand?”he said. Lafayette nodded but still kept their arms crossed over their chest._

_“Hmmm white and nine”he said._

_“You”Lafayette said immediately. Alexander gave them a deadpan look as they chuckled._

_“Very funny”_

 

Eight.

_“English is a stupid language”Lafayette grumbled._

_“Why do you say that this time?”Alexander said._

_“Because eight and ate sound the same but they do not mean the same thing”They sulked. Alexander chuckled and patted Lafayette’s back comfortingly._

_“Don’t worry babe, not everything in this language is like that”he said._

_“What about their and there!?”They cried out throwing their text book on the table. Alexander took a quick glance and saw they were on the grammar section._

_“Oh shit...”_

 

Seven.

_“What are seven things you love about me?”Lafayette asked. For some reason that charmed Alexander out of his composure and he was doubled over with laughter. The spring air of Central Park calmed his rosy cheeks as he tried to collect himself. Lafayette was less than amused._

_“W-wh-why specifically seven!?”he cried out._

_“are you high or something!?”_

_Lafayette rolled their eyes and stretched across the picnic blanket._

_“Seven is my lucky number, just go with it you unromantic fuck”They said._

 

Six.

_6:00am the morning sun barely peeked through the curtains. It was chilly in the bedroom but he felt warm in Lafayette’s embrace. Their strong arms were wrapped around him and he felt okay for the first time in a long time. The two didn’t speak, Alexander wanted this moment to last forever. He took matters into his own hands and rolled over into Lafayette’s chest going back to sleep._

 

Five.

_“If you can do five laps around this ice skating rink I’ll pay you twenty dollars”Alexander said. Lafayette who was struggling to steady themself against the guiding bars protested profusely. With some gentle coaxing they finally agreed grumbling to themself. Alexander watched in mild horror and amazement as they pushed off and effortlessly circled the rink. They skated towards the center and twirled around a bit before skating back._

_“You little liar...”Alexander whispered in disbelief. Lafayette smirked and held out their hand._

_“I believe you owe me twenty dollars mon amour”They said._

_“Where did you learn to do that?”he asked._

_“France”They said._

_Of course. The answer was always France._

 

Four.

_“My name is Alexander”he breathed out holding out his hand. The party was still raving around them but this was like a moment frozen in time. Lafayette smirked and grabbed his hand gently pressing a kiss to it._

_“Lafayette, it’s a pleasure”They said._

_He blushed and rubbed the nape of his neck._

_“The pleasures all mine”_

 

Three.

_“I love you”Alexander whispered. It was still early and Lafayette was still asleep. His heart skipped a beat as they turned over in their sleep. He held his breath and released it all at once when they merely nuzzled against his chest. There weren’t many opportunities where Lafayette yearned to be held but the times that they did Alexander was always willing to provide. He pressed a kiss to their damp forehead and grimaced a bit. Lafayette just had to be a sweaty sleeper. He chucked at the little sigh of contentment they let out._

_“And love is love is love is love...”he whispered softly stroking their hair. It was a little something from a sonnet he was working on. Everything else had been rewritten and revised many times over but that’s the one line that stuck._

 

Two.

_“You angel!”Alexander said in shock holding up the journal. It was a soft baby blue leather and had his name engraved on it. Lafayette grinned and pulled him into a hug doting over his excitement._

_“Merry Christmas Alexander!”They cried out._

_“I-I know I wanted this but it was so expensive-“_

_“Shhh mon amour, money is not an issue. You worked hard for this, I can’t believe you’re working with Monsieur Washington! I am so proud of you!”They said. The minute Lafayette hit American soil they were bombarded with everything involving Mr Washington. Followed by Alexander’s excessive fondness they grew one of their own._

 

One.

_They were radiant. Dressed in all black, heels elongating their legs. Alexander felt his mouth go dry. He and John had been looking for an addition to their relationship and god damn and if this person wasn’t the number one candidate. They laughed with their friends and adjusted to black cat ears on their head. Alexander knew he needed to make a move before it was too late. He cut his way across the crowd and tapped their shoulder and they twirled around._

_“H-hello”_

 

Alexander was calm now but his coffee was cold. He took a sip and relished in the bitter taste of it. It tasted like reality, not that overly sweet cream drenched sugary bullshit. This was reality, you either relished in the bitterness or you spat at it.

Alexander remembers a time where he couldn’t stomach coffee. His mother loved it, had him propped up on her knee and let him have a little sip. Of course he spat it out and damn near cried at how bitter it tasted, he remembered the look on her face. She felt terrible but she couldn’t help being amused. He hated the taste of coffee for years after that, his last memory of his mother involved it. Illness had struck and it left them both wounded, rolling around moaning in pain and shitting the bed. The room vaguely smelled like coffee but he was never conscious long enough to get a good look around. They couldn’t afford to go to the hospital, his aunt sat and watched making sure no one died. She said it all in good humor but no one was laughing when the dawn of mourning came and there was no sunrise. It rained that day and low and behold when his fever finally broke and he could take a good of his surroundings their was an abandoned cup of coffee on the table.

 

Alexander sighed and held his mug towards the sky. A final goodbye was it? A chance to clear his conscience?

 

“Raise a glass to freedom”he whispered. He tilted his head back and downed the remnants in the cup. In a way it was fulfilling one of his mother’s last wishes. She just wanted to finish her damn cup of coffee but she never got the chance to. It always came right back up.

 

He held the mug to his chest and grimaced as his peace was plagued by unsavory memories.

 

_“It’s a front. This whole posh eloquent act you got goin on is a front. You just wanna forget where you came from. Newsflash no matter how hard you try to forget you’ll always be Alexander from the barrio just like I’m jacky from the block!”_

  _Alexander from the barrio_

_Alexander from the barrio_

_Alexander from-_

he shook his head and spat over the side of the railing. The title left a sour taste in his mouth.

Was that really all he would be remembered as? Would that really be his legacy? He shook his head and looked up at the sky. He wouldn’t let this become his legacy, he had to make his mother proud...he had to make himself proud.

 

“I have so much work to do”he whispered.

 

“Raise a glass wherever you are ma, I’m making you proud...even if it kills me”he said softly. He slid back onto the deck and closed the door gently. Ginger woke at the sound and meowed gently for his attention. He knelt down and picked her up walking to his study.

 

“Hey hey you’re okay”he whispered petting her gently.

“No wonder Laf loves you, god you’re so small”

 

He settled in the leather chair and pulled out the baby blue journal. He was going to write, write everything and anything that came to mind. Sonnets,songs,financial plans,spoken word.

 

 _Love is love is love is love_ he scribbled across the top of the page.

 

“Rest easy ma, I’m making you proud.”


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the softest chapter I’ve ever written, I love the Hamiltots so much. Leave a comment if you please, it really makes me happy

**October 10th**

It was definitely quiet uptown. It was anything but what Lafayette expected. They always thought of Manhattan as unnecessary hustle and bustle but you turn down one side street and suddenly you’re in suburbia. Big houses with plots of land spread out, not a single sky scraper in sight. The weather had taken another drastic turn and it was bordering on 90 degrees outside. Kids were running around in the streets playing with water guns, multiple people were hosting cookouts. Lafayette had never seen so many children in their life and their aunt had fifteen kids. They wanted to question where the hell all these children came from but they decided against it. They had more pressing matters to attend to.

 

“More tea _Monsieur Lafayette_?”Amelia asked in her poshest voice. Lafayette smiled kindly and held out their tea cup.

 

“ _s'il vous plaît, Mademoiselle Amelia_ ”They responded. She pondered for a few moments racking over the phrase.

 

“ _s'il vous plaît_ ”she repeated. Lafayette cheered and raised their cup in a toast. She giggled and did the same clinking their glasses together.

 

“ _Très bien mon cher_ , you’ll be speaking French better than me soon”They said.

 

Amelia squealed and shook her head rapidly the papillote curling tissue flying askew.

 

“Nu uh!”she cried out. Angelica sauntered from the from the patio to the backyard where the two were playing.

 

“Now I know tea is the drink of choice for your party but let’s be real it’s too hot for that, how about some lemonade?”she asked. Amelia stood up and cheered.

 

“Okay okay! Can you grab some napkins from inside sweetheart?”She asked.

 

“Yes mama!”Amelia called over her shoulder, she was already racing towards the door. Angelica took a seat next to laf and placed the pitcher on the table.

 

“How is her French doing?”she asked anxiously. Lafayette had convinced her that sending Amelia to a bilingual school would help her later on.

 

“ _Ange_ calm down you’re stressing too much, she’s four years old”They said offhandedly.

 

“That’s not what I asked”she snapped.

 

“Fine, she’s doing great. I was thinking we should ask her preschool teacher to send her some work packets to use for reference”They suggested. _We_. It sounded so domestic. Lafayette had practically taken over as the second primary caregiver in this house. Charlotte was having familial issues and had taken the first plane to the U.K.

 

“That’s a good idea Laf, when would you suggest starting the reading and writing portion of it?”She asked.

 

“I got it mama!”Amelia yelled running back outside. Lafayette smiled, she had somehow lost both shoes on her way back out.

 

“They’ll teach her all of that in immersion school. Let’s just give her a chance to be a child, yeah?”They suggested. Angelica took a look towards her to see the joyous girl jumping on the trampoline completely abandoning the tea party.

 

“Yeah Laf...that sounds like a great idea”she said.

 

“Mama! Mama! The sprinklers are on can we go!”She asked running back up to them. Angelica looked at the neat little barbecue she was planning and sighed.

 

“Ah what the hell, let’s go!”She cheered. Amelia squealed and grabbed Lafayette dragging them out of the backyard into the front where the Main Street was. Everyone in the neighborhood had their sprinklers on which created an almost biblical flood of cool water. Lafayette was a bit hesitant but Angelica and Amelia ran right in their clothes getting immediately soaked. Maybe this was a sign, stop thinking so much and just enjoy.

 

“Come on Laffy taffy!”Amelia giggled and bounced around. Lafayette chuckled and ran right in almost slipping on the wet grass.

 

“I’m gonna get you!”Lafayette growled playfully. Amelia squealed and ran in the opposite direction down the road prompting Lafayette to chase her. Lafayette caught up almost immediately and scooped her up flinging her over their shoulder. The papillote curlers were damp and falling out of her hair rapidly as they roughhoused. Angelica watched almost beside herself with delight.

 

“Mercy mercy!”Amelia cried as the tickling started.

 

“Uh uh uh _en français s'il vous plaît_ ”They prompted continuing their assault. It took her a few moments to figure out the words between gasping for air and laughing.

 

“ _pitié! pitié s'il vous plaît_!”she cried out. Lafayette immediately stopped and ruffled up her curls setting her on the ground.

 

“ _Très bien_ , you are free”They said. She immediately took off down the street towards a group of kids. In that moment Lafayette knew this is what they’ve been missing. In the span of a month Amelia soon became the light of their life, she was nicknamed soleil. Their absolute ray of sunshine.

 

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

“Hey little man”John said gently. The little boy in question hid behind Eliza’s legs shyly. John chuckled and pulled a small gift out of his backpack, he didn’t really know children etiquette but he thought it was best to not show up empty handed. Eliza smiled apologetically and turned to face Philip. She kneeled down the best of her ability and soothed him gently. John smiled as he looked down at him, he was so small. Barely came past Eliza’s hips, he was wearing dinosaur pajamas.

 

“Do you like Dinosaurs?”John asked. Philip gently peeked his head out but as soon as he realized John was watching he retreated again. John gently lowered himself to the ground sitting criss cross and placed the present in front of him.

 

“I like dinosaurs too”he said gently. The gentle tone in his voice piqued Philips interest. He clutched Eliza’s skirt in his hand and soon stepped out beside her.

 

“You do?”He asked quietly. John’s heart seemed to burst at the seams with affection. This child was the definition of adorable. Large hazel eyes and black curly hair that flopped all over his face.

 

“I do. My name is John”John said. Philip nodded and fiddled with the hem of Eliza’s skirt anxiously.

 

“M-my name is Philip”he said and immediately looked up towards Eliza with an expression that seemed to say _did I do it right? Are you proud of me?_ Eliza nodded with an encouraging smile, that seemed to put him at ease.

 

“This is for you”John said gently, aware that if he spoke to loud it would spook the boy.

 

“Mine?”Philip questioned taking a step towards the gift. It was poorly wrapped and covered in taped.

 

“Mhm all yours, no one is going to take it away from you”John said. That seemed to put Philip at ease as he bent down and quickly picked up the present holding it to his chest.

 

“Go ahead little man, open it”He said. Philip tore through the wrapping paper and gasped softly.

 

“ ‘Liza look...”he whispered and held it up for her to see. It was a small Dalmatian and fire truck from the show paw patrol. Eliza smiled and sent John and thankful look.

 

“It’s amazing Philip, are you excited to play with it?”She asked. Philip nodded his head and rushed over to John wrapping his arms around the man. John was stiff at first, frozen even but he melted into the hug and rubbed Philip’s back. Philip soon pulled away and sat on the ground rolling the fire truck around. John stood up and watched with Eliza as Philip giggled to himself making up countless scenarios.

 

“I think this little man has stolen my heart”he whispered.

 

“I said the same thing when I saw him, he warmed up to you pretty quick”she said.

 

“John! Come play!”Philip cried holding up the fire truck.

 

“Coming Philip”he said and sent Eliza a look that proved he was absolutely smitten with the boy.

 

“Can I take pictures?”He asked.

 

“Go nuts, just can’t post them anywhere”she said. That was good enough for him. He pulled out his phoneand took a few candid shots before Philip caught on. Surprisingly he was a good model, he gave the most heartwarming grin holding up the fire truck. In the next picture he had crawled into John’s lap and took control of the camera.

 

“A silly one!”he cried out. John crossed his eyes and stuck out his tongue, Philip squealed with glee and kicked his legs happily. John soon got hold of his camera again and smiled at the picture. Lafayette would...Alex. Alex and Hercules would love to see these. He shook his head quickly and picked Philip up causing him to squeal.

 

“Be careful!”Eliza scolded.

 

“I’ve got him Betsy, how’s about some ice cream Philip?”He asked. Philip cheered and John maneuvered the boy onto his shoulders.

 

“If I remember this area well enough the corner store is only a few blocks down”he said. Eliza let out an amused sigh and packed up Philip’s backpack.

 

And so they were off, they left the stoop of St.Mary’s foster home and made their way down the street. Eliza was concerned that Philip would overheat in the fleece pajamas he was wearing and coaxed him to take his shirt off.

 

“Don’t forget to buy water John”she reminded as they walked in.

 

“Jacky Laurens...I can’t believe it”the cashier said in awe. John blushed something fierce and was suddenly quite bashful.

 

“Hey tony, I see you still got this place runnin”he said.

 

“Till the day I die, how’s it been man?”Tony asked wiping his hands on his apron.

 

“It’s been goin good my man, Philip get whatever you want”He said and helped Philip off his shoulders. Philip immediately ran ramped down the isle to the freezer section.

 

“Who’s this pretty lady?”Tony said raising an eyebrow.

 

“That’s my friend Eliza, she don’t swing my way and I don’t swing hers either”he warned. Tony rolled his eyes and mumbled under his breath.

 

“You want a pack of cigs? on the house? Man it’s good to see you back”he said.

 

John could feel Eliza’s eyes burning into his skull.

 

“Nah man I uh...I really don’t smoke anymore”he said.

 

“Okay, that’s cool. How about ice cream on the house? Especially for your little friend, it’s hot out there”he said and gave a pointed look towards Philip.

 

“That would be nice Tony, thanks”he said.

 

Tony nodded and Philip came bounding back holding a bugs bunny ice cream and a power puff girls one.

 

“For ‘Liza”he said and handed it to her.

 

“Thank you Philip”she said. John got an Italian ice and handed tony a ten dollar bill despite him refusing.

 

“For keeping me off the streets as long as you could...thank you Tony”he said and with that notion left.

 

“Fire hydrants!”Philip said and took off running down the sidewalk.

 

“Philip!”Eliza cried out and took off after him.

 

“Fire Hydr-oh Hell Yeah!”John screamed and broke off into a sprint. It seemed like everyone in the neighborhood was outside now, little girls in their church dresses getting soaked. Even the sneakerheads were letting their J’s get wet. There Philip was in the middle of it all jumping around in the rapidly flooding street.

 

“What do I do?”Eliza groaned. John shrugged and peeled off his sneakers and his shirt.

 

“When in Rome”he said and ran in the middle of the street taking in the cool water. Memories of blazing hot summers were brought back to his mind and he smiled. He looked at Philip and Philip looked at him, he felt complete.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations  
> s'il vous plaît-please  
> Très bien mon cher-very well my dear  
> en français s'il vous plaît-in French please  
> pitié-mercy  
> soleil-sunshine  
> Ange-Angel


	43. Brown paper packages tied up with string

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy, leave a comment if you please

**November 17th**

“You seem to be in the spirit”Angelica mused as she bustled into the house. Her behavior was getting worrisome, this was beyond her usual busy body activities. Lafayette was stretched across the couch with a blanket wrapped around them, warm apple cider in hand. The spontaneous stretch of warm weather had came and gone, it was time for winter coats and scarves. The record player in the corner of the room was cranking out soft jazz music. They hadn’t taken the time to look at the artist but immediately fell in love when a jazzy rendition of _my favorite things_ played.

 

“I’m always in the spirit this time of year, fall in New York is beautiful”They said.

 

“It truly is...Lafayette-“she started but they held a hand up. She was not going to ruin their false sense of peace by bringing back reality.

 

“Not now Ange...please”They said. She sighed and nodded taking a seat on the couch.

 

“I just want you to know that you’re not being a burden, Amelia and I love you here but I...I know you miss them”she continued. Lafayette wanted to argue but they had no right, this wasn’t their house to act reckless in.

 

“I may miss them but they certainly do not miss me...they would’ve called. It’s been two months Ange, I think it’s over...”They said defeatedly. They removed their engagement ring a while ago keeping it in a jewelry box. It was so beautiful but it didn’t hold the same meaning anymore, it was just an object.

 

“You’ll never know until you try and you’ll have to face them eventually...”she said.

 

“Yeah yeah I know-“

 

“No Lafayette I mean soon. Eliza invited us to her son’s Adoption party which is next month...John,Alexander and Hercules will be attending”she said. Lafayette froze.

 

“Do we...do I have to go?”They asked carefully.

 

“Yes you have to go. Eliza’s been dying to meet you for the longest time, wants to talk therapy stuff with you.”she said.

 

Lafayette nodded.

 

“I don’t think John meant what he said, he’s not that cold-“

 

“You damned him to hell Angelica, what’s with the sudden turn around?”They snapped. When Angelica stared in response they took a deep breath and uttered an apology.

 

“This...this is why”she said holding up her phone. A picture of John tickling a little boy in dinosaur pajamas was on the screen. It was definitely candid, John was doing that big smile. It was goofy and made his face rosy from the sheer force of it. The little boy was mid laugh and had his eyes squeezed shut.

 

 _I think somebody will make a great uncle_

The text underneath read. The domesticity of the photo turned them on their head.

 

“That’s not the John I know...”They said.

Angelica took that as means to go on.

 

“Exactly that’s not-“

 

“No. The John I know hates children, he wouldn’t be caught dead in Harlem. He had a panic attack last time we drove through Harlem”They said quietly.

 

“Honey I think John is doing a bit of growing up, which honestly I think you should too”She said.

 

“ _Me?!_ I was the victim in this-“

 

“That’s exactly it Laf! You’re seeing the scenario in black and white instead of shades of grey! There is no one victim in this shit! You’re all the fucking victims and you all hurt each other someway somehow dammit!”She snapped.

 

“I don’t have to sit here and take this”Lafayette said standing up.

 

“Oh but you do cause you’re in my house, sit your ass back down!”she growled sending them flying back to their seat. They sent her a glare and ignored the fear racing through their chest. Angelica Schuyler was a force to be reckoned with happy but angry...she was insufferable.

 

 

“I need you to make things right Lafayette, they love you”She said softly.

 

They sighed and leaned back against the couch.

 

“How would you know if they di-do?”They asked. Angelica held up a brown paper package tied together with twine. It had a yellow tag on the side of it.

 

“This arrived this morning, check who it’s from”she said handing it to them. They held it firmly in their hands. Without checking the tag they knew who it was from, the only one who wrapped like he was running out of time.

 

“It’s from Alexander”They said softly.

 

“How do you know? You didn’t read the tag”she said.

 

“I’ve lived with Alexander for a long time mon cher, this has nothing on how they wrap Christmas presents”they said. They were Jewish of course but they still put up with the boys festivities and grew to enjoy them.

 

“Open it! I’m really curious now”Angelica said sitting on her heels. Lafayette chuckled as she peeked over their shoulder.

 

They neatly undid the twine and tried to open the paper to the best of their ability.

 

“Oh just rip it!”Angelica exclaimed. Lafayette did so and cringed the entire time at the ‘waste of perfectly good paper’. Angelica rolled her eyes and looked over again.

 

“That’s what he got you?”she said slowly.

 

Lafayette nodded and began reading the stapled sheets of paper.

 

_Love is love is love is love that’s all I can say when I think of you. You render me speechless, completely incoherent, incompetent even. I remember I would freestyle for you in Central Park, trip over my words just to make you laugh but alas Laf I’m getting too god damn old to do that anymore. I remember when we met you said you loved poetry and I told you I was a poet. I lied just a little bit to win over your affectionate, I’m just a man who sometimes knows which words go where and how to rhyme, reading Dr.Suess as a child used to be my favorite pastime. That was corny I can admit it, but I bet it made you smile. I wish I could see that dopey look on your face, that smile where your eyes crinkle at the side and your teeth are fully on display. That smile that makes me think ‘gah damn this baddie is mine’ I hope I’m using that term correctly, I’m not exactly hip as the kids say but I do try. I try to keep up with the times mainly for you, just as our nation you’re ever changing, always improving, making mistakes and trying not to make the same ones over again. I hope this wasn’t a mistake, it’s four in the morning and I haven’t gone to sleep. I long for your embrace, how you would gently cup my face and bring me back to bed letting me rest my head on your chest. I haven’t been sleeping fine, John is cold and Hercules is like hades a thousand degrees all the time. I bet you liked that little reference, a little Greek mythology for you. I should probably end this, it’s turning into the odyssey it seems. Please don’t be like Odysseus, come back to Ithaca to see your Penelope. I know this doesn’t rhyme but the sun is coming up and I’m running out of time._

_Love is love is love is love_

 

“Oh Lafayette...that was beautiful”Angelica whispered. Lafayette merely nodded and held the letter close to their chest.

 

“That is my Alexander, always the charmer”They whispered back. It’s like they were sharing a forbidden secret.

 

“If you’ll excuse me I have a phone call to make”They said and took off towards the guest room. Angelica smiled proudly and took their apple cider into her own hands finishing it.

 

Lafayette sat down on the bed and left the phone on speaker.

 

_One ring..two rings...three rings....four ri-_

 

“Hello?”The voice was clear as day. Lafayette’s voice got caught in their throat for a few seconds before they could speak.

 

“Alexander”They breathed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know y'all don't care but my favorite part of this book has to be writing the little letters and poems and flashbacks


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve updated so much today, y’all should be proud

**November 17th**

“Oh honey...”Eliza said running a hand through his hair.

 

“I-I don’t know why I did that...”he whispered. It was late and he was having his annual Schuyler sister’s sleepover with Eliza and Peggy. He did that a lot nowadays, anything to get him out of the house. He would work through the week and as soon as he got home he was packing his overnight bag. Hercules was fine with it, he finally got some peace and quiet but John...his jealousy was relentless. Now that he didn’t have Lafayette here all of that anger got redirected towards Alex. But Alex wasn’t Lafayette, he wasn’t complacent. It was like constantly fighting fire with fire, Hercules had to invest in a new migraine medication.

 

“I’ve got snacks”Peggy said softly and took a seat on the couch. Alexander was surprised when he met the youngest Schuyler sister. She was sweet and polite but when they were alone they had the most riveting conversations. There was so much depth to her, she wanted to be an artist.

 

“Thanks Pegs...ya know I really apprecia-“he started.

 

“Oh hush Alexander, there’s no need for all of that”Eliza said waving him off.

 

“Yeah, even our Father is smitten with you. You’ve become an honorary Schuyler sister dude”Peggy said flipping her blue tresses over her shoulder. She was always switching things up, doesn’t help that Angelica is a beautician. In the past month he’s seen Peggy with more hairstyles than he’s caught sleep.

 

“I’m flattered dude”he teased. Peggy slapped his shoulder and Eliza gently scolded the two of them.

 

“It’s just...it’s nice to finally feel apart of a family”Alexander said. Eliza’s lips parted gently and before she could say anything Peggy was sweeping him up into a bone crushing hug. Eliza threw caution to the wind and joined the hug full force knocking the two over. He was a tiny bit overwhelmed but instead of pulling away he leaned into it. He let them dot over him and Eliza even pinched his cheek before he slapped her hand away.

 

“Alright alright mushy moment over, what’re we watching ladies?”He asked.

 

“Well I actually need to type up some patient reviews, work never stops”Eliza sighed. Alexander nodded in understanding, it took Hercules gently coaxing for him not to bring his work laptop with him.

 

“I think you need a makeover Hamilton”Peggy said with the right amount of danger in her eyes. Alexander narrowed his eyes at her and reached for the wine bottle that was on the table. In that moment Eliza slowly tip toed into the kitchen.

 

“What’s in it for me?”he asked. Eliza took that as her cue and ungracefully leaned against the door frame holding a pan.

 

“Slutty blondies...”he said in disbelief.

 

“Because we know you don’t like brownies. That whole pan is yours if-“

 

“Deal. Beat my face sis”Alexander said turning to face Peggy. Eliza raised an eyebrow and placed the pan back in the kitchen. Peggy quickly got up and ran up the stairs to her bedroom. Alexander heard a few crashes and even a meow before she was back. In hand she held a make up bag,a hair curler and...a dress?

 

“Oh no, no no no-“

 

“You’ve already agreed Hamilton, we’re getting you all dolled up”Peggy said with a grin on her face.

 

“Not sure if you’re trying to distract me from my heart ache or if you’ve got some serious fantasies going on”He mumbled.

 

“Oh it’s a little bit of both babe”she said and winked. Alexander chuckled and poured himself a glass, he would definitely need it.

 

“Maybe you should use one of Eliza’s dresses. I don’t think you fill out the curves required for this one...”Peggy said.

 

“What is that supposed to mean?!”Alexander and Eliza shrieked. Peggy cackled and threw her head back dropping the objects on the couch.

 

“I don’t mean it badly, I’m just a little bottom heavy ya know? You might not fill out the booty”she said between snickers.

 

“Okay I don’t know about Eliza but I’ve definitely got enough booty”Alexander said defensively crossing his arms over his chest.

 

“Well this is not the conversation I expected to have at...10:34pm”Eliza said and reached for the wine. She mentally scolded herself and reached for the sparkling water instead. Pregnancy restrictions were a killer.

 

“Eliza tell Peggy I have a butt!”Alex whined and threw himself into her lap.

 

“Eliza tell Alex his little twink butt will not fill out-“

 

“I am a jock!”Alex cried out with wide eyes.

 

“I feel like jocks have a certain height requirement short stack”she said.

 

“I!-you!-you’re not even taller than me Peggy! I have to look down at you!”he exclaimed.

 

“I slouch!”Peggy said in defense and stood up straight, to Alexander’s dismay it actually did wonders.

 

“But anyways Tyler Oakley is a jock and he’s like five fe-“

 

“Tyler Oakley is irrelevant-“

 

“Bitch take that back-“

 

“Make me-“

 

“Peggy. Go to your room”Eliza seethed. Peggy scoffed and stomped up the stairs still stating her claim which Alexander just had to respond to. It’s almost like the man would explode if he didn’t get the last laugh.

 

“Man you really showed her-“

 

“Alexander go to the guest bedroom.”she said.

 

“What? No that’s-“

 

“You’re a Schuyler sister now right?”she said.

 

“Um...apparently?”he responded.

 

“And you and Peggy are pretty close in age right?”she said.

 

“Yeah she’s 33 and I’m 35...”He said eyeing her warily.

 

“Ah, I’m 36”Eliza said.

 

“Um...okay?”Alexander said starting to take a seat.

 

“Do you know what that means Alexander?”she said. Her voice was calm but there was an underlying authority.

 

“N-“

 

“It means I’m your big sister now. Get the fuck upstairs now!”she snapped. Alexander jumped and quickly rushed up the stairs. Nothing could go right if Eliza was cursing, or raising her voice.

 

“I see you’ve witnessed Helliza”Peggy said with a smirk.

 

“I...what?”Alex said.

 

“Betsy was known for her temper In high school. Same cut throat ‘fuck with me I dare you’ attitude that Angie still has. People would call her Helliza”She explained.

 

“I’ve never seen-“

 

“Yeah buddy I know it’s pretty new. She used to have really bad anger issues growing up but she worked on them”she said. The thought of Eliza having anger issues was almost comedic, she was so soft spoken, could barely hurt a fly.

 

“You should get some sleep Alexander, you don’t want Helliza coming up here”Peggy chortled and closed her bedroom door. Alexander nodded and retired to the guest bedroom flopping down on the bed.

 

Why wasn’t anything making sense anymore?

 

 

 

 


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New character beware cause she drops a lot of wisdom,has no time for your whining and has those peppermint and strawberry Candies in her purse

* * *

**November 17th**

“Mummy...”Hercules said in a small voice. It took a few moments for a reply, Hercules thought the line went dead but soon enough there was a response.

 

“Hercules! How are you doing? What’s wrong? Are you ill-“she started.

 

“No Mummy I’m alright just...I don’t know”he sighed.

 

“Bullshit”she said.

 

“What?”he whispered.

 

“I’m calling bullshit on you being alright. You sound like someone ran over your dog”she said.

 

“You know my partners...right?”he said.

 

“Yeah Steven,Jeremy and Clyde”she said seriously. There was a moments pause before the two roared with laughter. Hercules had to cover his mouth in fear of waking John up. Once the moment had passed and he could breath regularly she spoke again.

 

“Yes Hercules, I remember. I Was their when you introduced me to that French ma-eh person”she said. Hercules remembered that day well, Sarah Mulligan had no clue what charm she was in for. Lafayette was a complete sweetheart, if not borderline flirting with all of his relatives. It didn’t bother Hercules any, that’s just who Lafayette was as a person.

 

“Hello?”Sarah said.

 

“Hm?”Hercules said snapping out of his daydream.

 

“I said trouble in paradise?”she asked. His groan was answer enough.

 

“Now I don’t know why you would want three partners when-“

 

“When one is too damn much to handle”he finished. He could feel her smiling over the phone.

 

“The exact reason I kicked your father out”she mumbled. Hercules pretended he didn’t hear it, just like all the other times.

 

“To make a long story short shit hit the fan. Lafayette had a dream about another man-who was their childhood best friend so I don’t think it’s weird-but yeah and John threw a complete hissy fit when Lafayette wouldn’t explain what the dream was about and like before that Alex tried to jump out of the window and nothing is going right Mummy!”he said his voice raising towards the end of his confession. He didn’t even register the tears that puddled in his lap. He wiped them away carelessly, grown men didn’t cry. He was hunched over and his shoulders were tense. He needed a hug and southern comfort food. He needed to sit on the porch of his mothers house and just stare at nothing.

 

“I’m so tired”he finished voice wavering.

 

“Hercules Mulligan I’m gonna offer you some advice and then I’m gonna give it to you straight, got it?”she said a sharp edge to her voice. Hercules sniffled and mumbled a reply.

 

“You’re the only one not bothered by that dream Lafayette had because you truly love them. Now I’m not saying that dream meant anything but if it did you love them enough that you’re willing to let them go, to see them happy with someone else.”she said.

 

“The problem that John got is that boy too damn stubborn!”she snapped. “He thinks that love is limited, that you can only give so much before you run out and that’s a damn lie if I ever seen one!”she said.

 

“Now for Alexander...from what you’ve told me he’s had a rough time, give him some extra love. Tell him it came from Sarah”she said. Hercules grinned and nodded to himself, Alexander loved Hercules mother an almost alarming amount.

 

“But”She said. There was always a but, no sympathy without criticism. “That boy needs to get his head out of his ass and look around for once. See all the good things he’s got and appreciate them-not just accept them-but really squeeze life and milk every good thing that can come out of it!”she preached. God Hercules wanted to put that on a tee shirt.

 

 

“Now onto you, my baby Hercules. You wanna know why I named you that?”she said.

 

“Yes”He said. He’s been told this story a million times throughout his life but it never got old.

 

“I named you that because you’re strong. You were a preemie, never spent a day outside of the NICU the first few months of your life. You were so little but so strong, you held out. I didn’t have a name for you the first few weeks. I couldn’t bare the thought of naming you and having to bury. I remember I was sitting in one of them rickety rocking chairs and holding you, I said your name and you opened those big ol brown eyes and you smiled”she said.

 

“You smiled and I just knew that name was perfect for you. Call it fate,call it god,call it whatever you want baby but I didn’t choose the name, the name choose you. You’ve got so much love for people and that’s one of the many things I love about you but love yourself a little bit. Take care of yourself. You don’t have to solve everyone’s problems because then you end up with problems of your own”she finished. Hercules wiped his face with his shirt and held his phone as tightly as he could.

 

“Please come visit soon Mummy, I miss you so much”he said.

 

“Boy stop talking about me like I’m dead. It was supposed to be a surprise but I’ll be up for Christmas”she said. Hercules jaw dropped and he jumped up from the couch.

 

“Mummy you’re lying!”he exclaimed.

 

“I’m not”she said.

 

“You’re serious?!”He said.

 

“As a heart attack”she confirmed.

 

“Mummy don’t say that, you’re getting old and it’s a possibility”he pleaded.

 

“Boy don’t play with me, now I gotta go to bed. I got church in the morning”she said.

 

“Goodnight Mummy”he said.

 

“Goodnight baby”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all love Sarah as much as I do! Sculpting her character will be fun. Also yes Hercules does call his mother mummy and you can fight me on that


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don’t hate me

**December 1st**

“Eliza I don’t know what to do, I mean they look happy but not...happy. You know what I mean right?”Angelica said with a heavy sigh. Eliza nodded her head solemnly and swirled her glass watching the grape juice swirl. It was the fancy kind that you gave to kids on New Years to let them feel apart of the festivities.

 

“Yeah I know what you mean, Alexander has been the same way. He’s practically moved in, Peggy loves having him around but he needs to go home...to his real home”She said softly.

 

“Amelia’s the same with Lafayette. They’re so good with her, they pour every ounce of their energy into her. I wouldn’t have a problem with it if they didn’t look so sad whenever she wasn’t around”Angelica said.

 

“John is the same way with Philip, it’s like whenever it’s just the two of us his energy drops. He’s gotten so quiet and...reserved, it’s very unlike him”she said. Angelica scowled at the mention of John. If any of the Schuyler sisters could hold a grudge it was her.

 

“I still don’t like John, not after what he said to Lafayette. I know I’ve told you this a million times but the way he said those things was just...it was ice cold”Angelica said with a shudder.

 

“I’ve heard his temper has cooled down a bit. Alexander doesn’t complain about John that much anymore, he just complains about everything else...”she said and took a sip of her wine.

 

“His temper could be as cool and mellow as it wants to be, it still doesn’t take back what he said”Angelica said.

 

“Why are you so concerned on Lafayette’s behalf?...you don’t-“

 

“Oh hell no, I’m still very committed to Charlotte. It’s just...they’ve been having these nightmares and they’re just getting worse...”Angelica said. Eliza furrowed her brows and set her glass down on the coffee table.

 

“On a scale of 1-10 how bad are they?”She said. Angelica bit her lip and grimaced a bit, she didn’t mean to worry Eliza.

 

“I mean...”she said. Eliza gave her a pointed look which said it all.

 

“Like over a ten, they wake up either crying or screaming. I’ve tried to ask them what happened but it’s always in French. I’m not sure about you but my French to English translator doesn’t work at like 2:00am”she said. Eliza nodded thoughtfully and resisted the urge to type these things down.

 

“Have you been able to catch any words?”Eliza asked. Angelica fidgeted with her fingers refilled her glass.

 

“I shouldn’t say...”Angelica said. Eliza placed a gentle hand on her arms and gave her the look. It was a mixture of puppy dog eyes and a gentle smile. It was Angelica’s one true weakness.

 

“Angie please, I just want to help. The more I know the better I can the assess situation”she said.

 

“Okay okay just...promise me you won’t tell John?”Angelica asked.

 

“Of course, this is between me,you and Lafayette”Eliza said with furrowed brows.

Angelica quickly shook her head and held Eliza’s hands in her own. She looked serious and Eliza’s gentle smile dropped, this was not a time for smiling.

 

“No ‘Liza this is bigger than that...I need you to promise me”she said slowly.

 

“Alright Alright Fine. I Eliza Schuyler promise not to tell John Hamilton-Laurens about this conversation under any circumstances. Girl Scouts honor”she said holding up her left hand. Angelica rolled her eyes and let out a breath she didn’t even know she was holding.

 

“I remember this one night they were practically inconsolable. They kept saying they needed someone, so I asked who they needed...”she said and paused.

 

“Well? Keep going Angie”Eliza said.

 

“They said _mon coeur_ and I’m just like okay Lafayette who is _mon coeur_? I couldn’t be sure if they were talking about Alexander or Hercules”she said.

 

“Mhm”Eliza hummed.

 

“They sat up and looked me dead in my eyes, do you know who they said Eliza?”she whispered.

 

“Who?”Eliza said

 

“Thomas”

 

“Oh shit.”

 

“You know this needs to get brought up, like immediately!”Eliza said frantically. She had a tunnel vision for matters like this. She ran a hand through her hair and squeezed her eyes shut. She was met with vivid images. Alexander’s grave, Hercules back in North Carolina, John in prison.

 

“Eliza what’s wr-“

 

“So much is wrong Angelica! Do you not see what this means?! How many people could get hurt!”Eliza exclaimed rushing to her feet. She had to go,she had to find Lafayette get them to spill-

 

“Elizabeth Schuyler you will tell me what’s wrong right now!”Angelica roared gripping onto her arm. Eliza’s breathing was rapid as she tried to explain.

 

“I-John-prison-Alexander-“she choked.

 

“Eliza take a seat please and calm down, I’ll get you some water”Angelica said quickly and lead her back to the couch. Eliza placed a hand over her eyes blocking out the light. Angelica ran the tap and quickly returned with the water.

 

“Small sips, don’t need you choking”Angelica said sternly. Eliza took a tiny sip and took a few deep breathes. She wasn’t nearly as flustered as a few moments ago which was a good sign.

 

“I think you need to talk to Lafayette about what they feel for Thomas before people get hurt”she said slowly.

 

“Eliza...what did you see?”Angelica whispered.

 

“It was nothing just please...talk to Lafayette. I need to go pick Philip up from school, I’ll bring him by later”she promised and leaned over kissing Angelica’s cheek. Before Angelica could protest she was shrugging on her coat and out the door. Angelica checked the time.

 

1:30pm. Philip didn’t get out of school for another two hours. She crashed on the couch with a groan. Why was she always being left with the emotional projects.

 

“Mommy?”Amelia said walking down the stairs. Lafayette was right behind her making sure she didn’t miss a step. Angelica smiled and opened her arms.

 

“Hey princess, you alright? I thought you and Laf were singing karaoke?”she said.

 

“We were but then we heard shouting. Is auntie ‘Liza okay?”Amelia asked tentatively. Lafayette watched closely.

 

“Mhm auntie Eliza is doing just fine, we just a little excited that’s all”she reassured. Amelia nodded and crawled onto the couch into Angelica’s arms. Lafayette sat on the couch opposite of them.

 

“Laf, you alright?”Angelica asked.

 

“How about you ask Eliza...before people get hurt”They spat bitterly. Angelica’s eyes widened and she sat up carefully making sure not to jostle Amelia.

 

“Lafayette-“

 

“Save it Angelica, I guess you both don’t trust me not to be a complete whore. That makes that makes three people now”they chuckled darkly. Angelica immediately covered Amelia’s ears and narrowed her eyes at them.

 

“Watch your mouth around my daughter”she warned.

 

“Ah it is true”They said.

 

“What’s true Lafayette?”She asked.

 

“You two think of me as a whore, promiscuous, not capable of understanding my own feelings”they listed.

 

“You’re the one who said that”She said through gritted teeth.

 

“Ah but you didn’t deny it _mon ami_ ”They said.

 

“I don’t think you’re a whore. I think you need to get your feelings in check th-“

 

“I’ve heard enough”Lafayette said.

 

“No you have not, this is my house and yo-“

 

“Then I’ll leave, it’s that simple”They said.

 

“You’ve gotta stop running away from your problems, it’ll be the death of you”she warned.

 

“Oh I don’t run, I walk. _Au revoir_ Angelica”They said and pushed themself off the couch. Angelica could only watch as they slid their shoes on and their coat.

Amelia’s bottom lip quivered as she watched and Angelica knew that was the line. Lafayette could hurt her feelings all they wanted but Amelia, she doesn’t deserve that.

 

“Close the door on your way out”Angelica said and stood up with a grunt taking Amelia back upstairs. Lafayette waved her off and walked outside. It finally dawned on them that they had nowhere to turn to. There was no going back, the bridge was burnt. They walked aimlessly trying to find their way back to the city. Maybe if they begged enough John would take them back. Alexander would smile, Hercules would rest and they would be enough. They chuckled bitterly at the thought, no one brought a whore home.


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Either you’ll love this chapter or hate it

**December 2nd**

Lafayette woke with a groan, did they have another nightmare? The headache that immediately assaulted them was unbearable. They whimpered and threw their head back against the cool satin. It did little to calm their headache but it felt nice against their warm skin. They took a little peek around the room before the pressure was too much and they were shutting their eyes again. Even with their eyes closed the room was still too bright. They groaned yet again and used whatever energy they had left to roll over and bury their face in the pillow. The material felt expensive, far too expensive to be Angelica’s. A surge of adrenaline rushed through them as they realized they didn’t know where they were. They jolted up andgripped the sheets around them, they were velvet. It was undeniably warm, wherever they ended up was well kept.

 

There was a gentle knock on the door. They quickly squeezed their eyes as tight as they could before throwing the blanket over them. The door opened with a steady creak, the bed was weighed down by the presence of another person. The air swirled with the scent of vanilla bean and peppermint. Lafayette held their breath, their heart was pounding so hard they could hear it in their ears. A gentle hand was placed on their back, they tried their best not to startle.

 

“You’re an angel, I hope you know that”The man said softly. Lafayette’s brain short circuited at the familiar drawl.

 

“Whoever made you wanna drink yourself Stupid doesn’t deserve you, I feel silly talkin to you like this ya know? I’m always Mr. cool guy, I’m always supposed to know what to do...”he said softly.

 

“But when it comes to you darlin I forget how to breathe. The mere sight of you makes me want to sing, it makes me want to play for you. I haven’t played in years...I injured my wrist and I’ve been too afraid to even try”he said. Lafayette’s breath hitched, this was all becoming too much.

 

“I may have acted like you didn’t affect me...that was the worst mistake of my life...”he whispered. He sounded far too lost in thought. He chuckled and ran a hand through his hair.

 

“Now that I can finally speak my mind I have nothing to say...it’s funny how things work out that way. I won’t be here when you wake up darlin...after this confession I think it’s best we stop seeing each other”he whispered. Lafayette’s breath hitched.

 

“I love you Lafayette...I’m a fool to tell you this late in life. I completely and utterly adore you but I can’t do this to you. I can’t just pop up and ruin your life”he said and slowly rose from the bed. Lafayette gasped softly and squeezed the sheets in their hands.

 

“I’m just a fool in love...”Thomas sang softly. Lafayette was tired, tired of throwing things away. Tired of being too late. They sat up despite the spinning of the room and immediately regretted it. They let out a wince and Thomas quickly spun around looking like a deer in the headlights.

 

“Stay”They croaked. Thomas was conflicted. Lafayette staggered out of bed and gripped onto his hands tightly. They were heaving to catch their breath, it reminded Thomas of Martha. Immediately muscle memory kicked in and he was scolding Lafayette for getting out of bed so soon.

 

“The hell is wrong with you, you’re not ready to stand yet!”he snapped and helped them back into bed. They were over come with a new feeling of soreness.

 

“Come here”Lafayette requested.

 

“I really shouldn’t Lafayette-“

 

“Please _mon coeur_ ”They whispered. Thomas’ heart broke at the vulnerability in their tone, it didn’t help the fact that the endearment made his heart flutter. He gently took a seat on the bed but Lafayette shook their head.

 

“Lay with me”They said.

 

“Darlin I-I can’t. I want to but...you’re hurting. I may be an asshole but I can’t take advantage of you”He said.

 

“Please lay with me, _tu es tout pour moi_ ”They said frantically. Thomas shushed them and ignored the aching in his chest.

 

“Lafayette I would love to but you’re not thinking straight honey”He said slowly. That just made his drawl more apparent and it brought a blush to Lafayette’s cheeks. They were done hiding, they were ready to feel every emotion they’ve had bottled up.

 

“Thomas please I love you!”They cried out. Thomas simply shook his head and pulled the blankets up further. He even went as far as checking their forehead. Lafayette growled under their breath at the mere speculation that it was a fever confession.

 

“No you don’t”Thomas said.

 

“I...what!?”Lafayette cried out.

 

“You really don’t. You love Alexander,John and Hercules. You’re confused Lafayette”Thomas said.

 

“B-but you said you loved me...”Lafayette said pitifully. They’ve been waiting to hear those words for years.

 

“That I did”Thomas said.

 

“Say it again...please”Lafayette pleaded gently.

 

“Lafayette no, this isn’t good for you-“

 

“Thomas please!”They said urgently. Thomas’ heart broke under their gaze. He’d already caused them enough pain.

 

“Lafayette I...I love you”He whispered. Lafayette’s eyes shone with unshed tears. They sat up and took Thomas’ hands once again.

 

“Look me in my eyes and tell me you love me”They said biting their lip. Thomas couldn’t take it, the want in their eyes, the sheer innocence in their request. It was driving him insane, he had to get out of here.

 

“I-I have to go”he stuttered and yanked his hands back as if he’d been burned. This wasn’t good for them, he caused them so much pain. He promised himself he would never cause them any harm and look at where they were now. Thomas booked it for the door but Lafayette was hot on his tail.

 

“What are you so afraid of!? I love you and you love me what is the problem!”Lafayette screamed in frustration. Thomas’ was on the verge of a panic attack, he shouldn’t have said anything. Lafayette groaned and bounced in place almost petulantly, it was adorable.

 

“Lafayette please you’re making a mistake”Thomas pleaded.

 

“Thomas this is not a mistake-“

 

“I can not commit to you Lafayette! I fucking love you but I can not commit!”He shouted and squared his shoulders. Lafayette narrowed their eyes and crossed their arms over their chest.

 

“What about you and James then?”They said dangerously low.

 

“What me and James had was not love. It got toxic faster than I’d like to admit it. I don’t know how to do relationships Lafayette. I only know how to fuck”he spat. Lafayette took a step closer, he was cornered. They leaned down close enough that their foreheads were touching. Thomas was sweating, he would have to change this blazer before work.

 

“Tell me you don’t feel it”Lafayette whispered.

 

“Feel what?”Thomas challenged.

 

“Your heart racing”They whispered. Thomas took a shaky breath and shook his head.

 

“No...I don’t”he whispered.

 

“Well maybe this will get it there”Lafayette whispered. It only took a single tilt of their head to capture Thomas’ lips. The man was unresponsive for a few seconds but immediately threw caution to the wind and said fuck it. He spun them around so Lafayette was pinned against the wall. His lips tasted vaguely of wine and Lafayette wanted to get drunk. They pressed their chest up against his and relished in the feeling. They spent twenty-three years longing for this moment. Thomas gently bit down on their lower lip drawing out a long whine. They were baffled, thomas was unraveling them just with his mouth and it was unfair. They snuck their hand up his shirt and rested it on his chest. Thomas shuddered and pulled away resting his forehead against theirs. It took everything in him not to collapse on them.

 

“I...I have to go to work, stay or don’t”Thomas said cooly. Lafayette panted softly letting their lips remain parted. One last kiss Thomas wanted to tell himself but he knew this game. One kiss lead to two, two kisses lead to grinding, grinding lead to sex and sex would make him late for work.

 

“Mhm”Lafayette hummed still looking up at him with wide eyes. Thomas reached a hand up to cup their cheek but decided against it. Instead he patted their shoulder and lead them back to bed.

 

“If you plan on stayin I’ll be home around 6:00pm, please eat something while I’m gone”He said softly. Lafayette nodded and lazily pawed at the granola bar that was left on the bedside table. Thomas chuckled and rolled his eyes opening the wrapper. He held it up to their lips and gently coached them through it. Lafayette grimaced at the taste, it was far too processed.

 

“Here darlin, drink”Thomas said and uncapped the water bottle he was holding. Lafayette tried to whine in protest but Thomas gave them a stern look. He held the water bottle up to their lips and made sure they drank at least half. Once he thought Lafayette was sufficiently he stood up and checked the clock. 7:15am. He was going to be late if he didn’t leave soon.

 

“I really gotta go now”he said. Lafayette nodded and snuggled against the blankets.

 

“Thomas?”They asked.

 

“Yes sweetheart?”He said.

 

“Did you feel anything?”They asked. Thomas smirked and grabbed his phone off the nightstand.

 

“Not a damn thing”

 


	48. Chapter 48

**December 10th**

Lafayette never left. Angelica had texted them multiple times asking if they were alright. They sent back a stiff reply that they were alright. They snuggled closer against Thomas burying their face in the lambswool of his sweater. It was a dark grey crewneck with a Nordic inspired snowflake pattern. It was soft against their skin, they nuzzled against it like a kitten. Thomas looked down and chuckled running a hand through their hair. Lafayette pouted as Thomas went back to watching the news. Who genuinely watched the news? They huffedand crossed their arms. It still failed to get Thomas’ attention. In a last resort ditch effort they pulled the blanket that was covering the two of them off thomas’ lap and wrapped it around them. Thomas muted the tv and raised an eyebrow at them.

 

“Did you need somethin?”He asked. Lafayette nodded shyly, they wanted to hide in their blanket cocoon.

 

“What did you need, doll?”He asked. Doll. That was a new one it made Lafayette squirm and their skin warm.

 

“I um...I...”They said and trailed off, they didn’t know what to say.

 

“My attention might be the word you were looking for”Thomas said with a smirk. Lafayette groaned and smacked his shoulder.

 

“Go to hell Thomas”They said.

 

“Can’t do that angel, I’m already in heaven”he said. Lafayette grabbed a throw pillow and chucked it at his head. Thomas chuckled and pulled Lafayette closer. Over the past week the two had fallen into an unconventional domesticity. Lafayette was on a mental health break from work and fell into an easy routine. Cook,clean,read,write,play. Thomas had a music room that could rival Marie Antoinette’s. The steady buzz of the tv and the beating of Thomas’ heart almost put them to sleep before they realized they had something to say.

 

“Thomas...what are we?”They asked carefully. They felt Thomas stiffen and state straight ahead at the tv.

 

“Mon coeur...do not shut me out”They said gently. Thomas sighed and loosened his grip on Lafayette’s side.

 

“You know it makes me weak when you call me that”he said.

 

“You’ve told me a few times”they said.

 

“Are you sure you want to have a serious conversation at...9:13pm?”He asked.

 

“I’m ready for this conversation whenever it needs to happen”They replied. Thomas sat up placing some distance between the two.

 

“I don’t know honestly. I know that I love you and you love me and it should just be that simple but...it’s not. I’ve only had one serious relationship in my life and she...well she died. I guess I don’t let myself get close to people because I’m afraid. I feel like everyone I come into contact with gets hurt or...dies”he said quietly. The confession did throw Lafayette off their axis but they tried their best to not let it affect them.

 

“You can not spend your entire life in fear, you have to let go at some point. Letting yourself be vulnerable is one of the most terrifying but liberating experiences ever. You can not let yourself be a prisoner to your own heart”They said.

 

“God you always know what to say Laf, no wonder you’re a therapist”he said chuckling fondly.

 

“You’re discussing a fairly simple topic”They said.

 

“We also can’t just ignore the elephant in the room”Thomas said. Lafayette furrowed their brows and looked around.

 

“What elephant?”They asked. Thomas snickered and brought his hands up to his mouth to cover it.

 

“I-you-bless your heart. It’s an idiom for like an obvious problem no one wants to discuss”He said.

 

“English is a stupid language”Lafayette mumbled.

 

“I agree and I learned it much earlier on than you did. We need to discuss whatever the hell is going on with you Hercules,Alexander and John”He said. Lafayette winced.

 

“We cant just ignore them, you’re basically cheating”He said. Now that it was put like that Lafayette’s heart sunk.

 

“We need to talk about what you feel for them”He said. Lafayette let out a deep sigh and nodded.

 

“This is going to make me seem like the asshole of the year but I...I only really got in a relationship with Hercules because I was convinced I would never see you again. I thought we were happy and then Alexander and John came along, we became a little family. I was content and thankful for them but I was never really...happy. That moment I saw you in Alexander’s office everything just came flooding back. I never did stop loving you Thomas, I don’t know if you believe in soulmates but I believe you’re mine”They said and kept their eyes on the ground. It was much easier than looking into Thomas’ looming eyes.

 

“You need to tell them that”he said softly.

 

“I don’t know how”They said.

 

“I think Eliza would be the best person to talk to this about”He said thoughtfully.

 

“You’re right, but if you get one Schuyler you get another one it’s like a two for one deal from hell and Peggy and Eliza are close to Alexander so they’ll definitely Te-“Lafayette spouted. Thomas pressed a gentle finger to their lips silencing their worrying.

 

“You’re thinking too far ahead, we’re going to do this one day at a time okay honey?”He said. Lafayette nodded and buried his face in Thomas sweater again. It smelled like expensive cologne and baby powder. They wanted to question why it smelled like baby powder but this time they were powerless in the clutches of sleep.

Thomas looked down and kissed their forehead. One month. He would give them a month to tell them before he took matters into his own hands.

 

**December 27th**

“You know I don’t want to be here if they’re here”John grumbled. He had been in a sour mood all day, it was starting to get on Alexander’s nerves. Hercules sensed the tension and quickly fled sitting his gift on the gift table.

 

“Hercules! It’s good to see you”Eliza said and wrapped her arms around him. The hug was a bit awkward with her bump in the way but it was still sweet.

 

“It’s good to see you too, you look stunning”he said holding her at arms length. She was wearing a silver floor length evening gown.

 

“And I can see that the girls are sitting”he said wiggling his eyebrows. She blushed

and slapped his shoulder.

 

“Which girls?”she said with a smirking rubbing her bump. His jaw dropped in shock.

 

“You’re havin-“

 

“Shh, it’s a surprise”she said with a wink. Hercules chuckled and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

 

“Alexander owes we fifty bucks, you just made me rich Eliza Schuyler”he said.

 

“Fifty?!”She sputtered.

 

“Yup, he was dead set on the fact that you were having boys”he said.

 

“Well I have a-oh...don’t look now but frenchie and southern belle at ten o’clock”she whispered. Lafayette and Thomas walked into the small venue hall. The two were wearing complimenting sweaters and jeans. Hercules’ narrowed his eyes, Thomas never wore jeans.

 

Lafayette caught his glance and looked like a deer in the headlights. Time froze and Hercules groaned to himself. He had to get to them before Alexander did or worse, John. He crossed the room in a few quick strides.

 

“He-“

 

“Shut it Jefferson, I need to borrow them”he mumbled and pulled them back out the door into the lobby. It was quiet and empty, just what he needed.

 

“Hercules I can explain-“They started but Hercules shook his head.

 

“I don’t need an explanation right now, you love him don’t you? Don’t even lie to me, I saw it in your eyes the way you looked at them. It’s the way you looked at music,at poetry...it’s never the way you looked at me,John or Alexander though”he said. He couldn’t help the cold tone his voice took on.

 

“Hercules’ I’m sorry-“

 

“Well stop it!”he snapped. “Stop being fucking sorry for something you have no control over. I would much rather this mess than you being unsatisfied because Lafayette I love you. I know the same love isn’t returned but seeing the way you look at him and he looks at you. You look younger, happier. I would never bet my money on the two of you in a million years but you work. You bring out a different side of Thomas, a side no one has seen for years. I have never seen Thomas Jefferson smile once in the years I’ve known him and you make him laugh!”He exclaimed and wiped his eyes.

 

“I hurt you...”Lafayette whispered.

 

“You were just trying to be happy, you had no clue Thomas would come back and stir these...emotions”he said for lack of better words.

 

“But John...Alexander-“They started.

 

“Don’t worry about it, now I bet lover boy is waiting for you.”he said and playfully slapped their shoulder.

 

“How can I thank you?”They asked.

 

“Go out there and be happy with him. Now I’m going to go inside first, you come in after. Got it?”he asked. Lafayette nodded and watched Hercules slip back into the hall. They waited a few minutes before slipping back in joining Thomas’ side in the corner. Thomas smiled and wrapped an arm around their waist pulling them close.

 

“Hey babe where did you disappear to? You missed Philip’s reaction to his present! Goodness he loved it so much, I was a little worried about it but...”Thomas said. Lafayette slowly started to tune him out before zoning in on Hercules, he gave them an earnest smile. Lafayette smiled and squeezed Thomas’ hand.

 

“Were you listening?”He asked. Lafayette shook their head and chuckled.

 

“I apologize mon Cherie, I was a bit distracted”they said. Thomas playfully rolled his eyes and punched their shoulder.

 

“Rude! Anyways-“

 

“Mon coeur ? Can you do me a favor?”They asked. Thomas nodded a little flustered.

 

“Y-yes anything”he said.

 

“Stop talking and kiss me”They said. Thomas smirked and laced their fingers together.

 

“I can definitely do that”he said. Just as he was about to lean down he heard the faint clinking of a glass. Much to his dismay there Eliza was standing on a platform with her glass held in the air.

 

Alright alright everyone!”Eliza cheered clinking a knife against her glass. The chattering came to a halt and all eyes were on her. It was a small and intimate turnout, only the people she trusted. Maria was by her side when she already felt her eyes fill with tears.

 

“I um have a speech to make about my precious Philip”she said and wiped the corners of her eyes. Her mascara was too damn expensive for tears.

 

“Contrary to popular belief adoption isn’t a one and done kind of thing. We’ve actually been in the process of adopting Philip for two years-mhm I know a long ass time”she said in response to the gasps.

 

“The only ones who knew were my sisters Angelica and Peggy. They were there when I was crying on the bathroom floor because I thought Maria and I didn’t have enough to offer him. We don’t live in a big house, it’s actually going to be quite packed March of 2019. I wanted to call it off, let him wait for a different family. I decided against it the minute we got to meet him, he was shy at first but then he walked right up to us and said ‘I like dinosaurs’-yes it is confirmed he still very much likes dinosaurs. In that moment I decided love was enough, the love I had for him the moment I saw him was indescribable. The fact that this little angel is now ours just-I’m sorry”she said and fanned her face turning away from the small crowd. Maria held her hand and helped her through a few deep breaths. Once Eliza was ready to speak again she let out a small chuckle.

 

“Whew! Okay. sorry about that, pregnancy emotions are wild. It’s just insane that he’s now Philip Schuyler. Maria and I watched him grow up from when he was two to now an almost six year. We’re both just so ecstatic that we get to see him growing up in a family that loves him along with thing one and thing two affectionately nicknamed by John Laurens”she said.

 

John smiled and squeezed Hercules hand.

 

“I also want to thank the people who’ve bonded with him despite no prior obligation. Godmother Angelica, you’ve been nothing but helpful these past two years even though you thought it was an insane idea. The moment you laid eyes on him he had you wrapped around his finger”she said. Angelica chuckled and raised her glass.

 

“Aunt Margarita, my favorite alcohol and my favorite little sister! Whenever I’m too tired to keep up with his relentless energy you’re there to pick up the slack and keep him happy. He adores you, always wants to know when you’re free to take him for the day”she said. Peggy laughed and held Philip up for reference who was sitting on her shoulders. He had on a little black tux with a dinosaur broach.

 

“Godfather John Laurens”she started and searched the crowd. John gasped and felt tears brim in his eyes as he immediately let go of Hercules’ hand. All eyes were on him and he let out a cough to cover the tiny sob that was threatening to escape him.

 

“I-I’m...”He said sentence trailing off. He didn’t have the words to say. Eliza nodded and held up a glass wordlessly. He responded with a gentle god bless and held his own up in response.

 

“In the few months John has known Philip he’s taken on the male role model position almost seamlessly. He’s there to be a leading example that it okay for boys to cry,to like pink,to paint their nails. John and Philip are actually from the same foster home so they relate on that level too, John understands what Philip has gone through far more than I or anyone else could cause he lived it. The moment I saw them playing together in the street rejoicing over the cool water of a broken fire hydrant I knew he deserved this title more than anything. I actually haven’t talked to him about it so, John Laurens do you accept?”she asked. John cut his way through the crowd and jumped on stage pulling Eliza into a hug.

 

“Oh heck yeah I accept! That’s my godson y’all!”he exclaimed pointing towards the crowd. Hercules and Alexander chuckled and fist bumped each other. They knew John would be more than ecstatic.

 

“Also it’s not just Philips adoption day. Alexander Hamilton would you please make up your way to the stage?”Eliza said. Alexander looked at Hercules’ for help but he simply shrugged his shoulders. He cut his way through the crowd only being met with Philip senior who had blended in with the crowd.

 

“I remember we were having a barbecue in October and you jokingly asked my dad to adopt you. The longer you stayed around the more smitten he became with you. You’re the brilliant son he’s always hoped for but a Schuyler sister at heart. Alexander dad has the papers, all you have to do is sign your name”She said softly. The crowd gasped when Philip senior pulled out a stack of papers and a pen. His smile was wobbly but his eyes were kind, he looked ready to cry.

 

“You can’t be serious...”Alexander said in shock.

 

“Oh but we are, welcome to the family Alexander!”Peggy cheered running onto the stage.

 

“Welcome to the family little brother”Angelica said and playfully noogied him. The man who writes like he’s running out of time carefully signed the sheet of paper.

 

“Welcome to the family son”Philip senior said proudly. Alexander buried his face in the man’s chest and opened the floodgates.

 

“It’s good to be here...dad”he whispered.

 

Eliza awed and Angelica stepped forward with a velvet box. Once Alexander pulled away he caught sight of it and immediately refused whatever was inside.

 

“Oh no no no I couldn’t, you guys have already done so much for me”he said wiping his eyes.

 

“Suck it up, you’re a Schuyler sister. We all have one”she said pulling out a necklace with the letter A on it and a purple gem on it. Peggy’s had an M on it and a sapphire gem. Eliza’s with an E and a peridot one. Alexander opened the box and despite knowing what to expect still gasped. The letter A in delicate cursive on a gold chain with a ruby red garnet gem.

 

“Birthstones”Eliza said. “We were all adopted because mom couldn’t have kids. Dad wanted to get us something that brought us all together”she said.

 

“And I plan to carry on the tradition”Philip senior said. “When little pip is old enough he’ll be getting one of his own”he said. At the sound of his name Philip came running up on the stage and jumped into Eliza’s arms. The crowd that had been furthermore forgotten awed and squealed beside themselves with glee.

 

“Mommy look!”he cried and pointed to a child sized Mercedes Benz in the corner of the room. Eliza sent Thomas a smile and a thumbs up. He smiled back and pulled out a tissue wiping a few tears. Lafayette chuckled and squeezed his hand.

 

“Is thee Thomas Jefferson crying?”They teased. Thomas frowned and bumped their hip with his.

 

“Hey! I can’t help the fact that moment was fucking beautiful. It moved me”he said.

 

“I couldn’t agree more, Alexander always said he never felt like he’s truly had a family. It’s a little late in life but I’m happy that he got one”They said. Thomas shook his head and gave Lafayette a squeeze of his own.

 

“That’s the thing darlin, I think we just learned a valuable lesson”He said.

 

“And what would that be?”They asked.

 

“It’s never too late in life to start something beautiful”


	49. Chapter 49

**March 30th**

A month came and went and Lafayette still hadn’t told them. He had enough, he was tired of feeling like a dirty little secret.

Thomas didn’t go to work today. Instead he found himself pulling into a familiar driveway. He parked his car and stepped out feeling snow crunch underneath the heel of his Oxford. It was far too cold to not have a jacket on. He straightened out the blazer of his suit and knocked on the door. Soon enough he was met with none other than John laurens. He obviously hadn’t been expecting visitors as he was wearing nothing but a Santa hat and basketball shorts. His face twisted into something unrecognizable as he opened the door wider.

 

“Jefferson...we were expecting you but I can’t say I’m happy to see you”he said. Thomas nodded, that was fair. He stepped inside to see Alexander and Hercules sitting on the couch. They both shared the same glare, Alexander had rosy tear streaked cheeks.

 

“Fucking dick”Alexander mumbled under his breath. Hercules simply squeezed his hand and redirected his gaze towards the ground. John was glaring daggers, clenching and unclenching his fists. Thomas took a seat on the couch opposite of them. Despite the large space of the living room he felt claustrophobic. There was silence, it’s like no one could decide who should speak first.

 

“We know”Alexander said. He cleared his throat and squeezed Hercules’ hand bouncing his leg. Hercules presses a gentle kiss to his knuckles in response. All composure Thomas previously had was gone. He felt jittery, like he was running onfive Red Bull’s and four hours of sleep jittery. He couldn’t figure out what to do with his hands. Every single action was being looked at with microscopic precision. The simplest words made him drop the facade. Not willingly but more like the facade dropped him. _We know_.

 

“I...how?”He sputtered.

 

“Oh calm down, Lafayette and I had a little talk at the adoption party”Hercules said. Thomas mentally kicked himself, he should have known something was going on.

 

“I’m sorry”He said.

 

“No you’re not”John said offhandedly. He was right Thomas wasn’t sorry.

 

“You’re right, I’m not sorry. I am sorry it had to happen like this th-“

 

“Shut. The fuck up jefferson”Alexander choked out. The look in his eyes was murderous teetering on deranged. Hercules gave Thomas a look and whispered something to Alexander.

 

“No no! Fuck that! I shouldn’t have to play nice, he took Lafayette away from us!”Alexander shouted.

 

“Lafayette was already gone the moment they saw Thomas in your office. This is far beyond us Alexander”Hercules said.

 

“Yeah but it doesn’t make it suck any less does it? God you act like you don’t even love them!”He shouted. Thomas then decided Hercules had the patience of a saint.

 

“I do love them. My mom told me something on the phone a few months ago. She said I loved them so much I’m willing to see them happy with anyone...and god dammit if Thomas is what makes them happy then I’m on board!”he exclaimed. His voice cracked mid way through the proclamation but he kept pushing.

 

“I can’t find it in my heart to hate Thomas-“Hercules started.

 

“I can”John said.

 

Hercules sent him a glare and continued.

 

“Like I was saying. Thomas I can’t find it in my heart to hate you because you make Lafayette happy. From what Angelica’s told me they always have a smile on their face when they talk about you”He said. Thomas felt a blush creep up his neck and reddened his cheeks. Lafayette talked about him to Angelica?

 

“What are you all trying to say?”Thomas said slowly.

 

“You’re so fucking stupid”Alexander said.

 

“We’re saying we approve of you and Lafayette. Rekindling old love is a once in a lifetime opportunity and y’all are living a Disney movie”John said.

 

“It’s like Naveen from princess in the frog meets Belle...you two are unconventional but you somehow work”Hercules said.

 

“I still fucking hate you”Alexander said.

 

“I respect that”Thomas said.

 

“God you’re so fucking nice it’s annoying!”Alexander screamed and stomped off towards the bedroom.

 

“Change in medication has him a little ornery. It was actually his idea to do this”Hercules said. Thomas nodded in understanding, Lafayette had just been switched onto a new antidepressant and they were acting similarly.

 

“Thomas I hate your fucking guts and I have half a mind to punch you”John said.

 

“But...?”Thomas prompted.

 

“There’s no but”he deadpanned.

 

“Oh”Thomas said.

 

“I’m just fucking with you. I want you to tell Lafayette that I’m sorry for the way I treated them. I saw this coming from a mile away and I thought being a complete douchebag about it would make things better. I can see y’all are good together, you made quite the couple at Philips party”he said. Thomas was taken aback by the sheer sincerity of his words.

 

“Thank you John, speaking of Philip I hope he liked his present”He said anxiously.

 

“Oh fuck off you got him a little Mercedes Benz!”Alexander shouted from the other room. Thomas couldn’t help but shake his head and laugh. John and Hercules soon joined in, the moment was gone but things were finally back to normal.

 

A new normal.


	50. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well guys this is the end of an era. Thank you for coming along on this month long journey with me and these characters. I can’t say I didn’t shed a few tears writing this last chapter. It’s like watching your kids grow up before your eyes, it hurts but it’s every bit rewarding. It’s the end of this chapter but I do have a little somethin in store, this won’t be the last you of Alexander and John

**August 9th 2024**

“Happy birthday dear Eliza! Happy birthday to you!”the group sang. Eliza smiled and blew out the candles before her. It was a warm day, not too hot but warm enough to have the pool filled. The party was hosted at Angelica’s house, she was manning the grill alongside Hercules. Alexander and John were in the kitchen making desserts while Thomas and Lafayette were on guest duty. Eliza chuckled to herself and willed the tears to leave her eyes. It’s funny how life could change so quickly. Five years ago she would never imagine herself married, have three kids and be employed.

 

“Honey are you alright?”Maria asked softly. Eliza nodded and grabbed her hand giving a gentle squeeze.

 

“Look at where we are, look at where we started”she said. The sun was high in the sky and everyone was happy. That was the key sentiment, everyone was happy. The sun shone just a bit brighter when she thought of that. She let out a soft giggle and shielded her eyes leaning against Maria’s chest.

 

“You’re such a Bambi”Maria said. Eliza rolled her eyes and leaned further into Maria’s touch. She was wearing that signature red lipstick that just made Eliza’s knees weak and her heart thump a little faster. Her golden skin shimmered in the sunlight, she was absolutely beautiful.

 

“Why are you staring at me like that?”she asked.

 

“Like what?”Eliza said feigning innocence.

 

“Like I stole your heart”Maria smirked.

 

“Oh it just so happens that you did”Eliza said. She planted a kiss on her forehead and nuzzled against her cheek.

 

“Also my breath, my apartment space and my last name”she said with a wink. Their wedding had been spectacular, it was an absolute turnout. Angelica was the maid of honor, Alexander was the grooms man. Philip was the ring bearer and Amelia along with two teetering toddlers were the flower girls. The twins were the spitting image of Eliza it was insane. They of course looked a bit like the sperm donor but Eliza could put that behind her when they resembled her so much. The older the twins got the more it freaked Philip out. He would always complain how it wasn’t fair that there were three of her. It was all fun and games until his insecurities got the best of him, he wanted to look like his mom too. That day was spent with the girls shipped away to uncle Alexander’s house and Eliza and Philip watching Jurassic Park for the millionth time and eating their body weight in ice cream.

 

“Penny for your thoughts?”Maria said leading them to the swinging bench. Eliza took a seat and stretched her legs looking at the festivities around them.

 

“Just thinking about life, how lucky we are to be alive right now”she said.

 

“Mommy!”A little voice cried. Eliza looked up to see two little girls in matching sundresses running towards her. Philip was jogging behind them awkwardly, he had just hit a growth spurt and his arms and legs were to long for his body.

 

“Ma whatever they say to you do not listen!”he urged. Mariposa giggled and crawled onto the bench whispering in Eliza’s ear. She nodded and soon turned to Philip with a raised eyebrow.

 

“A girlfriend huh?”She questioned. His face turned crimson at the accusation and he quickly shook his head.

 

“No Ma it’s not like that! Theodosia and I are just _friends_!”he stressed.

 

“He said he wanted to kiss her!”Estrella teased.

 

“Kissing?”Maria questioned folding her arms over her chest. She had the not on my watch look on her face. Philip groaned and ran a hand over his face.

 

“I did _not_ say tha-I’m going to go hangout with Tio Alex and the big kids”he said and stomped away. Eliza wanted to go after him but Maria stopped her.

 

“Gotta stop holding his hand, he’s growing up”she whispered. Eliza nodded reluctantly and was forced back by a child sized weight in her lap.

 

“Be careful with mommy’s tummy, you know she’s got a baby in there”Maria scolded gently.

 

“I’m fine Maria and hush, nobody knows yet”she said. Maria mumbled under her breath and settled with Estrella on her lap.

 

Philip stomped over to Alexander who was now setting desserts on a trey.

 

“Uh oh, I know that look. Lady troubles?”he asked. Philip let out a languid sigh and took a seat resting his chin on his hand.

 

“I need an apple juice, on the rocks if you please”he said. Alexander stifled a laugh and called over to Lafayette.

 

“One Apple juice on the rocks please!”he said. Lafayette assessed the situation and chuckled.

 

“ _Oui Oui mon ami_!”They said with a hearty chuckle. They grabbed a wine glass off the table and filled it with apple juice pouring in some crushed ice.

 

“for the _Monsieur_ with the dapper swim trunks”They said with a wink and placed the cup on the table.

 

“You are a gem Lafayette”Philip said. Alexander couldn’t help his laughter that time, where did he learn this? Is this what they taught in public school?

 

“Okay okay spill to Tio Alex”he said taking a seat opposite of him. Philip sat up straight and took a sip out of the glass. He relished in the taste, motts for tots. Lafayette had cracked open the good stuff for sure.

 

“You know Theodosia...right?”he said. Alexander took a sip of his wine and nodded, he could already feel John teasing him.

 

“Well I have a really big crush on her”Philip said. Alexander nodded waiting for the but.

 

“But” there it was. “She’s in the seventh grade! A middle schooler! She’s so mature and I...I can’t compete with seventh grade boys or girls or whoever she likes! I’m just a lousy fifth grader”He sulked. Alexander nodded and ran a hand through his short hair, he’s been in this situation before.

 

“Do you know what you need to do?”He said.

 

“What?”Philip said.

 

“You wait for her. You wait until the moment is right and you sweep her off her feet. Forget about her for right now and just have fun! But don’t forget about her completely ya know? Just keep her on the back burner until you get your chance. It won’t do you any good wallowing, feel me?”He said. Philip nodded and slid out of his seat and walked to the other side of the table.

 

“Thank you Tio, I’m gonna go swim with Amelia”he said. Alexander ruffled his hair and gave him a pat on the back.

 

“You do that”he said. Philip jogged down the stairs of the deck and ran over to the pool cannon balling in. Alexander smiled as he watched him, he would do big things. His smile only grew wider when he turned around.

 

“Guess who’s up from her nap?”John said bouncing the baby girl in his arms. Alexander gasped and opened his arms immediately relishing in the weight that was added to it.

 

“Is that _mi princessa? Mi linda princesa_?”He cooed and tickled underneath her chin. She blearily opened her eyes and gave him a gummy grin. His heart shattered and grew all at the same time. John pulled up a chair next to him and pulled out the diaper big. If you thought Eliza was protective over her children you have not met John Laurens. Alexander remembers the day Peggy went into labor, John was there before he could even remember to give Alexander the call. He was sat in the delivery room with three diaper bags-yes three-all in different colors. He had the car seat, both his and Alexander’s legal surrogacy papers, bottles, bibs and hats. He stayed in the delivery room even when the nurses advised him to leave. Did he faint? Yes. Did he miss a single thing? Not on his watch. As soon as he fainted he was up again and decided it was best to sit. Peggy almost broke his hand as she pushed and at 8:12am, April 17th Elanoura Rachelle Sarina Laurens was born. She was John’s everything, he was ecstatic when he found out she was his. She looked a little like Peggy which he had no problem with because she got all of her beautiful features. Button nose, full lips, long lashes. John had to admit if he was straight Peggy would be his type.

 

“Babe I think she needs to eat, she hasn’t eaten in a little while”Alex said anxiously. He was already reaching for the diaper bag but John slapped his hand away.

 

“Dude, chill. She just ate before her nap, if she was hungry we would know”he said.

 

“Yeah but how do you know?”Alexander grumbled petulantly. John crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow.

 

“I’m sorry who raised all of those foster kids from birth in that foster home?”he asked.

 

“...you”Alexander said.

 

“Who was there helping Eliza with the twins when Maria or Angelica was busy?”he asked.

 

“...you”Alexander sighed.

 

“Exactly, I know what I’m talking about. Our little fatty just wants to look around, yes she does!”He cooed. Elanoura let out a tiny giggle and stretched her arms.

 

“Mmm was that a nice stretch, huh?”John said stroking her hair. The minute John saw her he knew she was his, gut instinct and she came out with a head full of thick curly black hair. He chuckled at the memory, no wonder Peggy had heart burn.

 

“Now isn’t that a stylish gal? Mm look at you in the little ruffled two piece livin ya best life!”Thomas said sauntering over. John chuckled and held her up lion king style.

 

“Bow down to Elanoura, princess of fashion!”he cried out.

 

“Oh excuse me miss Elanoura”he said and took a knee. “How foolish of me to not realize I’m in the presence of royalty”he said. Lafayette walked over holding a hot dog and grinned opening their arms. John immediately handed her over and watched as Lafayette bounced her.

 

“You are so beautiful! _Une telle princesse, oui tu l'es_! Look at those rolls! Prettier than Aphrodite!”They cooed. It started off as coherent but it soon became mindless baby babbles. That suited Elanoura just fine and she blew a raspberry and grabbed at their curls. Thomas stood up and sighed at the crack in his back, he was getting old. A little boy with brown skin and a picked out fro toddled up to Thomas pulling on his pant leg.

 

“I wan’ juice papa!”he said. Thomas looked to Lafayette who shook their head slightly.

 

“You already had some juice, how about some water?”Thomas said. The book shook his head and crossed his arms stubbornly. This could be Thomas’ biological child if you turned a blind eye to Lafayette.

 

“No!”he yelled.

 

“Milo. What did we talk about?”Lafayette said sternly. It baffled Alex slightly how they could be so chill then switch into parenting mode immediately.

 

“B-but I wan’ juuuiccee!”He wailed. Thomas immediately picked the boy up and threw him over his shoulder.

 

“You got him babe?”Lafayette asked.

 

“Yup, me and this little stinker are going to have a talk”he said and walked into the house despite the cries of protest. Lafayette took a seat and stared down at Elanoura fondly.

 

“Is that what we’re in for?”Alexander asked finally breaking the silence. Lafayette let out a chuckle and exaggerated a nod.

 

“Man you don’t even know. It was a fight to get him to put on his pants this morning and then it was a fight to get him to take them off! At this stage in life nothing pleases them, just get ready for that”They said and patted his back. John nodded but Alexander grimaced at the thought. Elanoura was the calmest baby ever, it was impossible for her to be that fussy.

 

Thirty minutes later Thomas came out with his curls askew and shirtless. Under any other circumstance Alex would have assumed he was getting it but now knowing the circumstances he was a bit concerned. Lafayette wolf whistled despite Thomas’ frown.

 

“He’s having a rough time, I just put him down for a nap”He said and took a seat.

Lafayette furrowed their brows.

 

“Why is that?”Lafayette asked. You could see they were putting on their therapist cap.

 

“He peed himself again and it frustrated him”Thomas said. Lafayette nodded in understanding, Milo was a bit of a late bloomer when it came to potty training.

 

“He was crying about messing up his big boy undies, especially since we just let him wear them”He said. Lafayette let out an empathetic sigh and nodded.

 

“The batman ones right?”They said. Thomas nodded.

 

“Well we just need to reassure him that it’s okay to have accidents. He just turned three so I’m not that worried, now if he was maybe Amelia’s age I would be concerned. He’s still considered a toddler so it’s okay”They said finally. Thomas nodded and leaned his head on their shoulder.

 

“I just feel bad ya know? He’s obviously frustrated with himself and there’s really nothing we can do about it. We’ve tried everything in the book and he still can’t tell when he needs to pee”He said. Five years ago this conversation would have grossed Alexander out but right now he was soaking it all in. He took learning from others very seriously, if he didn’t want to seem obvious he would’ve pulled out a notepad and started writing.

 

“Is he still in diapers?”John asked.

 

“Yeah, he’s still really small and we didn’t want to waste all the diapers we were given at the baby shower”Thomas said.

 

“Well I think you should meet him half way here and get him some pull ups. They still come in cool patterns and shit so he’ll think he’s wearing big boy undies but if he has an accident there’s still that level of protection, ya dig me?”John said.

 

“Why the hell did we not think of that? John bless you and your beautiful brain!”Lafayette said and gently handed Elanoura back to John and pulled out their phone.

 

“How did you know that John? Isn’t Elanoura your first?”Thomas asked.

 

“I was the oldest in a foster home of twenty that was always growing. There was always a baby to attend to while there was a toddler in diapers while there was a kid still pissin the bed. I was basically around kids of all age groups all the time. I’ve potty trained more kids in the seventeen years I lived there than Gordon Ramsay has told people to fuck off!”He chortled. Alexander rolled his eyesand grabbed Elanoura from Johns arms.

 

“You’re so pretty _mija_ , did you know that? You look just like your daddy, that pretty black hair and those hazel eyes. You got the good genes girl you’re lucky”he said and fought the urge to pinch her cheeks. She was just so chubby and soft and round, she looked like a cabbage patch baby.

 

“Oh shut your ass up. You know if they used your sperm instead she would have those big brown puppy dog eyes and your pretty brown hair, ain’t that right test tube baby?”He cooed. Alexander looked appalled and slapped his shoulder.

 

“She is _not_ a test tube baby! She was just born a little differently”he said. She scrunched up her face and whined. Before Alexander could say his name John was already in the house fixing a bottle.

 

“He’s a good dad Alexander, I’m so glad he accepted children into his life again”Lafayette said. Alex snorted and held Elanoura up bouncing her gently.

 

“You’re talking about it like he accepted Christ into his life”he said.

 

“You know what I mean! it’s just...it’s good for you two. The domestic life suits you”They said.

 

“Thanks Laf, that honestly means a lot. I mean look at you and Thomas, your son is precious when he isn’t having a meltdown. He’s an honest sweetheart I just feel sorry for him...”he said.

 

“What do you mean by that?”Thomas said.

 

“I feel sorry that you plagued him with that long ass name I mean come on! I thought Lafayette’s name was enough!”he cried.

 

“Oh here we go-“

 

“His name is Milo Benny-“he started.

 

“Alexander-“Thomas said

 

“Jefferson d’amboise-“

 

“Alexander!-“Lafayette said

 

“Marquis de Lafayette, I mean imagine when he has to go to school. Have you even thought about the standardized test papers? He’s going to say fuck the test before it even starts because he spent twenty minutes bubbling in his name”he said. Thomas gave him the side eye and sipped his sweet tea.

 

“Okay first of all, rude. Second of all, it’s tradition! Third of all your daughters name is almost as long! If you would’ve added a Hamilton at the end it could rival Milo’s any day, am I right or am I right?”They said crossing their arms. Thomas immediately got up and spit his sweet tea over the railing in an attempt to not choke.

 

“Fuck of jefferson!”Alexander spat.

 

“Lafayette brought the thunder, lawd help us all!”He snickered and did a lap around his chair before sitting down.

 

“Babe I’m ba-what did you do?”John asked holding out the bottle.

 

“Jefferson’s being an instigator”he mumbled.

 

“No, I’m being a good husband. You should try it”He said casually. Alexander narrowed his eyes.

 

“Why you-“

 

“Alexander go take a walk, say hi to Eliza”John said.

 

“She’s my sister why wo-“

 

“I said what I said. Don’t make me use my mean voice”he said lowly. Alex grabbed the bottle and scoffed walking off the deck. It’s like the minute you hold a baby you’re suddenly approachable.

 

“Hamilton!”Aaron greeted.

 

“Burr”Alexander said stiffly. He never fully forgave him for the words he said five years ago but if his nephew had on a crush on his daughter he at least had to be civil.

 

“Is that your little one? I heard that you had a baby but I thought it was all rumors until you left on paternity leave”he said.

 

“Yeah, she’s mine.”Alexander said plainly. It seemed like burr wasn’t getting the memo because he questioned him further.

 

“What’s her name?”He asked

 

“Elanoura”Alex said.

 

“How old is she?”He asked.

 

“Four months”Alex said.

 

“Is she John’s baby?”he asked.

 

“Mhm”Alex hummed

 

“She’s beautiful”he said

 

“Thanks”Alex said

 

“She’s so ch-“he started. Alexander held his phone up to his ear and gave an apologetic look.

 

“Eliza’s calling me, we’ll pick this up later”he said hurriedly with a polite smile. Burr nodded and walked over to the cooler.

 

Eliza put down her phone and smiled.

 

“I owe you one Betsy”he said.

 

“Don’t mention it, now let me see my niece!”she said making grabby hands. Alexander handed her to Eliza along with the bottle. Eliza pouted and finger brushed a silky curl.

 

“Oh aren’t you just the cutest baby ever?”she said and held the nipple of the bottle to her lips. Eleanoura latched on greedily and looked up at Eliza curiously.

 

“Mmm that’s yummy isn’t it? She takes to the bottle so well, I don’t know how y’all did it”she said. For the first month Peggy breastfed just to alleviate some of the pain. They didn’t want Elanoura to get hooked so they quickly switched to formula.

 

“It’s a miracle, we heard horror stories of babies who didn’t latch onto bottles. I guess she’s just a hungry girl who knows that milk is milk”he said cooing towards the end. Eliza smiled at the weight in her arms.

 

“She’s nice and healthy too, I’m glad she’s been gaining good weight. The twins were so small I forget what an average sized baby is supposed to look like”she said with a chuckle. Alexander took a seat on the swing next to her and smiled.

 

“No matter how many times I see her in a week I’ll still be baffled by the amount of hair she has. Did she come out with this much?”she marveled.

 

“Pretty much”Alexander said with a shrug. “Peggy was complaining about heartburn a lot during the pregnancy so I guess that’s the reason why”he said.

 

“You’re so lucky! I couldn’t put clip on bows in the twins hair until well after their first birthday. Your little lady’s just got tons of it”she said and played with the little baby hairs.

 

“You guys dote over her so much I fear she’s gonna have a super ego”he said.

 

“Oh hush, nothin wrong with a lil confidence. Isn’t that right beautiful?”she cooed. Elanoura smiled and squirmed in her arms. Alexander gave a knowing look towards Eliza’s stomach and smiled.

 

“How’s my little Toto doing?”He asked in a hushed tone. Eliza rolled her eyes at the nickname and smiled.

 

“Toto is doing good, the morning sickness has been bearable”she said. Toto, that was the nickname for this one. The moment Eliza found out she was pregnant the wizard of oz was playing on the tv.

 

“Everything’s good though? No complications?”he asked.

 

“Alexander I’m fine, stop worrying. You’ve got your own little Toto to worry about”she said gesturing towards Elanoura. She was half asleep in Eliza’s arms.

 

“Oh god she’s milk drunk”Alexander said with a giddy laugh. He quickly pulled out his phone snapping a few pictures, that would definitely be going in the scrapbook.

 

“You come to my house,drink my wine,eat my food and you don’t even show me my niece!”Angelica said incredulously stomping over. John sent him a look from the deck that meant _run_ but he was frozen in place.

 

“Oh come here my angel! It seems like papa doesn’t know how to share”she said and picked up the sleepy baby.

 

“Wow Alex she’s heavy, must be drinkin that new formula”she snorted.

 

“So I’ve been told”he said.

 

“Ya know dads been asking about her. He’s wondering when you and John are gonna bring her up”She said. Philip senior had retired a few years ago and moved up to Maine in their vacation house. It was nice and cozy, they all spent Christmas up there along with Hercules’ mom and the Washington’s. That still weirded Alexander out a bit, spending Christmas with his boss.

 

“I know he’s been asking, I just think it’s still a little too soon to fly and I don’t think an almost eight hour long car ride with a baby is practical if even legal”he said.

 

“Oh please Alexander save your sob story for someone who wants to hear it, I’m just hearing a bunch of excuses. You know well enough that she’s cleared to fly, don’t think I don’t know about your little trip to California”she said giving him the evil eye.

 

“That was important...”he said.

 

“You went to Disneyland!”she exclaimed.

 

“Now tell me the real reason you don’t want dad to see her, you’re breaking his heart”she said. Alexander gulped, that was the last thing he wanted to do.

 

“It’s just stupid fears”he said.

 

“Like what?”Angelica said.

 

“I’m just afraid that if I’m a shitty parent around him he’ll like...unadopt me or somethin. I’ve gone through enough families, I can’t lose this one too”he said softly.

 

“Alexander I can almost laugh”she said.

 

“Wha-“

 

“You’re a perfectly fine parent! You’re honestly doing a lot better than I was when I first had Amelia. Now I don’t wanna hear it, I’m booking you and John a flight to Maine for the end of August no if’s or buts”she said.

 

“But-“

 

“What did I just say Alexander?”she said through gritted teeth. He let out a defeated sigh and nodded.

 

“Good”she said.

 

“Mommy!”Amelia squealed running over. Hercules was right behind her with an apron that said kiss the chef. Angelica smirked.

 

“Don’t mind if I do”she said planting a kiss on his cheek. Amelia gagged and Hercules grin could light up a Christmas tree.

 

“Daddy and I were checking the boarding list”she said.

 

“And?”Angelica prompted.

 

“I made it in!”she squealed. Angelica’s eyes popped out of her skull and she quickly placed Elanoura in Eliza’s lap.

 

“Oh my god baby girl I’m so proud of you!”she exclaimed pulling her into a bone crushing hug. Amelia couldn’t see it the tears of pride welling up in her eyes.

 

“Mommy I ca-“

 

“Shhh baby just enjoy the hug”she said.

 

“Alright alright let me get some lovin too”Hercules said. Amelia pulled away from Angelica and wrapped her arms around Hercules. He promptly picked her up and placed her on his shoulders.

 

“What did my baby do!”he exclaimed.

 

“Pass my exams!”she cheered.

 

“With what!”he exclaimed.

 

“Flying colors!”she cheered.

 

“Where’s my baby goin!”he exclaimed.

 

“International Bilingual School of Provence!”she cheered.

 

“Now what do black women do?”he asked.

 

“Get the job done!”she finished.

 

“Alright!”He said and put his hand up for a high five.

 

“I think celebratory ice cream is in order, what does mommy think?”He asked.

 

“Go nuts y’all!”she said waving them off. Hercules trotted towards the deck with

Amelia squealing on his back.

 

“You and Hercules!”Eliza said nudging her shoulder. Angelica rolled her eyes and nudged her back.

 

“Yes it’s been me and Hercules for about four years sis”she said.

 

“I still can’t believe it, Hercules specifically said he wasn’t attracted to females”Eliza said.

 

“Sexually attracted, That’s the keyword. Turns out the little shits been bi-romantic this entire time and decided not to let us know”Alexander said with a slight edge.

 

“Well I know!”Angelica said in a sing song voice. Alexander scoffed.

 

“Alright alright now that daddy do little is gone what the hell was that all about?”Alexander asked.

 

“Amelia’s going off to bordering school in two years. She took the enrollment test for the 2026 placement and she got in”Angelica said.

 

“Bordering school where?”Alexander demanded.

 

“...France”Angelica said quietly.

 

“I’m sorry what?”Alexander said.

 

“Alex don’t be like that, it’s a Schuyler tradition.”she said.

 

“Angelica do you not realize that in 2026 she’ll only be eleven? She’ll be away from you for six years and your just okay with that?”he said.

 

“It’s a good opportunity for her, and she won’t be alone for that long because...”Angelica said.

 

“Philips taking the test this fall”Eliza said.

 

“What?!”Alexander said.

 

“It’ll be good for them and she’s not going alone! Peggy will be there with her”Angelica said.

 

“What about Mariposa and Estrella? Are you going to force them to go too?”he snapped.

 

“No one forced anyone, we asked if they wanted to go and they said yes. They can come home if they really hate it, no ones forcing them to stay. We’re trying to give our children a once in a lifetime opportunity. You should try and be a bit happier”Eliza snapped back. Alexander’s anger soon deflated as he saw the disappointed look on Angelica’s face.

 

“I’m sorry I’m just-“

 

“Worried. Yeah we get that? Just next time say you’re worried, yeah? Every uncomfortable emotion doesn’t have to be turned into negativity”Eliza said.

 

“Alright alright now take your therapist hat off. How’s it feel being forty one?”He asked.

 

“It feels the same as being Forty, I haven’t gone grey yet so bless up”She deadpanned. Alexander chortled and Angelica scoffed.

 

“Lucky, I’ve been greying for a while now. Hercules says he thinks it’s cute, he’s such an angel”she said with a heavy sigh. “Still gonna dye it though”she said. Eliza and Alexander laughed as they fell into routine.

 

“Has Charlotte tried contacting you recently?”Alexander asked.

 

“After she ghosted me claiming ‘familial issues’ I would hope not. God I’m glad Amelia took to Hercules so quickly, he’s a much better influence than Charlotte. A few months after Hercules moved in with us, I caught him braiding her hair. I almost proposed to him right then and there. He’s a keeper Alexander thanks for falling out of love and paving the way for me”she said sincerely, almost too sincerely. There was a playful glint in her eyes. Alexander scrunched his face up.

 

“Oh fuck you!”He said. Angelica laughed and leaned back against the chair harshly causing it to swing.

 

“You know I mean nothing by it brother”she said and wrapped an arm around him.

 

“I still can’t believe you guys adopted me and...and you kept me”he said softly.

 

“I spent most of my life being passed from family to family, I even tried to create my own little family but even that ended in failure. I just wanna say I’m thankful for that hurricane, sometimes the greatest disasters lead to the most rewarding futures. If I hadn’t screwed up every single time that I did in my life I wouldn’t be here apart of this big slightly dysfunctional happy family. Five years ago I was so angry and confused, I was living life wondering if it was worth making it to the next day. I had John,Hercules and Lafayette but I wasn’t complete. I’d spent years wondering what was missing, why I couldn’t appreciate all the good in my life. This, this is what was missing. If that hurricane never happened I would be dead in Nevis, not in New York City holding my daughter chilling with my sisters. I guess what I wanna say is thank you for giving me a change”He finished.

 

Eliza let out a choked sob and pulled him into a hug, Angelica joining suit. He wished Peggy could’ve been there to make the hug complete but life isn’t about getting what you wish for, it’s about getting what you need. Everything that he needed was right here in Angelica’s backyard. He let a few tears fall himself and hugged Elanoura a little bit closer. He remembered John’s words that made him grimace but now they made him smile. It was true, he would always be Alexander from the barrio but now he was so much more than that. He was a husband, a brother, an uncle, a father and even a godfather. Five years ago he was in a constant state of wanting to end his life, now he couldn’t imagine not living. Who would’ve known he would go from sitting on balconies not caring if he fell to sitting in a wooden porch swing holding his daughter close to make sure she doesn’t fall. He always watched from afar, never getting to close, never wanting to be disappointed. Now he put himself back in the narrative and his only regret was that he didn’t do it sooner. He wanted to paint this moment, make it last forever, make sure it never got tainted by false memories or had a rewrite. But in his own words you can’t preserve everything. In this world it’s who lives,who dies, who tells your story and god he hopes the person telling his story would be merciful. He’s not sure yet if he wants all the raw emotion included or to start from where everyone is truly happy. All he knows is that he wants the story of tonight to stay pure and untouched. He pulled away from his sisters and sent a thankful look towards the sky.

 

“Raise a glass to freedom”he whispered.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations   
> mi princessa? Mi linda princesa-my princess, my pretty princess  
> Une telle princesse, oui tu l'es-such a princess, yes you are


	51. Characters Q&A

Hello guys! I hope you don’t hate me too much for changing up the narrative but I saw a chance and I took it. This is your chance to ask either me or any of the characters any pressing questions you may have. 

Martha Jefferson,George Washington,Rachel Faucette, Elanour ball, Steven, Janice, unknown little brother Perseus Mulligan and all the hamiltots are all included!

here’s a list of all the hamiltots with their ages so make sure to keep things appropriate 

Theodosia-12

Philip-10

Amelia-9

Mariposa&Estrella-5

Milo-3

Elanoura-newborn

No questions are really off limits so go nuts! This is going to be one of those things that is forever getting added to so comment as much as you want!

again thank you for coming along with me on this journey. I’ve fallen in love countless times with all of these characters and I’m actually not really ready to let go. They’re all my babies(yes even Aaron) because I see the humility and all the dimensions to even some of the most sinister characters. You guys made this journey all the more bearable and hella fucking fun if I’m being honest. Like I said in the epilogue this is not the last you will see Alexander and John or any of the other characters.

an author is always plotting.


End file.
